I venture off to the other side of the library with the bright furniture and unnatural lighting. It is much quieter but my nerves begin to sharpen, because I worry the people will know this isn’t my usual sitting area. I am the stranger trying to sit in someone else’s spot. I do a loop around, unable to actually get the motivation to sit down. Suddenly I am walking back in the direction of the window room and to my usual spot. I FAILED, and an even bigger failure since I chose to write this instead of doing my homework.
For the whole school year I have been sitting in the large window room, with its dark wooden tables and the long walk way to the bathroom, passing all sorts of people in the library. On 2-Q to be exactly, which is not where the English section is but there are a variety of options of future husbands so I stay on the second floor. I sit in the front, closer to the window, further from the bathroom; so it’s a very long, daunting walk through the room if you need to get there. I walk down the run-way, worrying that there may be something on my butt. Feeling uneasy, as eyes come up from their studies to look at me. Someone is just walking by on her way to the bathroom; nothing to see here.
I’ve sat on the other side of the library. But, I didn’t focus much, and I had worried about my computer dying, since it is already low on power. Sitting there typing, trying to get the assignment done but my eyes can’t help focusing on the little image of a battery as the percentage goes down to 35, to 20, and then, oh crap; it’s going to die!
As I get back, there are more and more people coming into the room, more and more people decide to sit around me. And as more people begin to fill up the large window room the knot in my chest gets tighter. There is a room on the first floor where I could sit; there will be less distractions, quieter, less people, but it’s a small room with no windows. It reminds me of a room where you go for taking tests; where you just want to be with the other kids. I sit there, trying to focus, trying to do things, trying to keep my eyes on the computer screen and stop my fingers from choosing those quick links to what could lead to an half hour of scrolling through instagram. I hide my phone, hoping that will be enough to stop the distraction, but hearing the ding that indicates that I got mail is too big of an urge for me to look at my phone. And as I turn around, noticing all the people sitting nearby, hearing even the smallest noises is becoming even more distracting. I am more overwhelmed, more frantic, and my inability to focus has become apparent.
I quickly go outside, because my tummy is rumbling and the fresh air will do me good, but there are more people, more voices, and it’s just becoming too overwhelming. So I run back up stairs with my 1.20 muffin and sit down. I don’t put on the headphones because my head needs a break, but soon a new wave of rustling begins and people’s voices begin to echo in my head. I put the headphones on and switch them to green muffling sounds.
Thinking to myself, thanks dad for the headphones, they’re helping me a lot.
And tomorrow I am going to sit in someone else’s spot.
This is just a little story I wrote from my personal experience. I thought it is shows what it’s like for people with ADHD and maybe that guy in high school who’s name I know, but will not mention, will now understand why I was the person that got to go to a different room and not him.