College Check List: things and advise for College

If you want to know more things about school, my school stories; click here.

img_7506

I went back to my undergrad college campus (Winona State) after three years and it was super weird. We passed the beach volleyball section and I told my friend I remember being a freshman and feeling so not “in college” and not “college like;” I felt weird, young, and small. But then I remember all the things I did, wish I did and didn’t do–the didn’t are never regrets they were lessons. And if you are going to college for the first time, or in your third year here’s a check list of things and reminders of what to do in college.

CHECK LIST FOR COLLEGE

  • Get out of your bubble: expand yourself, this is the very first time where you don’t know anyone and you are living on your own-it’s exciting and scary. Just be willing to try and meet people, don’t be afraid. I think when I look back I was so stuck in my own worries and being “too hyper” and not wanting to be something that I wasn’t willing to just do things. It wasn’t until my 2nd year that I broke out of that.
  • Do things with your floor mates:  Definitely live on campus your first year, don’t think about moving out even if you can. I think the best thing about my first year was my floor. We would go to dinner together, we would sit in the hallway together, I would watch TV shows in my neighbours’ rooms. Sleep in the common room together one night. We would study together, we would go to class together or walk in the same direction especially if we saw each other waiting for the bus. Take advantage of living in a dorm!
  • Roommate:  This is my “advice”. I had two freshman roommates; the first one wanted me to change in her closet and the 2nd one stole my clothes. The check list is to really just get along with your roommate. You are put into a room with a total stranger and maybe for the first time in your life you may have to just be able to live with each other. If you can not get along, go to your RA; it’s what they’re there for.  Having a roommate will make you learn the importance of communication instead of being passive aggressive about issues.
  • Take notes, study, and find those reliable sources: I think the biggest thing about college is that you are coming out of a world you know, having parents telling you what to do and a familiar high school, to a ‘whole new world’ and part of that is  learning to be a college student. This might sound a bit weird but really spend time on your note taking, studying. My friend said she really grew and became more open from college, and that not only had to do with the experience of being around so many different things but also the education part. I learned so much in my classes. I never thought I’d learn about the relationship of “Spiderman, God, and Moby Dick.”IMG_6920
  • Go to a house party: I am not telling you to drink! I’m saying go to a crappy house, meet people, go into the party basement have the plumbing burst and be smart–Don’t be stupid! You really have to see things first hand to know, experience and learn that house parties aren’t glamorous at all.
  • Go to class: College isn’t only about the game and fun things you are also there to get an education. Skipping class, not doing the assignment is on you. The quote that stuck with me is “you’re paying for it not me”.  The best example I can give to you for not skipping class is my Energy class, he gave you the whole problem and how to answer them right there, leaving blanks and where to go and get that number to put there, and telling you what answer he wanted to have for an answer. . And there was a kid I met that never went to class, so he missed the homework. The professor said if you miss class you better come with a good excuse or have a good friend. That part I hated, but still how easy is that, go to class, you get the answers! Who would have thunk it!
  • Make friends with the “lunch lady”: I lived on west campus during my 1st and 2nd year and I knew all the staff people that worked in the cafeteria and I loved it! The lady who swiped the cards became my friend during our hour-long talks during breakfast. I went to her with tons of problems and stories; she pointed me in the right direction; she even got me a guys number. I got the best pancakes from the cook, and when the night cafe was open I got to sit with the guys and swipe cards. I even got free chicken tenders.
  • Join clubs: The one thing I wish I did more of was join more clubs or in Ireland they are called societies. I do think there wasn’t really much to pick from though. There were a lot of related to majors, and they felt clicky sometimes. I wish that the UCC societies had been at WSU; something like the Moltey  Magazine would have been SO COOL and a GREAT opportunity. There was a literary journal at WSU but it was a course and it wasn’t going to fit in my schedule.
  • Study abroad: Make time to study abroad. I think the best time I had in my four years was at UL (well top 5 & it is number 1). It is an opportunity to meet new people who will become lifelong friends.
  • Date: Definitely date in college. When I was in college Tinder and Snap Chat were popular and as a result dating was not the thing to do. People would just meet up and suddenly they were in a relationship. College might not be the place where you meet the “one”, but it might be. To find out, date!
  • Definitely do weird things in the library: I’m not talking about the Prince and Me moment, I’m talking about wearing a onesie into the library or maybe lay under the table. And it doesn’t have to be the library. One night my friend and I danced to a One Direction song all the way to the cafeteria. We had a night of “what Kole can fit in.”
  • Go to the games at least once: I am not a homecoming football fan, but I went once and I saw. I went to a lot of basketball games with friends that was fun!
  • Make connection with your professors: They are there to help you and near the end they can be a great resource to really help you even when you are out of college. Go to their office hours; they will tell you when they are on the syllabus, it’;-there is no excuse. Get to know your professors; like find out if they have a cat or a kid. I mean by the time you’re in your last year you might be drinking with them in a bar. WEIRD!
  • Don’t declare your major right away: After learning about how Ireland guides you into what major you should be doing I think we are really lucky that we are able to switch into a new major. I mean you may go to college thinking math but then you really like art. I didn’t declare my major until my 2nd year, I knew I wanted to do English but I wanted to figure it out. I do wish I took more graphic design classes or did more mass communication classes; but my school wasn’t a liberal arts college so the focus was a bit different.

