Its not easy being back….

I’ve been wanting to write this post for awhile….

Coming back after study abroad is not easy, your not only have culture shock of a place that was never a shock, but also going back to the place that hasn’t changed except you have and you realize you don’t fit here anymore.  Also reality hits you like a brick wall-  e.x school.

Here’s my story of being back….

Been back to school for about four months now and it was not easy, but its getting easier.

At first, in short, i did not want to be here. Then last month I just felt a lot of pressure on myself and having to be here. I felt force to be here when I don’t want to be. i’m the kind of person where when someone tells me I can’t I do  anything to show I can– and “can’t” go off and experience the world and travel and just do what I want to do because of reality made me depressed.  The can’t could not be proven wrong. I felt stuck.  On top of that school was just overwhelming because thats all I was doing, I did not have time for anything but school. And I just wanted to just through my hands in the air and quite. But I’m not a quitter. So I went home and talked to my dad and he gave me advise, to stop planning so far ahead because I’m so focus on the next year and all the possibilities that I am missing out on the $100 on the ground right in front of me.

I know that I have a year left and have to just deal with this is where my life is (stuck part) so I’m making the best of it focusing on school trying not to feel so overwhelmed by it by planning out my day and staying organize the best I can. School always has kicked my butt and its  a lot more work here thus I have to again go back to working 10 times harder. However, I am making sure I have time for fun. I liking going out and being around people,   I always liked socializing. I just want to meet people and enjoy life.  Focus on myself  and being selfish (a quote I read once said these are the years where you should be selfish). I am not attached to this place, never have been but this is where I have to be, and some days I don’t want to be here, and I want to get on a plan and travel.  I miss being in Ireland I don’t think these feeling will ever go away, because they impacted my life greatly. They’ve changed me.

I did not write this post for a rant or to tell you my business and I really didn’t. It’s just a story, a tip,  for other study abroad students to relate to– that YES after you come back from study abroad you will feel culture shock, and feel stuck. Its not fun. You cry over pictures,  you can’t stop talking about the places you went, you talk to your friends you met there and miss them like CRAZY and  you can’t stop feeling these feelings.  But you just have to make the best of it, be who you became from that experience, talk about it because it happen, and enjoy  whats happening right in front of you- but one important thing you need to do  FOCUS on yourself, take care of you, be selfish don’t let anything limit you.

And it does not hurt to day dream about when you will be back, and be determine to make it happen because if you don’t that feeling of stuck will never go away.

My determination that in a year I will be au pairing in Ireland. Nothing stopping me.