We are talking about making friends in our 20s. How it’s not easy.
Friendship. Something that seems natural but in reality it something you have to work at, can easily lose; and if you weren’t friends since kindergarten then whats the point. Having friends is important. Friends are people you can talk to, hang out with, laugh with, knows your secrets, sleep overs, sharing clothes, etc. But, when your in your 20s, out of college, your friends are moving on with their lives and so are you, there is this gap in your life. Suddenly, you find yourself looking for friends. And when your in your 20s its awkward and hard cause you should have friends right?
If you’re anything like me your friends are scattered around the world. It’s great but it can also get hard sometimes because there not their to share moments and go do things with. I’ve always made friends, even before I moved to Ireland. Meeting people was easy for me. I have always been a small group person, I didn’t want to many people around; and growing up my history with friends wasn’t easy one. But that made the ones who were my friends very special and our bond was strong. When I move to Ireland I was very lucky to have had the family I worked for aunt around my age and then meeting other Au Pairs in the area who were all came around the same time I came. I got on well with a few of the Au Pairs. But, of course, we broke up (friend break ups are a thing and is a topic I like to touch on in another time). I became part of the Irish girls group which I loved a lot; they showed me how to put on tan-you can’t go back after that! When I move to the city it was harder; people in my course where older then me. And it was harder cause I lived there for a year but my american accent was clear. I had my roommates who I met people through. But it wasn’t until my friends birthday that I found my sole sisters; we hit it off right away. Eager to have girlfriends, I message them, chatting with them, asking if they were free and the was squad formed. I also was using social media to connect with girls that went to my school through twitter and instagram. And it worked, not only was I using my blog as a way to put myself out there, network but make friends. Side note: I love the little blogger connections I’ve made, it is really nice feeling and thing to have is friends in blogging world; and it isn’t like some network thing. These bloggers could easily be friends with in real life, going to pubs, shopping, having a laugh with. I love making connections and when they *spark* I am happy!
Now, moved again not in college or joining ‘girls who lived abroad’ group, meeting friends is much harder. And it seemed when you did go out no one was willing to go outside there group of friends to talk to you. The whole you have to know people really was true. So how do you make friends in your 20s?
You think you’ll make friends at work but you are working with a variety of different ages and some will talk about there kids-you don’t have a kid. Or you meet someone and they have their own lives and priorities. Or their bio on bumble is “looking for friends when my boyfriend is busy”. If you don’t like to drink wine or wear pink then you can’t sit with them. Not saying they tell you not to sit with them, but it can feel like that.
I actually don’t have an answer for you; which kind of makes this post pointless. However, after moving back using social media like I did in grad school and going on bumble (a dating app) BFF mode which was cool, there might be an answer. First, did it work? Kind of, some girls I connected with, but I got myself off bumble. Being a kid born in the 90s not use to this technology it’s awkward and we don’t know what to do with it. It seems unnatural. For me I found the hard part was finding the people with the same interest, values and mind set, meaning willing to make friends. I didn’t want to watch the Bachelor or drinking wine, going to brunch wasn’t my thing. And it was clear I was definitely in a different place then a lot of people, while they were picking out wedding dresses or baby clothes I wasn’t and I was fine with it. And with instagram, I found, everyone was using it to basically network for there blog like a business and making friends is no business.
When making friends you need to be willing and most importantly being friendly!
Sure your in your 20s your growing up, you have a life, you have your friends, but there is no problem mingling with others when out and chatting them up you might get on really well. Honestly one thing I miss and is lacking in making and meeting people is deep meaningful conversation and making real friend connections. If I decided that I had my friends at my friends birthday party, and just talked to the people I new and didn’t talk to anyone else I would haven’t met my squad girls. So if your anything like me and want to put in an Ad in the paper for friends then put yourself out there, use the technology we have, its odd its weird but try it! Be friendly, talk to them like you would talk to them in person. Be willing to talk to people outside your friend group,
ask them if they want to do something, invite yourself, say hi and you never know the person you say hi to might be looking to make friends too. Thus, they will be doing the same things and say hi back. If not, well they aren’t going to be your friend. You want friends who are going to be your friend, not just for a minute or cause their boyfriend is busy, that’s not a friend. I keep the same mindset of how to meet friends with connecting with bloggers–I want to surround myself with different, loving, determine, supportive, people. Making friends is hard in your 20s but maybe go back to your 5 year old days and just ask if they want to be your friend.
You can tell I’m all about those friendships and meaningful connections.
I like writing stuff like these so if you have any ideas of what other friendship topics I should talk about let me know, really!