You always have this day dream of where you are going to be by some age. You imagine you are in your mid 20s, living in the city somewhere, working your dream job, planning a wedding and/or about to have a kid. My day dream wasn’t always a white picket fence, marriage or kids but a loft apartment above some old place with a dog. I’d take public transportation because that’s what all the women did in the movies. I’d cross the street like Anne Hathaway in Devils Wear Prada. That’s were I thought I’d be, but that’s not where I am and I can honestly tell you I feel like a total failure at 26.
I know I do not want to be stuck and I do not want to feel this feeling anymore. And I haven’t be able to get myself out of this hole.
‘This isn’t how my life is suppose to go,’ I keep telling myself, this is actual what I feared my whole life would end up being when I had to grow up. I thought that this summer would be the turning point to getting myself to the day dream of me walking down the street with a New Finland, reading a book in the near by park-but it wasn’t. Partly because the apartment I live in doesn’t accept dogs but turn of events have lead me back to where I was a few months ago. I look around me and others with there successes, you know their lives are not perfect no ones is, it’s not that I want a baby or plan a wedding like my friends are doing. It’s just I look at them and where they are than I look back at mine and its nowhere near to my day dream.
You do not need to give me some inspiration quote because I have read and heard them all or advice. To be honest I do not need someone to tell me ‘your time will come soon’ because when is ‘soon.’ I am not an optimist I am a realist. So when I look at a situation I look at the facts and determine what I can do.
Nothing every goes to plan, that is the scary thing about life.
Here are the facts: I know who I am and what I am capable of, I know that I have met challenges before and overcome them. That I am only 26 and I do not need my life together right now despite that feel like I should.
All I can do is stay true to myself, be honest with myself and people around me, to take every day one at a time, put confidence in myself and to never think too far a head. I grew up on a word “Sisu” it means determination in Finnish. And its tattooed on my wrist in my hand writing because through out middle school and high school until I got it tattooed on, I use to write in on my hand before a test, having to turn in a paper, go into a class that gave me anxiety, etc. Sisu is what I can do, I can be determine to get myself back and to get that day dream to be a reality.
You shouldn’t worry for what could happen, you can only prep for the possibilities.
If you are someone who is struggling with life, where you are now and where you feel you should be, feeling stuck and like a failure because you have a masters degree but your doing nothing with it? You are not alone. And I am not here to give you advise or opinion, because when you feel this down that is not what you need. You need distractions, people who around you that will be there for you and with you, to listen to you and tell you your doing alright. Because really the last thing you need is advise that “your time will come.” Because when you hear that when your feeling like a failure you see your future as the worst possibility. Because when you feel like failure you will see your worst nightmare and your biggest fears a head of you. Leading to you feeling overwhelmed with anxiety and depression.
For someone who has been there and has been going back and forth I can tell you that in this moment do not think of the future and/or compare it to where you are right now. Focus on the now, not the bad stuff but to focus on the now and what you can do, the changes you can make to pull yourself out of the hole. I personally feel like I just keep pulling myself out of holes and falling back in. However I think this last time when I fell back into the hole I’ve have been filled with more sisu than every before. But I know I need to take my time, have some self care because in these moments anxiety can really take over.
My tips for you is to not rush, take one day at a time, deal with the things that are on your mind, make a list, do not think of the future or the past but to focus on the day a head of you. Take your time in the morning, put effort into yourself, put on a cute killer outfit, walk out the door with a plan of action and walk the streets like its your runway. Work out, take walk, step away from social media, do not do something when you are filled with anxiety but with Sisu. And when you mind is racing clean!
Do not look at other peoples successes as your failures