City Girl: A Personal post and the goodbye I can not do.

Ireland is my home.

I have lived in ireland for a total of 2 years and 3 months. It has been something that will always be a BIG part of my life. I can’t explain what being here means to me like I feel so impacted by it all and the people i met mean so much to me, they matter to me. I love Ireland I love the people I’ve met.  And having leave the people, a life, a place  is not going to be easy.

I don’t think I would have ever be who i am or what i am if I didn’t move to Ireland and left Minnesota. I am going to say it because i think it needs to be said, I have lived in Minnesota my whole life and I have never felt more a live then when I was living in Ireland.

Two years of my life has been spent in Ireland….

The prime time of your years, the 20s where your suppose to do all these things but not a lot of people do. I went on a rant the other day and something came out… I chose to do this despite my difficulties and anxiety/depression I moved myself away from my rocks and did it, “I could be married with children by now.”  I question a few times.

Ireland is apart of me. I say Fuck like no other, feck sake, grand, no bother and like at the end of my sentences. Because I have adapted myself while here. Will that go away I don’t think so maybe it’ll become less but it won’t go away. And if people back states question me, which they will do, they will have to deal with it. Because for feck sake I’ve lived in Ireland for two years and I hang out with Irish. I am more Irish then americans who have irish in them (and i have irish people who will agree with me).

Two years of my life and sometimes it can feel like it was all for nothing but its cause it was everything that makes harder to grasp. All the people, the good the bad. I have memories with people and places that will last me a life time. I have connections with people who I would never lose cause really if I haven’t lost them yet I won’t let go.

Oh Ireland you will always be where I belong.

So why am I going back?

Because I need more.

It won’t be easy, it will be really hard. Going back will be a transition and a culture shock. But I have come to terms of what I want and desire at 24 years old and I need to go get it.

Not only that but my visa is up and I could stay again I could easily live here for the rest of my life. But, I need to figure out if what I want with my life brings me back here. It might not, might bring me to Bora-Bora who knows. I have these wants that  at this moment I’m not getting it here, which makes me come to terms that Ireland and me are forever but I need to go.

I am the kind of person who cares and is so passionate that losing something and someoneS this big is hard. I also find it difficult cause I don’t like limitations. I am someone who’s such an adventures, wanderlust person who can’t sit still. I am someone who knows she has to do something will do it. I am someone who worries and fears like everyone else. But guess what if you want it you have to go for it. I just have to figure out not what I want BUT where I can get it and where it will take me.

If I could just hit the skip button and get me to that point i would.

Goodbyes…

Goodbyes are never easy the thought leaving the firs time  Ireland was hard but GOD this is much harder because two years this was ALL me. I am saying goodbye to myself in a way but bring her with me.

Going back to Minnesota to what I new is going to be hard. Because life moved on for the people there. But MY life moved on as well but I can tell you driving down 35W its going to feel like I never left until I talk to someone who shows me it has.

And its not a sad thing to move on, its bittersweet and it hurts somedays KILLS right now BUT what I have learned is leaving a place to go after what you want, going for yourself most empowering bravest thing a women can do. Nothing is holding me back.

This isn’t goodbye I will come back I will tell you that. When you will never know I am full of surprises.

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