I always tell people that I’m doing things for me no matter what happens. And a year ago today I did just that. I got on a plane and moved myself to Ireland for a year of unknown adventures, people I will meet and being an Au Pair that I had no clue what would be like. What I got out of it was a place I could call home, people that I adore, look up to and I connected with. And personal impacts, as well.
It’s hard to tell and explain to people how things impacted you when it kind of just happen. So, when I went home-home for basically a little holiday, others made it be like I was coming home home and leaving again and they wanted to know why. But heres the thing, which actually made me feel good and not feel anxiety or stress, is the fact I wasn’t coming back then leaving again. This was a holiday home to see my fam fam, to see my big sister get married and spend time with them because I haven’t done it in awhile. Summer vacation back in Minnesota- and who would think that would been a holiday. Not me.
It makes me smile to think that a year ago I left and where I am going, because I have developed friendships, family, a little community that I became apart of and it was hard leaving them for the holiday back home home. Even though I am going back, I’m moving on from my job, I won’t be around as much. That I new. Change was and is in the future, but I am not letting go of the people I care about, something I never do. Because luckily, I am only a half hour away from the community I entered a year ago. And I kept telling myself even though I wasn’t going to be around, these people weren’t letting me go because they too were like she’s going on a holiday. And this time it was different, I was not packing up and leaving. I am excited and happy with the differences. Because for the first time in a long time, it doesn’t feel like its ending, it is just getting started.
So, when I was home home for this holiday, I began to explain people what was happening, because they are all wondering. So I told them, but there were of course questions and statements that I was back and now I was leaving again (but i wasn’t leaving again). But all you want in life is to find a place you can call home. Yes you can always travel and see places, but that cost money and time, and traveling is so much different then calling somewhere home. Home home will always be a place I know I can go back to, live and know the roads and everything seems normal. But home, Ireland that is a place were I feel like I fit, I new when I study abroad there was something about it that I wanted and after this past year I figured it out.
I am lucky enough to have gotten into UCC for graduate school and it is a good oppurnity for me to be able to go there; but its not only the oppurnity but the pros to the list that I do not need to pack up and leave places again, because truthfully it gets a bit tiring and emotional draining.
Its very different from backpack around Europe or even traveling itself, something I still love to do, and will do.
I do not know the future, because I CAN NOT think that far a head, I’m not counting the days, I’m just going with the flow because that is best thing you can do.
So, a year ago was the start of a new book and the chapters are continuing.