Here is my confession, I have a fear that my writing will not be good. We all have fears of failure, especially when you are doing something we think is important. For instance, going to med school the fear that down the line you are taking care of people and their lives. The fear that you might screw up, you might be doing the wrong thing.
I have these fears. Not only do I fear that I will get it back with spelling and grammar mistakes, with the letters in CAPS you should know this. But also the fear it will say this is shit. I mean there are writers who enjoy writing, but never went to school for it and some are good, and some are not. What makes me a good writer? What makes any of us good writers? But then again Twilight got published? (sorry if you’re a Twilight fan but the only example I can think of) But, so did Catcher in The Rye.
Which one will I be?
The thought of it scars me. I need to run.
While I sit in the library, surrounded around others who are studying, doing the math, trying to learn this, I wonder should I be doing that. How much easier would it be if I was just studying and learning how to find the probability of something. But, that is not something I enjoy, and that is why I am doing my MA in creative writing.
I am writing stories as assignments and I am learning to write because I am getting feedback on them; no matter how scary it is and possible it could be shit, at least I am learning. Plus, I am getting to understand how I can use my writing talents in other fields, which is what I wanted to figure out. In writing of business, we had an editor at a journal come in and she talked about what it takes to get published, how to get published, which was all good. But, I wanted to know about her job, what made her do her job, how she got that job, and other jobs in the editing world at her company.
I’m getting it all down, I’ve figured out how the classes work, we are getting into things and I have to say I am really enjoying it! It’s helping me not only understand, I’m getting different perspectives on creative writing, I’m getting inspiration and more time to write
And when I get assignments handed back, I will foce myself to look at them right away, ignore the grammar comments and focus on what I can imporve on. Cause thats the aim.
Fear is the one thing that can really make someone hurt, gives them the shakes, mind racing thoughts. Fear is this gut worry that just makes you wanna do something else, but it also is this feel that somewhere between the freak out and actually going you realize this can.
Lesson learned: fears cannot stop you.