There is this quote out there that I love and sums me up: “sometimes, you gotta take a break. in beautiful place. alone. to figure everything out.”
One of the worst, challenging and frustrating years of my life was over and the month of January started out feeling determine but it was a new year but more we got into it the more it felt a lot like 2017 (I need to take my own adviceadvice). So I needed a break, not only from personal struggles and frustrations but from blogging frustrations. I have voiced my thoughts all over Twitter and sometimes in captions and it got to a point where it wasn’t even helping. And a lot a time my frustration usual would come from outside voice. Imagine that you have to do things and you have people telling you those things that are on your list. Do you get me? I was lost and stuck, nothing I was doing was working. And I hadn’t gone on an adventure in over a year- which is really weird because once a month a weekend I would go on a day adventure with one of my best friends for two years all over Ireland. Thus, I booked myself a long weekend to a new place perfect timing too since everyone was coming here for the Super Bowl!
Taking that break…in residential areas.
I found myself walking for an hour and 45 minutes in a residential neighborhood completely bored out of my mind. My headphones weren’t working and so I couldn’t have my music. My data was turned off, so I wasn’t walking with my eyes on my phone except there was a point that I was so bored on this walk, because I was in the residential area, that I wanted to just sit on the curb and sit on my phone. I just rolled my eyes at myself. Because in that long, lonely walk it hit me I was “hitting my goal for why I came on this adventure”. To feel good. There was no stress and unnecessary anxiety.
I left the stuff in MN and took none of it with me to Portland but it didn’t mean it was gone. Like the quote said all you need is a break in a place. And sometimes it takes an adventure to a new place to clear your head and take a breath. Like I said I left the stuff there but doesn’t mean they’re gone, I could easily go home and be hit with everything again….
Figuring everything out
In the airport, I saw this postcard, but they weren’t your usual postcards, they were more graphic with photos of all the famous places of Portland but with words on them–all related to Portland like “explore Portland” and that is what grabbed my attention. This was something I’ve done, played around, did school projects on and suddenly it hit me I could do that. I WAS EXCITED! So I sat down ready to call my mom when this guy came over. We got into talking, him mostly, it was really weird. He said he was a freelance marketer, he did a degree in creative writing and that grabbed my attention. He took a call and told me to “see how it’s done”. I was a kind of thankful for this guy to come up to me, for him to be in marketing with writing because he made me realize that is not something I want to be in. Instead, I want to write but I want my writing to be more visual I always have but I was missing the credits for graphic.
For a whole year I was trying to find my “places” trying to figure out where I fit, and more I tried the more I realize I don’t fit in. The thing that made Ireland so easy was fact I was different, I was labelled the “American au pair” from the start but I was welcomed with my differences and sometimes it felt, to me, because I wasn’t like everyone else made me fit, welcomed, “popular” (in a way but I don’t like using that word). I have been trying to write myself in a blog, in documents, in bios etc. to meet others, to get the likes, to get the call when I should be confident in myself and stick with myself. I realized on this trip I should stop getting to the point in questioning myself and stick with “I am myself!”, and figured out WHAT I WANT TO DO!
I got on the plane super tired but I had ideas popping into my head. But as I got home, like I expected the things were still there. What was different was how was I going to handle it. I began searching about taking a class in graphic design, trying to figure out which Adobe program should I get, and doing my blog the way I want to. I always say “if I get that one thing then this will happen,” like the dominion affects. But that is not always true-sure there are some things you can’t control like getting a job until you get an interview but how you put the effort in, how you don’t give up and how you just don’t focus or listen to the negatives things will begin to change!
What’s been like after the adventure
Since being back I jumped back into reality, but I have a done a few things. I worked hard on that city girl guide to Portland, I’m working on making changes to my Insta to not be so blogger but focus on my writing and photography. I have ideas popping into my head for my design ideas, and I have goals to write 5 pages each week to write that novel!! The key to starting something is it does take time, you need to build up your stuff before it can become something! Expect to see changes and A LOT MORE writing with a city girl story, especially more visual and words on Instagram!
Portland was good for me, it was nice to be in that weather and mother nature again aka the beach, it was nice to be on my own, to relay on myself-force to do things on my own. If you want to read my City Girl Guide check it out here. Except for not a lot of a city girl these coming weeks because I’m building and creating. I will be turning 26 next month, its a birthday I am not looking forward to. But, that’s a different blog post.