I have had summers filled with adventures and boys. But this summer I have had none of that. Maybe its a sign that I’m getting old. Perhaps it’s a fact I work the 9-5 job. Perhaps because I’m back home home and how the culture here is very different from the last 3 summers I’ve had living abroad. Now I am having summers I deserve.
Don’t get me wrong having a list of guys, falling hard for someone, running around like crazy, Friday nights out and Saturday too; are fun. Adventuring off somewhere with nothing holding you back is what I live for. However, it isn’t that I am getting old it’s that it’s not what I want. I don’t want to keep living my 20 something lifestyle, I still wish to have crazy adventures with nothing holding me back. I don’t want a summer fling.
I never needed a guy. I have been fine with me, myself and I. Doing my thing without needing someone, figuring out how to open something on my own. However, as I sit in my Minnesota apartment I think to myself wouldn’t it be nice to get hit on the right way, to have that summer fling? But then I see socks with sandals!! And I think otherwise.
I find myself coming to terms that maybe I don’t need a guy because I never needed a guy.
For my 26 years around the sun, I want me. I want to take myself on dates, I want to do things with me and for me. I want to take pictures for me and not post them but hang them on my wall.
I remember on a night in Cork. I was going out with one of my best guy friends for our last night together. AS I waited for him I got myself ready and I felt so good in my own skin, with who I was and I was feeling like a queen. I want my summer to be filled with that feeling all the time.
This decision hasn’t come from so many bad dates and small conversation of death but coming from how I’ve been questioning myself and forcing myself to get back to myself these last few years. I said that moving would bounce me back and then when I moved I decided getting my hair done would do it, then getting that round mirror, etc. but none of it was bringing me back. It brought on a break down instead. I am impatient and easily frustrated that I began to look at what I been doing wrong. I’ve been spending 80% of my time on apps to connect with people, sharing my life on snapchat instead of meeting up or making skype dates, swiping on guys that don’t give me that feeling. I am getting into the binge lifestyle instead of living my life, I give into my anxiety instead of dancing in the rain and who cares who’s watching.
It is time to stop that and start living my life, getting out there and being me with no care in the world. To sit outside a coffee shop or in a pub (brewery) on my own with a pen and paper to write about those summer flings I did have.
This summer hasn’t gone to plan, a lot has happened that really changed me and broke me down-a lot that I won’t share here or anywhere. Now for the rest of the summer, I am going to have a summer fling with myself and maybe for the rest of the year. No boys just a lot of chines food 😉 (comment if you know what show that’s from!!!)