Spill it out: I don’t want to be a good influence.

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I don’t want to be a good influence because that’s too much pressure for me.

We all want to find something of ourselves in someone else, we find inspiration but we also find jealousy. I’ve had my experience of both.  We can’t help it but I think we should find more inspiration from others vs jealousy. Staying on track with how I don’t want to be a good influence. No one wants the there daughter to be dropping f-bombs but maybe they want someone their daughter can talk to, can give them advice. Giving inspiration and determination. And that is me.

No one is perfect, and I am far from it. I am 25 years old, not only do I swear, but I drink, I’ve gotten myself into situations I regret, I don’t eat my crust, I don’t listen, I’ve driven over the speed limit, I show more skin in winter & in summer and I talk back. I am a 25-year-old woman who is going to be a 25-year-old women. However, despite that I am someone girls can look up to. I understand my platform, I understand that people look up to me from the little one to my cousins to my peers. And I want them to. Because, as I grew up I didn’t really have that. I had a few but there was more I had to learn on my own or through friends that would be GREAT to have someone older to be there. Through blogging that’s my goal.

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There are topics I wanted to talk about on here that I stepped away from; like this post was going to be something completely different but I deleted out of fear of what people may think. Not about me more out of consideration of how others may react, and opinions, negative ones. I never want to offend. There are topics and subjects that are hard to talk about, one’s that are seen shameful or make people bashful. I personally, don’t mind talking about the topics but I feel more awkward when I know others don’t. I also 100% worry of being called names or opinions from outside voices just cause of a topic. Which just makes me more want to talk about it.

This is life, these things are happening in our lives; and the more we don’t talk about them the more we will either feel shame or there won’t be a change. They won’t be a lesson learned or even understatement.

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So, I’m going to talk about some things; you might not like them you might not agree with them. Hey, thats how the world works and that is fine. But don’t shame or be mean to someone because of that. We hear/see it so often people comments, people being opinionated towards who we are, what we do etc in life and online.  Great fantastic– like the random people on the beach when I was having one of the most frustration moments of my nanny life with a dog and a ball telling me what to do–I will tell you what I told them–go away. I won’t be a good influence cause I will never meet others standers nor will I want to.

When I nannied the best feeling in the world was knowing that I impacted her (&him) vs verse to me as well. The moment she says she learned it from me even if it was “probably shouldn’t have taught her that” like “that’s my name don’t wear it out.” That honestly was the best feeling. I know I’m no one, nor do I want to be, but if I can change (impact) girls in a way that makes them into empowering, driven, independent girls who have no fear of being who they are. Then I will be happy.

What I will be isn’t a good influence but I will be someone to look up to.

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How I edit my photographs: instagram addition

I thought about doing this for awhile now.  I do have a background photography and so I know some stuff. 

edited photographs
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First let’s talk about how I organize them and the “aesthetic”

Aesthetic is an artist finger print of what they use throughout their work. I like bright, with dark shadows; I want blue, grey, and purple, sometimes green to pop in my photos. Sometimes orange/brown nature colours come out. EXAMPLE

Take the first set below; I used probably the same filter; but what I did was keep an eye of how each photo works together, going from the picture of the water to the brick wall with the words-both have dark shadows, blue hues. Then the sign picture to the bar picture, the signs orange reddish that transitions well with the bar and with the black contracts, then lighting does change  with bar being much brighter. So then the subject or object of each photo helps with the transition. Over the time my feed has changed, sometimes when your posting without planning things won’t look consistent and that is when I look for similarities. The second photo stock below is a good example of that. You can tell that my photos went from  bright to dark. The location changed, thus the lighting, object change with it. But between each one they worked together. I call my getting brighter picture my summer to winter season in photographs.

what I always do is use UnUm app to help with organising  photos.  I want to post and share, to help see where I want them. NOW i only do this for blogging! If I did this personal my head would be a nightmare.

image1Things to consider when you’re thinking about your instgram feed: 