College is the first real chapter when you are figuring yourself out so allow yourself to do it. Make friends, get out of your comfort zone, really get yourself involved, don’t be afraid, and definitely keep at your studies! I am not your mother but realize that college is the balance between having fun and getting an education, so do it!  This wasn’t supposed to be “tips” for college, but advice for things to do while in college and consider things that you may not have thought of doing. Like I didn’t join a club until my 2nd year of college, I mean I put my name down but it took a year to go.

 

I’m definitely going to a style school post closer to September, but I did share some Outfit ideas without going school shopping on FB page. If you want tips about college like studying, buying books, dealing with roommates, or making friends in your courses, like this post & if I get 6 likes I will know I should do it!

 

Bad Dates Part 3: what not to say to guys.

A List of things you should not say or do when dating a guy:

baddates3.jpg

  1. Don’t tell him you punch a boy in the balls in third grade
  2. Don’t show him the crazy side of you
  3. Don’t talk about what you’ve done, where you’ve done it and how many times you’ve done it (referring to anything really)
  4. Don’t tell him you believe in Women’s Rights
  5. Or that you’re a feminist
  6. Don’t tell him anything about you.
  7. Don’t tell him that the most controversial thing you ever wrote about was on your period.
    • “Hey…what is the most controversial thing you’ve ever blogged about?”“Probably about when I talk about my price of female products and my period”No answer
  8. Don’t show or let it show that you’re actually having a panic attack, just politely say you have to go
  9. Don’t give him your snapchat (this is more for you not for him)
  10. Don’t tell him you hate American Football
  11. Don’t go on a road trip, or out to dinner, don’t spend every Saturday or Friday because they may think you’re heading for marriage.
  12. Don’t tell or go on a rant about your worries in life
  13. Don’t tell him about your struggles
  14. Don’t get mad at him or punch him in the arm he doesn’t want to know how strong you really are.
  15. Don’t tell him about the things that irritate you like plaid shirts, large trucks and hat wearing out because he probably has all three
  16. Don’t ruin his jokes or pick up lines. Don’t even try to be sarcastic back to him- he either won’t get it or take your series or worst offensive. Cause for god sake you can’t joke!
  17. Don’s say whatever is in your mind, keep it in your mind, because once you say it he’ll realize your mind is insane!
  18. Don’t tell him not every girl wants a relationship
  19. Don’t question him.
  20. And don’t get to know each other-what are you thinking?

Obviously you should be doing what ever the hell you want, this was a joke list. When you’re going on a date, dating a guy; be yourself, if he doesn’t like it, can’t handle it, or gets mad at you for your honesty then that is not your issue.

To my friends

National Friendship day & I thought I write to my friends.

tomyfriends

To my friends I never thought I have, I am so lucky to have you.

