Going back to school (part 1): I’m crazy enough to take a chance on fear

I went zip lining with my dad this August, a little daughter daddy adventure before I went back home (Ireland). Both me and my dad when we are nervous, we talk, basically psych ourselves up. The guy who was taking us zip lining told us that it is natural to have this fear of nerves of falling, we are built that way, us, as humans, get very nervous before we do something that is fearful.

Before I got on my first plane, I felt that fear; but it was also filled of worries, what if’s, and sadness of not wanting to get on that plane; there was only one other time that I did not want to get on that plane and ended up crying in a corner in the airport having people look at me weirdly. But they don’t know how hard it is to leave and go into something that you are not only putting a lot into, but the risk of failure.

I wrote it. And it’s the truth.

There is this feeling, that feels good, right before you do something crazy (after you calm yourself down of all your worries), that pushes you to go. It’s living on the edge, in your gut knots, hands moving everywhere, bitting your lip,  as you jump because the second after, you have this click, a voice, a image of can, can do it, want, want to do it, want to go, want to take a chance.

I start my course this Monday, meetings of what is happening. It’s scary, because I don’t know what’s going to happen, I just read what it’s going to be, what is offered, what is expected. It isn’t until your standing in front of a professor/lecture that you understand. And after I will probably stress, I probably will go on a rampage of organising and planning, my planner will be so colourful, and post its will be everywhere. But, I’m excited and I just wanna jump.

This past week/weekend there was not much happen, I went to post graduate orientation were a man said to us this is intense in little amount of time, a women told me to get involved make your time spent here worth it. And I sat there feeling in over my head. But, I went out Friday and Saturday, I met some fun people, got to experience different pubs, city life in Cork, I mean most of the college students weren’t out and I did not mine that. My weeks are going to be spent studying/writing, weekends will be as well and maybe once in a blue moon will I go “all out”. Its a different mind set in graduate school, I know that, I am 23 my crazy days are over.

Now, I’m going to go hide under my pillows and then I’m going to take that chance.