  • Lightening
  • Try to stay away from really bright/dark photos
  • Subject/object
  • Have a “transition” photo-mine are usually black and white
  • Allow your instgram to change–those stock photos are over the year of my instgram but I kept the same “what I take and share”
  • Colour–I love colour–I’m really about blue, grey; even in summer.
  • Don’t think too hard about the astetic

What I take pictures of

I’m snap happy  and even though I was educated in photography I am not someone who is tedious–taking photos is just natural to me. I look at how the human eye sees it then i see how I see it. I take a picture of something 10 different ways. I take pictures of my feet. And my “need to be different” plays a lot in my instagram feed and staying true to who I am. I don’t want to take a picture from someone elses perspective, I want to take them  from my perspective. If I like how they did it I want to that picture myself, use it as inspiration. Allowing my ‘finger print’ in my creativity and photography to come out. Photograph is our own of how we see something a lot of the time.

But I do want my pictures to tell a story, even if it’s a picture of my coffee cup and sun glasses, my  advertising/marketing education comes into my mind for those things. Learning about rules of thirds, what you want the subject to be, human eye and understanding of what they are looking at.

Things to considers when taking a photograph:

  • Rules of Third
  • What your object is.
  • The question my professors ask me is “what do you want the picture to say”
  • Audience
  • Try different settings
  • Try manual
  • Learn about IOS and F stop
  • Don’t just take a photo from the “usual” perspective take it different angles

Camera’s used:

 Canon Sx600 HS

Canon EOS rebel T3

iPhone 6s

 

How I edit them 

Now to get to what people want to read about, editing. What I do when I edit is really what colours I really want to bring out and subject. Take these set  below , I used the same filter, I adjust them all the same way; yet there not the same; they work together that’s for sure.  The first photo at the top, of the building, the focus was on the building so I made sure that when I edited that wasn’t off; take the picture of my feet, with the lighting and shadows mixed together I edited so nothing was too dark or too bright. Working with the photo and focusing on the subject is key to editing photographs.

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I use VSCO like everyone else; my top three are A5, and HB1 HB2. Lately, I’ll go on instagram and do like 25-40 on Aden filter but thats usually when trying to make different photos taken at different times to fit together. If the photo is dark I raise the brightness or vis versa. I raise contrast, do a little bit of saturation and decrees temperature to max of 1.0 to get more of a blue tone to my photos. I never go over 2.0 when adjusting each tool. I might do extra things like fade, skin, etc but usually not.

If I do a selfie I always whiten my eyes, teeth and sometimes hair-to make it look like my hair went grey. SECRET OUT! But I rarely do selfies on my blog instagram.

What to consider when editing photos

  • to make the photos not look so photoshop
  • REAL is key
  • Don’t edit to much
  • stay away from any filters that really change the colour of your skin

And that’s how I do it! I love taking pictures for a lot of reasons but the main one is so I don’t forget the places I’ve been and what happen behind the picture because when I look at them I not only see the place but I remember who was with me, what I was feeling, what happen before and after, the words that were said, and how I was feeling in that moment. I remember everything in that picture even the stuff that isn’t captured. 

 

Comment below and tell me your favourite filter to use. Also do you do something different when editing? What do you like to take pictures? do you even like taking pictures or just do it when your on holiday or birthday?

 

 

 

How to deal with stress and the unknown

I’m someone who loves to know things–and I usually can figure it out — I am also someone who gets stress very easily. And well not knowing the future and me being the Peter Pan child I am–I’m going to talk about how to deal with those moments of the future.

How to Deal with Stress 

and the Unknown


If you read my post about being back you know that my “future” is very up in the air, stressful, full of anxiety and fears that I am going to live in that box my professor was talking about when we were becoming English majors. And there is a lot more to my future that makes me worry but bottom like it can be super scary, growing up and not having a clue. So I’ve been there, I’m going through it if you are too– here is what I do to relax and know that everything will be okay.

