I decided to create a blog series on bad dates and everything in between. And I’ve been on dates and began seeing guys who’ve been nice don’t misunderstand me. The focus here is the “bad”. We are talking about dating for 20 something girls, this isn’t some high school dating shit. This is dating where you might want to find the one, might want that guy you can depend on, the guy you can talk to, go on the adventure with, who’s your best friend. This is Part 2 of Bad Date Series. Read part 1: bad dates and self love.
In this second part of bad date series, we are going head first into those frustrating “I’m seeing the guy”, fuck boys, and the guy who isn’t really looking for a relationship. And how they are important to have but soon or later you have to cut them off and wave goodbye.
First, let me tell you I’ve been there. I was seeing a guy where we weren’t seeing each other but I saw him. I saw him on Thursday night for a drive, I saw him on a night out. I was seeing a guy who all we did was talk through the messenger, never wanted to meet up unless it was on a night out. I was seeing a guy but the minute I needed someone to talk to or be there he suddenly wasn’t. Was it too much to ask for, obviously it was? A term I learned is breadcrumbing. I was being breadcrumbed by these guys– I wasn’t some queen; instead, I was a regular girl there for their needs and entertainment. But, hey it got me to the girl I am today and I can share those experiences with you. So let me tell you about these bad dates and hope that when you decide to walk away it’ll be the BEST thing you will EVER do!
So what happens when you start seeing the guy and suddenly the conversation has stopped, only sees you on a Thursday night? You are questioning if you can even tell him things, or if he cares. All you’re getting from the guy is a few snaps. There is something wrong here. How do you know when the guy you’re seeing is going to stop playing and start to be “something”. Or how do you stop wasting your time on guys who do things that are just between fuck boy and a guy you saw? I’ve had the 4 am phone calls asking me if I was around, I told them they better be dead if they are waking me up from my beauty sleep. I got those pop-up snaps that I knew what they were. These guys weren’t a waste of time, but they wasted a lot of my time. It took a lot of same old shit to get to the point of goodbye.
Suddenly, dating is not dating to hang out with the girl, go on adventures; it’s all about ‘getting down with it” a phrase that was said to me. But, hey, at least the guy was nice enough to take you out to dinner first.
Here’s the thing. We’ve all been there. It’s all fun until you began to realize it’s not fun anymore. Whatever the situation was, who it was, one way or another we girls have been there. Hanging out with a guy, talking to a guy; and suddenly you’re only seeing him horizontal on your basement coach as he whispers in your ear something like “it would be the best I would ever have-” it happen! The guy you have a crush on becomes exactly what you didn’t want him to be. A tool. So what do you do?
You may think this is as good as its going to get and you deserve to be treated and keep going with the guy; despite it. NO HELL no! See Part 1. You, girl, are powerful and don’t deserve the guy who’s going to only talk to you when he wants something from you or the guy who after hanging out with him walks out on you like your some one night stand; making you feel so gross. The one thing you have to ask yourself do you want to? As long as you feel confident and will not feel like your self-worth just got flushed down the toilet go for it–wear that crown. Girl power! But if it does not then don’t even bother to because those “hanging out” boys will only see you as that.
It might actually be you.
Sometimes its, not even the guy that breadcrumbing it’s you. You are hanging out, it’s going really well, maybe but nothing is really there. OR have you ever just forced it because A. you feel bad B. your bored C. giving too many chances. I had to convince myself to hang out with guys even though I didn’t like them. Only because he was the little ‘excitement’ (because entertainment sounds bad) through out my day but it wasn’t thrilling–no butterflies were flipping in my stomach.The best advice I got that I’m giving you when it comes to hanging out with guys and you’re forcing it; that no matter how much you may want a boyfriend, someone to hang out with or a guy in your life it’s not worth wasting your time. Because when you know, you know.
We are queens worthy of a king. The game can be fun, the attention can be thrilling, especially when you’re young but those calls at 4 in the morning, popping up because they heard you were in town, sending you a snap chat and you know what it is–is going to get old. Leaving those guys behind may make you feel like your alone but I will say you will feel more powerful than ever because of it. Look at you, you’re killin’ it you don’t need a guy who only wants you for a minute!