I always new friends were what makes life great, but I seemed to never find the right ones. Until I met you. The moment we met, that one thing that bonded us together weather it was a night out, a scarf, me saying “hi” to you, a topic of conversation or fact we were roommates; it is was the start of our friendship. Those random moments were you let us sit down and we were friends by the end of the night. The friends that made me feel wanted like the time I was in my room and I got a message from you to come on over to watch Iron Man. To the girls I could talk to about anything, texting you none stop about the random things and the OMG moments. When I mention “the bus guy” you know which guy I am talking about. You know everything. The time I needed you the most, to just be distracted, to not talk about anything, to let me sit in silence, giving me a floor to sleep on when I was too drunk to go home. The spins around dancing and sining, welcoming me in your already formed group, creating life time of memories. Teaching me how to put on tan, doing my make up before I was going to have to talk to a boy. Me running to you after I talk to a boy. Giving me advise and vis versa.  To the road trips we had and the long talks in the car, you were the one that listen. And even if we weren’t that close of friends, we were still friends. Saying hi to me in passing, calling me Yank because that was our thing. If I was sitting by myself you wouldn’t ignore you would say hi. That despite the sexual tension or the history of who kissed who we were still could hang out, meet at the coffee shop, text every once in awhile, sit in my bedroom watching a movie chit chatting about our winter holidays. Commenting on pictures, have a little conversation that even though we only met once and weren’t definition of friendship we were friends. On a night out, you didn’t allow me to join, it just happen because we were friends and that’s what friends do. They see each other and end up having the bants and a great night out together. They tease each other, they have inside jokes.  The friends you never thought would happen, on Twitter, on social media, turns out you can be friends.  You are the ones can get on with, the ones were it is so easy to just be me around you with not hesitation, no worry, no problem. A friend you can hang out with, even the opposite sex. A friend whom might not even know it but means the world to you, because of that one night.

There is not explanation, even if I could, there are only those moments that explain it. Sitting in a beer garden with a couple of beers, chit chatting as you say “we be lucky to have you” to when all my friends I went out with went home and I felt find staying with you guys because we were friends and I never had that before, to the ones you can share a bathroom stall with. There are some bad times that is for sure but we don’t hold them agents each other, we ride them out, we talk them out, we get it because we know each other. We can get mad because we are human and we can’t always be nice. And that’s what makes a friendship. The tears down our faces shows what we really mean to each other. The distance never changed anything, the time apart never broke us, we were still wanting the best for each other, we were still there wandering about each other. We are still friends.

I never needed a group of friends, I only needed friends. And I have many, from high school lifers, to east coaster’s, to the house 44, to the village, to the boy down the road (it rhymed), to the lads who make me laugh, to the instant friends , to the guys, to my gang of friends, to pooh bear, to my college buds, to my “she doesn’t know but we are friends”, to my Food buddies, to my BFF, to my love. To the people I call friends–once your friend with me, we are friends for life.

Your Friend,13329358_10154052280143463_5138318605233107289_o

Kole.

 

 

 

Travel shouldn’t be a Luxury.

Traveling should be raw, it should be hard, it should be a lot of waiting around, it should  losing your underwear in a hostel.

travelingluxuryWhen I hear that someone hasn’t even gone to Canada, I’m shocked, because traveling is something we can do. We can get to Canada just by a car. A lot of time it is about time and money. Which in all honesty you can make the time and you can save the money especially if you really want to go. Traveling is something you can do, but it is seen as a luxury and something that should be luxurious or at least look it. With Instagram sharing your holidays it needs to be #holidaygoals.  Traveling should be raw, it should be experiencing the culture, and after traveling you can’t wait to take a shower and sleep in your own bed.

It’s 100% NOT trying to get #holidaygoals

Public Transportation

I actually hate flying, if I don’t have to fly I won’t. And Flying has become almost over price, stressful and irritating.  Cheap flights mean you can’t have a check bag, small sets, not customer friendly. It’s become ridiculous. Having a check bag shouldn’t be a luxury it should be a right! But we do it because its the fastest way to get somewhere. But I say if I am not flying over an ocean I’ll take a road trip. I think the one thing that I miss is the ability to travel and feel relax . And maybe that’s why we need more public Transportation. wink wink 😉4a3c1-img_2710

I remember when I was in 6th grade and we went to England for the very first time.  We had family friends we were seeing while there and they lived outside of the city.  How we got there was we went by a train, maybe it was a subway since we did go undergrand but it wasn’t the tube. And I thought it was the coolest thing because how do we go somewhere we take a car. I was in love with how real riding public transportation was.

While I lived in Ireland and traveled around, not being 25 yet, the only way to get around was by public transportation. Never once did I feel unsafe, on the bus to Galway, or did I feel unsure about the trains in Italy or in Germany. Going the wrong way to get to Berlin and ended up who knows where with graffiti and guys using the shelter as their work out zone. Sitting at the train station in Bath because EVERYONE was doing it. While using public transpiration you got more out of it, reading a book, looking at the country side, seeing sheep!

