This is an update post to where I am at personally, what graduating from University College Cork was felt like and also about how blogging can really get at you. This is the honest truth about figuring life out. Read to find out more….
The Come Back Kid
I think 25 means you stop waiting around, you stop letting the things you use to put up with hoping it’ll turn around, they’ll show up that you suddenly stop; you hear yourself standing up more, and saying goodbye. Before my two week adventure, I was not feeling it. I wasn’t feeling good. And it had a lot to do where I was in my life and how I saw nothing a head. I knew I needed to go back to the place to allow myself a break and to bounce myself back.
Which it did, I figured out that I LOVE Ireland and my friends but there was no reason for me to stay and live out of a suitcase. I was done with temporary things. And by the time I had to leave I got another moment of “just leave.” not that I would leave Ireland but just that right moment for yourself to move on.
I also found that I was on the right track of my dream to have a career in writing and being creative that I just needed to do what I’ve been telling myself for months. Which I needed to get my confidence back. Because well life is like Ikea direction and I was frustrated, and lost. I was feeling very shot down but then I remember who I was and what I could do. I was finding my “you’ll regret this” dress. What I mean is you know when some crush dumps you or makes you feel like crap, what does a girl do? She gets all dress up, she puts on that dress and she goes out on top! Feeling that “you’ll regret this.”
And when I got home, not only did I turn 25 but I was in my last week of working a temporary job I liked but wasn’t for me. It was starting to feel like a fresh start and motivation to really go for what I wanted. I felt my confidence grow and my determination build. I felt like the things I had dealt with either my whole life or last five months were vanishing. I was finally letting go of the things I kept waiting and holding onto for so long.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s all in my head that I really don’t struggle as much as I feel like I do. When I finished undergrad I didn’t do the graduation because I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel like I achieved even though I did, I didn’t feel like it was my best. That had a lot to do with the fact my year was 100% not good. But, when I was in grad school that was different. I felt like I finally achieved my goal. I did my best. I finally felt accomplish. Because even though the last 5 months made me second guess my choice in graduate school in Ireland. I knew it was the best decision and most accomplishment I had ever had. Until…
I open my e-mails. I got some not some good news from a submission place and it kept getting worst (like no one died or anything). I was feeling like here was this big achievement and it really felt like it didn’t matter. I was seeing the bad over the good, like always. And my mom changed all that.
Having her there was important. Having her tell so many strangers how proud of me she was–not only was embarrassing MOM STOP but made me feel good. She has been there for it all, she has pushed and fought for me. And having her there watching me as I got my diploma from UCC. Meant the world to me, but it also reminded me that this was a big achievement for me and to forget the negative and focus on the good. That all I really needed was my mom.
Because despite my difficulties with English I graduated from a top college, in creative writing, I did it all in Ireland. This opportunity was fantastic and will bring me so many places. And I couldn’t be prouder.