  1. Try not to think or plan too far a head. I hate the question what are you going to do after? Like I haven’t even gone to grad school yet and your already asking me what I am doing to do after grad school? (that happen). The key is really don’t have an answer to that 5 year plan. You should have your week, due dates written, important appointments booked but take one day at a time.
  2. Do something about it. I am someone who will be so worry about something and only way to ease the worry or stress is to do something about it. Like if I am stressing over the test, then I should study. If worry about getting a job; start applying to jobs. Pretty simple, unless your anxiety comes in just work at it, breath, take your time, there is no rush–see back to #1. d963af99fee99dc5720036ca240b377f
  3. TALK get advise, let it out. I find it comforting to talk to people, like friends, my mom. And just say whats on my mind to get advise. Even if its like “everything will work out” I am like “I’m just really inpatient.” Hearing others telling you advise, even if its something you roll your eyes at, or hear all the time. Hearing it from someone else eases your mind a little less–also talking it out to someone to be understanding is the BEST. And I have some really kick ass friends who listen to be bitch–so I appreciate them dearly638e34feeb88c5c693df36648d702d44
  4. Don’t compare yourself. It is easy to look at someone who’s similar to your situation like right out of college, same major, trying to make it in this adult world–yet they seem to be getting somewhere were your still struggling. You can’t compare yourself; because you are on your path–jealousy runs deep and it won’t help you at all. So remember what they do isn’t what you do–and maybe thats the push you need to get yourself going?
  5. Organize and Plan. The one way to ease your stress is to organize yourself and plan. Cause when stress its the littlest things that bother you. I feel so at easy because I organize my room. And I feel set with my plan for the day to get to my goals. Long or short.
  6. Remember you’re young. You don’t have to have life figured out, or that white picket fence. Or even have a job. You don’t have to be traveling the world either. You shouldn’t be stressing so much about things that haven’t happen–go back to #1. Do what you please, go after what you want, and don’t stress (to your best of ability).
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“Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together” _Elizabeth Taylor

For more pictures follow A City Girl Story on instagram and for more fashion and inspiration FB page (up in the right hand corner)

xox

Kole.

Bad Dates and Self Love

Let me tell you about dating…

Bad dates
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There are no cute meets in coffee shops and no guy is going to give you his leather jacket to ask you to go steady. No guy is going to ask for your number; instead, he’s going to ask you for your snap chat handle. Dating game has changed now that there are dating apps making it easier to meet someone, to put your face out there for strangers to swipe on, and no place to run. Also the whole one night stand, booty call seems to be more what people want then meeting someone to form some kind of connection with. That’s all anyone wants is to love and be love, to have someone to go on adventures with? Or do you just want someone to meet up and get it done.

I found myself on tinder and bumble; I will have to say I hate them both. I would be swiping left through Tinder so many times for the guy was holding a fish. My friends keep telling me to not be so stubborn; “what’s the harm in going out on a date with the guy?” Let me tell you the harm is having a guy come at you with all lips, forcing them on you like a horror movie. I went on a binge of dating for a while and a number of bad dates I had made me realize exactly what I didn’t want and also the meaning of self-love.

I went on a date with a guy who told me I talk like a 16-year-old. Another guy kept making fun of me, calling it a joke, and constantly touching my back. He kept doing it after I told him I didn’t like being touched. I had a guy end up getting drunk and wanting to go clubbing. And then there was the guy who kept pushing back the hour of time we were meeting up. I wouldn’t think I would be the girl to hide in the bathroom to ring her roommate to call her in 5 minutes to get me out of here, but I was.

And it might not even be a date. How many times did I end up being out and the guy I matched on Tinder wanted to meet up? Here’s my tip, don’t even bother! The guy will turn out to be a real D-horrible, so get your free drink and run.

If first dates weren’t the ‘strike out’ that you needed the second one should be. And ask me how I could even go on a second date, the answer is I’m Minnesota Nice. I went on a first date with a guy who just made everything awkward. He wouldn’t talk. And I didn’t get those butterfly feelings but when he asked me on a second date I said yes. You know that feeling when you just can’t tell someone ‘no’ because you’re afraid of hurting their feelings.