Places to Stay

Stay in a hotel is cool; there is breakfast all the time, you feel important when you go to the front desk, usually they have a pool and you have a bed. But, now there is Airbnb, hostels, etc. Which can be fun and feel like a luxury. Reality check, if you don’t want to put out the cash you won’t get those “Instgramable places” (i hate myself) sometimes they  are going to be a bed in someones basement that they personally built the bathroom (I’ve seen a few especially when looking to travel state side) but you wont stay there! The best places I staid were the ones in someones extra bedroom in Bristol with the most friendliest woman who was taking me to the local pubs. It was the birds nest hostel with my best friend where I lost my underwear. It was the airport in Venice even though we hated ever minute of it. Those were the best places to stay because they were an experience, they were real. A story to tell, we learned something from it.

IMG_2959.jpg

Don’t get me wrong I wont stay in the bed in the basement, I want something fun and homy. And to stay in a resort in Florida so fancy they bring you some pink drinks when sitting on a beach chair. It’s relaxing, you feel lucky, but its almost too comfort. Because even in the airports stay or the loud unfriendly hostel in Bristol they were the experience.

Location

A year ago everyone was going to Thailand, it looked cool, but me being me I couldn’t go to Thailand because A. I didn’t know anything about Thailand. B everyone was going to Thailand. It honestly now feels like we choose the places for where everyone else is going.

IMG_0875.JPG
Take the road less travled by

To travel is exciting because its an adventure, you get to go to these places that not a lot of people do go HOWEVER your going to the places people do go to. I see the same pictures of the same thing; or looks the same, taken the same way and its like I’ve seen it; do something different. Go to Thailand go to the moon part, go to the Leo movie spot, but also go do something that you haven’t seen, take the picture no one has. End up in the most random place. Hop on a bus and go somewhere–be smart of course.

Processed with Rookie

Traveling is everywhere its something we share, that’s not new.  But now, its almost too trendy, has to be on your tinder bio, and “how many places have you been”. And despite my tattoo on my arm WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TRAVELING-traveling tattoos. I wrote this post because I do wonder is it something you enjoy or is it a luxury for you (or something you pay to do).  Of course there are traveling holidays were its a relaxing holiday, now thats different. But traveling even for a relaxing holiday should not be trying to get #holidayhoals.

There’s nothing wrong with taking pictures, people always take pictures on holiday. Its not a new thing, but don’t you want those real wrote pictures, the ones were your tumb is in the corner? Remember traveling is doing something to experience outside the bubble of tourism and resorts. It should change who you are and how you see the world. Your experiencing different cultures, you’re seeing what they do and live; embrace that.  At the end of our adventure we should have so many smelling clothes, sand in our shoes, needing a shower, and memories. It should be raw, it should be hard, it should be a lot of waiting around, it should  losing your underwear in a hostel, it should be behind that photograph remembering what isn’t in the picture.

 

 

 

 

Trying to make it in the working world, the truth from a 20 something girl with a masters.

you hear it over and over again, we are snowflakes, lazy generation. And my response is you don’t know my life. So, if you really want to know what it’s like to be a millennium trying to make a life for herself in a society that makes you feel like you need to have that house, job, and so much by now read. 

blogpost.jpg
Holding my completed thesis from University College Cork.

If you’re not following me on instagram, why aren’t you? I posted something middle of July of a long caption basically confessing how I am going through something personal and how I think about if I don’t share it am I even being real. And how sometimes not sharing is just fine. THIS BLOG POST is me telling what’s going on, it wasn’t going to be it was going to be how to get through difficult days, but how many list can you read. I decided that after having the 100th disappointment come my way after 9 months of chugging alone, feeling so discourage, losing my determination;  I should write this what if someone else out there is in the same boat. 

People keep telling me that it’ll work out in the end, something will come soon. And how lucky they have so a positive perspective, I am not an optimistic at all–I’ve been disappointed and crushed by high hopes for so long I will admit I am bitter. What drives me is my determination, my mind set for when I want something there is no stopping me. But after so many ‘strike outs’ I don’t have that determination, I have frustration and tears, and fears that for the rest of my life I’m not going to get pass working retail and will never have that life I left Ireland for. It’s like I’m back in my final year of college trying to pass English Syntax; getting those test back with D’s all over them while the guy next to me got an A, but saw he had something marked off and he’s ready to fight. OH I”M DONE! That is exactly how I feel every time when I don’t get that job.

I began to wonder what can I do. Is it because of my blog? Being so honest and real, people don’t like that, talking about being a women in this world, having a learning disability. I wonder how other ladies do it, how they are so successful, how they make it through so many no’s to their face. I really get discourage when I find out they’re younger then me, and I’m like did I miss my door? Never compare yourself. 

