Bad Dates Part 7: How to talk to a woman

I think when a guy tells you “you look fuckable” you know you aren’t going to get the respect you deserve. How boys act around and towards woman is shameful, and there is no shame put upon them. This part 7 I talk about how to talk to a woman. 

There was an event (that even the right word) that happen in Ireland (Northan Ireland) of a rape case that went of course ‘not guilty,’ and the woman was slut-shamed for it, social media went insane. I will not talk about it because it’s just too much and none of it was surprising. However, the reason why I mention this because it brought up something that hasn’t been anything new, which is how men talk to/about women. The evidence in the case was the text messages these boys sent to each other talking about the woman. Calling themselves “top shaggers” Calling the girl a slut. And again none of it was surprising because boys will be boys, but that is not even close to how you should be talking to/about girls. 

 I’ve seen it, I’ve overheard it, and have been sent text messages. I’ve been talked to by boys like I was some kind of thing, not a human being. I once got a video call from a boy who I didn’t really consider a friend, call me up to talk to me, and he then passed around for his friends in the room to see me, call me names that they thought were charming but also entertainment for THEMSELVES. I told his friend off, and he said: “you’re a real bitch aren’t you.” I told him yes. and his response was “your really gorgeous though…” and continue to degrade me down to him he thought he was flirting, but I hung up as he laughed.  Also, once at a going away party when this local kid kept harping on me. Trying to get my attention, but I wouldn’t give it to him, ignoring him I watch him go to a phone and pretend to call someone saying “Yea I have an American prostitute here. How much is she worth?” I heard it and was like excuse me, as my friends held me back. Because I’m not the kind of woman to take it or even let it get by.  

I was at work checking out a customer, a woman. A bunch of guys with there pants down to there ankles were at the register next to us. They started to talk to this girl, who never looked at them if she did it was side eye. The conversation was nothing, talking about their connection to Chicago. But this one guy, I watch him look at this woman up and down, putting his hand to his chin, licking his lips, staring right at her butt. He even went behind to get a better look as he said  “mhmm.” His friends ‘whispered’ comments about her as I tried to quickly get her out of there.  I was not only scared for her, but I was creeped out by these men. I wanted to tell them off, but they were bigger than me, and I knew if I said something that it wouldn’t be a good ending. The guy would not walk away.

But many times before I have said to the guy to fuck off after he tried to grab my friend’s vagina in a club when the lights when on. These events happen all over State Side to Ireland to all around the world, this behavior has no boards.  And it’s given the excuse called “locker room talk.” But it’s not even in the locker room, they’re saying it in public, right to your face and there is no punishment or shame.  The shame is on the girl, who did nothing.

The guy walks off like he is the man. Fits in the air because he scored _ He got the girl K. James

I don’t want to date. 

Every time I go on a date or start to talk to a guy he seems to only be able to comment on what I look like. And the minute I say something that I show I actually have a brain and picked up a book, unlike him. He tries to bully me down, make fun of me, tease me but just to get me all hot and heavy. I’m not, I’m more bored and unattracted to him.

Dating has proven how I’m such a strong woman with a mind of her own and a lot of men can’t handle that. When I speak up, disagree, tell the guy about how I punch a boy in the balls once. The guys run so fast. Because they know they won’t be able to slut shame me, walk on me, or take advantage of me. But not every girl is like me. 

We shouldn’t let guys determine our self-worth or define us. It is so easy for boys to bully and degrade us down to a “slut” and describe us like we are nothing but an object. And it is tough to say to those guys “go fuck a tree”!  Because we will become a bitch, we are supposed to take it, we are distracted them with our T-shirt. 

 We say no, we call them out, we walk away, however, we get in trouble, we get slut-shamed, we are blamed.   It’s our fault that we at 14 suddenly have breast and the teenage boy next to us in science class is “distracted.” Because of this girls/women don’t even dare speak up or walk away because we are scared of the fact we are not victims, we are the issue. This is what we are taught, and that is what is put upon us. Society rules and the law have given men a slap on the wrist for their behavior. And women should have taken it as a compliment.  BULLSHIT! If the law is not going to make a woman feel safe, if society isn’t going to change anything, than men, man up and teach your gender to respect woman and you should want to.  

The more women speak up, the more it’s going to get harder for these events to happen.

I’ve honestly given up on dating. I’ve given up on men. Not only because I’ve been on too many bad dates that it’s been such a waste of time but talking to them, is soooo dull and it’s like I’ve heard it before. Also, I do not feel safe to talk to a man. I feel like when I sit across from a guy, there is this elephant in the room. Or if a guy approaches me, a pit in my stomach tells me to run, I want to curl myself up, pulling my body closer in as he passes me because too many hands have touched my butt without permission.  Until some guy can actually talk to me without using his dick, maybe I will date. But so far I’ve seen too many dicks that I’m bored.

I know that the last few Bad Dates haven’t been “funny” but lately a lot of things that have been happening that spark a conversation hasn’t been funny. But I’ll get to the funny ones next time! Also, for all the girls who have been there, you are not alone, and I believe you.