Being on these dating apps, I wonder where conversations have gone–maybe to the smiling poo emoji.  While here I was trying to have a really conversation and the guy sends me sentence of emoji’s like it was Morse code. I had a guy on Tinder talk about how I looked “bang-able.” I don’t even know how to respond!?!  One of the guys, I was ‘talking to’ would every hour tell me what he did then ask me what I was doing, I would tell him. Then hour go by and again. My fingers were angry texting as I told typed him exactly what I said to him earlier. There is risk of creeps out there, you always have to be safe. Which I am, the handsy guy followed me out of the bar with his drink, the bouncers stopped him, while I looked at them giving them “i’m running away from this dude’ waved me off keeping him there. I also have had passive aggressive guys, who have told me they would do anything to be with me.  I run away so fast  from these guys that once they realize, I’m in Jamaica.

Through these  bad dates or bad meetups I learned: to never go on Tinder again, never wait 20 minutes for the guy to show up, and I learned exactly what I don’t want. I don’t want a guy who is going to talk down to me. I don’t want a guy who thinks its alright to wear socks with Nike Flip Flops. And through those I don’t wants I found myself realizing who I was, how I should be treated and what I was worth.  Because no self want of a attention of a guy to be in my life was worth giving up for some passive aggressive, all lips, fish holding, treats you like a joke and their idea of a comment it to say how you look bang able.

We spend so much time searching for the guy, the one, someone to converse with, someone to have late night talks, and any pinterest quote says it all. But maybe it’s not what we need from guys it’s what we need to do for ourselves. Because we might end up meeting a guy who is interesting, can keep up and your attention and is willing to try. These bad dates have taught me that I’m not stubborn I just know what I want. And there is nothing wrong in knowing what you deserve; it is what we call self-love.

 

 

 

Comment below about any of your bad date stories. If you enjoy reading this and these kind of post like,share and let me know. I really went for in this post and really loved writing it. It’s suppose to be funny. 

April brings May favourites

April  brings  May favorite from beauty, music, quotes and how to organize self with goals this coming month!

Processed with VSCO with hb2 presetApril was about trying to bring thrill into my life. If you read my post about coming back you will know coming back hasn’t been easy, but its a new month  and  I’m brining the things I’ve tried and done in April into May, determine to make it a good one! Here are my favourite things….

Beauty:

IMG_0381I’m really trying to get into a bathroom routine, I’m at the age now that not having one will have great effects on me later.  I’ve been using Pixi Glow Tonic and Double Cleanser. Which still haven’t figured out if its been good for my skin but it has gotten my make up off like Double Cleanser is suppose to. I’ve been using this face brush from Olay that I’ve been really liking too. That has been a very good not so expensive purchase.

Make up:

Here’s a list of some of my favorite makeup:

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Also featured but not mention is my Inglot shadows I got–orange and white! I love the colours
  • Primrose Lipstick: This is my all time favorite lipstick from Revlon. I couldn’t find it for years.  I  tried to find something similar to replace it, but nothing could! A few months ago at Walgreens, I found it! The colour is between pink and a nude.
  • Tanya Burr liquid lipstick: Sadly this isn’t sold in America, I got it when I was in Scotland. MarthaMoo smells AMAZING, it doesn’t dry out my lips and it stays on even after drinking. And the colour is this perfect 90s pink-MarthaMoo!

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  • Collection concealer : this has been my favorite product of a time. Its thick, it doesn’t dry up and the #1 is perfect for under eye. Also, the  price. It really needs to come to America!
  • Benefit eyebrows: if there was one brand I  trust with my eyebrows its Benefit. Nothing else, if you saw my eyebrows you know they are good.
  • Nars counting stick: I haven’t been very good at contouring, I just feel like I never do it right. but with this stick, I get some shape to my face. Fast easy blend perfect for those no time days.
  • Tart Pro Palette: I love this palette for the variety of mat colours and good pygmies. My other shows I have to like layer on but this I don’t I just blend. I still create a black eye but I try.

Fashion:

Items I’ve been loving have been:IMG_0395

  • My Eire Necklace from Temple Wolf
  • Rose Gold Thumb Ring from Topshop
  • Loft leaper print sunglasses

I’m becoming more aware of things and how things can have negative effects, especially with clothes. So I’ve done a lot of research on what stores I shouldn’t and brands I should be buying. No more Forever 21. I’ve been loving H&M for really it has so much variety and quality, with good ethics. Less guilt 😉  I will be hitting a lot more local shops and vintage shops this month too!

Books:

  • Feminist Fight Club: I liked this book for it gave me off more educational yet funny explanation of feminist issues and how we can overcome. What women can do.
  • The life-changing magic of not giving a fuck: still in the middle of this book and loving every F-bomb she drops


Music/podcast

I needed new music and well Betty Who is catchy and when I listen to hit I just have these stories in my head, or memories. Betty Who brings life to my boring days. For podcast I can’t stop listening to Clt Alt Delete. Anytime I have this rant going on in my brain about life and media this podcast ends up talking about it and puts ease to my mind or makes me want to discuss it more. Also kind of want to see about doing my own podcast, a like talk show podcast where we just talk. Girl can dream?!?

Other
:

My Polaroid printer! I have so many cameras that buying another camera to have a Polaroid picture just wasn’t my idea but a printer is an idea.  I’m hoping with May and summer I’m able to take more pictures and print them!

Organisation and Planning:

I wouldn’t know how to tell someone how to be organize, I try.

IMG_7595 I work way better when I have a lot going on and something to focus on. Not being in school has be roof on my planning skills.  For the May the plan is setting goals but knowing anything can happen so don’t stress! Daily keep in mind my pie chart of self and health goals.  Taking more me time in the evenings but not being couch potato. Basically I want to fill in my pie charts and feel like I’m back in school, focus and getting things done! For anyone who is trying to keep up there days and not feel too overwhelmed or stress; I suggest setting goals and balancing work and self during your days.

A self-reminder for May:

Never let anything hold you back if you want to do something then do it, even if it is by yourself. why wait?!?

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P.S we are almost to 100 likes on FB page 🙂 go a head and like A City Girl story to get more A City Girl Story https://www.facebook.com/acitygirlstoryblog

A City Girl Update: The come back kid, talking about my graduation from UCC

This is an update post to where I am at personally, what graduating from University College Cork was felt like and also about how blogging can really get at you. This is the honest truth about figuring life out. Read to find out more….

The Come Back Kid

I think 25 means you stop waiting around, you stop letting the things you use to put up with hoping it’ll turn around, they’ll show up that you suddenly stop; you hear yourself standing up more, and saying goodbye. Before my two week adventure, I was not feeling it. I wasn’t feeling good. And it had a lot to do where I was in my life and how I saw nothing a head.  I knew I needed to go back to the place to allow myself a break and to bounce myself back.

Which it did, I figured out that I LOVE Ireland and my friends but there was no reason for me to stay and live out of a suitcase. I was done with temporary things. And by the time I had to leave I got another moment of “just leave.” not that I would leave Ireland but just that right moment for yourself to move on.

Processed with VSCO with hb1 presetI also found that I was on the right track of my dream to have a career in writing and being creative that I just needed to do what I’ve been telling myself for months. Which I needed to get my confidence back. Because well life is like Ikea direction and I was frustrated, and lost. I was feeling very shot down but then I remember who I was and what I could do. I was finding my “you’ll regret this” dress. What I mean is you know when some crush dumps you or makes you feel like crap, what does a girl do? She gets all dress up, she puts on that dress and she goes out on top! Feeling that “you’ll regret this.”

And when I got home, not only did I turn 25 but I was in my last week of working a temporary job I liked but wasn’t for me. It was starting to feel like a fresh start and motivation to really go for what I wanted.  I felt my confidence grow and my determination build. I felt like the things I had dealt with either my whole life or last five months were vanishing. I was finally letting go of the things I kept waiting and holding onto for so long.

Graduation

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Sometimes I wonder if it’s all in my head that I really don’t struggle as much as I feel like I do. When I finished undergrad I didn’t do the graduation because I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel like I achieved even though I did, I didn’t feel like it was my best. That had a lot to do with the fact my year was 100% not good. But, when I was in grad school that was different.  I felt like I finally achieved my goal. I did my best. I finally felt accomplish. Because even though the last 5 months made me second guess my choice in graduate school in Ireland. I knew it was the best decision and most accomplishment I had ever had. Until…

I open my e-mails. I got some not some good news from a submission place and it kept getting worst (like no one died or anything). I was feeling like here was this big achievement and it really felt like it didn’t matter.  I was seeing the bad over the good, like always. And my mom changed all that.

Having her there was important. Having her tell so many strangers how proud of me she was–not only was embarrassing MOM STOP but made me feel good. She has been there for it all, she has pushed and fought for me. And having her there watching me as I got my diploma from UCC. Meant the world to me, but it also reminded me that this was a big achievement for me and to forget the negative and focus on the good. That all I really needed was my mom.

Because despite my difficulties with English I graduated from a top college, in creative writing, I did it all in Ireland. This opportunity was fantastic and will bring me so many places. And I couldn’t be prouder.

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Let’s talk about A Day without women

 

The purpose of A Day Without Women wasn’t to cause chaos, but to show awareness of the importance of women in society in the work force and in the economy. It was a movement for women to be treated with respect and equality. AND men were NOT forgotten in this.strong-women-featured

So let’s get into why someone may “hate” on A Day Without Women. Maybe they saw that there was no point. Maybe for them, they were perfectly fine, but that’s them–there are more people in this world than just “you” who are not getting the same amount of respect, and benefits as you.  Some may even feel threatened. My favorite quote of all is “strong women scare weak men” BECAUSE its 100% true. We see it all the time, not only with men but with other women. They can’t handle a strong-willed person and get defensive for no reason. I will never understand these people. Then there are people who are just immature, some of which I had to deal with when I posted on my Instagram post to show support for women. I won’t call them out or say what was said but I’ve seen it too many times before and it needs to stop. These actions are what I expected would happen on March 8th. And it’s something I am tired of. BUT the negativity wasn’t loud enough to take away the importance of the movement.

Social media blew up, people, both men and women, showed their support. I loved seeing all the posts about women: the quotes, the words, the pictures, the little girls with their signs. I’d say we blew up everyone’s news feed, letting them know we are here! And it was not just a state-wide movement; it was world-wide. Ireland was striking to repeal the 8th.  It was a day to show awareness, to speak up, and to let society and governments know WOMEN are needed and deserve to not only be heard but to be treated with respect and equality.

I would have LOVED to have been at one of the events, but instead I wore red to show my solidarity.

img_4257The reason I am so passionate about women’s issues is not only because I am a woman, but also because over the years, I have felt both the struggles and the shames of being a women. Don’t get me wrong, I grew up in a house were my dad who never taught me and my sister that we couldn’t do anything case we were girls. He wanted us to do anything we wanted, but better. It wasn’t until I entered the world that I began apologizing for everything, feeling this shame, and struggling with myself and society. I was losing confidence. I found that I lost more and more of as I further entered the world, but why? Perhaps it is because I am a women. And that shouldn’t be the case.

I was silent for a really long time, but not anymore.

I began to find the voice and confidence in myself and understand the importance to not simply sit still and look pretty or just smile and say yes. Rather, I learned to speak up and to point out the wrongs when I saw them, all while maintaining a very Chrissy T mentality. I know the best way to respond to negativity or hate is silence but we’ve been silent for too long.We tried to get by, pushing our way to the top, saying no, wearing what we want to wear with no fear but it still wasn’t enough. Our silence wasn’t enough; we were still not getting equality, still seen with a “well, you’re a girl” mentality, called a bitch for speaking up, and having our rights to our bodies questioned. And that was what March 8th was all about: to break our silence so they would finally hear us!

I thrived off of this empowerment, wanting to take on the world with no fear or apologies. And really, I mention this in my women’s march post. We need this especially now, this sisterhood and love for each other is more important than ever, in this time where hate seems to be louder. The future is female!

And for the haters or people being negative on the day or towards any women or girl–you are sadly part of the problem.We fight for ourselves because of you.

 

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