62cf480a7d0cf311219b9c21be540a4b
here’s a puppy to make life a little better

I read so many articles of millennium and the statistics of how we aren’t lazy but how we are a generation with the largest of jobless careers. (when I find that article I read I’ll link it here). What do you expect when they want for experience is 10 years and you’re like at 14, I was babysitting. Or what about how they combine writing with web page design. The pressure of societies expectations, from relatives faces, fact you knew how great your life was and now look at yourself. You can’t help but feel like a total fucking failure.  I’m not saying this cause I want pity I’m saying this to let ladies out there who are feeling like shit, disappointed, and looking them selves in the mirror with disappointment–that you’re not alone on the whole fucking suck scale. And you wish people will stop telling you it’ll work out because all you want is for it to JUST work out!

Because all you want is a life, for that apartment in the city, to afford the apartment in the city, to have benefits–don’t even get me started. To not feel like despite having a masters you’re worth it. To not feel like you wasted 4 years of a degree. They told you to go to college and that’s not even enough. SCREAM!

10 minutes and a work out later. I bounce back, with still struggles, still so many questions what else can I do, feel discourage for you don’t even know. The struggle is there are a lot of people out there-250 people applied for that position, the baby boomers are still working. And you’re kind of what can you bring to the table other than “yourself.” You really got to sell yourself, something I’m really trying to work on. I was asked “why me” the first time I answered:  “oh god what if the other person is nice,” that shows my character but guess you can’t show that your a caring person. Then the struggle in finding that actual job you want.  Honestly feel like this side of the world really does not put a lot of credit to creative jobs or people. For instance, I see other girls making content for a coffee shop or a pub in England. Here there is nothing like that. Trust me I looked, I even try doing freelance positions but again I feel like its the door thing & not much out there. It is worst than Ikea directions! 

quote.jpgThough, I don’t have any suggestions on what more can you do, what can you put on your CV or in cover letters, because I am still trying to figure that out. What I can tell you is so many times in school after failure, failing out of syntax and actually getting into my car ready to drop out of college, the fact I didn’t, those struggles were hard but I got through them. Look at all the stories I’ve said, the moments I shared.  I am not a patient and high hopes person, like I said, but I do know failure always wins. So I say take a break, try to take the pressure off yourself and wait to apply when you’re not feeling so discouraged but feeling confident. So many times when I bounce back still having tears in my eyes, looking at jobs kind of just makes it worst. I get it you want to have that career, you want to get out of this shit whole your feeling, you want to use what you not only went to school for, but love doing. And you just wish it would! My friend told me that there’s an Irish saying “whats for you won’t pass you” & so far a lot of the things/people that have pass me were never for me, it took awhile to realise that, so I believe in that saying.

WOW. that felt good to write. If you too are going through the same struggles and frustration let me know if this helped in anyway, or have any advise. That is why I wrote this not for pity I said it because someone else out there is probably sitting on her bedroom floor screaming into a pillow and wanting to give up just let her life be what it is.

Bad Dates Part 2

I decided to create a blog series on bad dates and everything in between. And I’ve been on dates and began seeing guys who’ve been nice don’t misunderstand me. The focus here is the “bad”. We are talking about dating for 20 something girls, this isn’t some high school dating shit. This is dating where you might want to find the one, might want that guy you can depend on, the guy you can talk to, go on the adventure with, who’s your best friend. This is Part 2 of Bad Date Series. Read part 1: bad dates and self love.

Processed with VSCO with a5 preset

In this second part of bad date series, we are going head first into those frustrating “I’m seeing the guy”, fuck boys, and the guy who isn’t really looking for a relationship. And how they are important to have but soon or later you have to cut them off and wave goodbye.

First, let me tell you I’ve been there. I was seeing a guy where we weren’t seeing each other but I saw him. I saw him on Thursday night for a drive, I saw him on a night out. I was seeing a guy who all we did was talk through the messenger, never wanted to meet up unless it was on a night out. I was seeing a guy but the minute I needed someone to talk to or be there he suddenly wasn’t. Was it too much to ask for, obviously it was? A term I learned is breadcrumbing. I was being breadcrumbed by these guys– I wasn’t some queen; instead, I was a regular girl there for their needs and entertainment. But, hey it got me to the girl I am today and I can share those experiences with you. So let me tell you about these bad dates and hope that when you decide to walk away it’ll be the BEST thing you will EVER do!

 

So what happens when you start seeing the guy and suddenly the conversation has stopped, only sees you on a Thursday night? You are questioning if you can even tell him things, or if he cares. All you’re getting from the guy is a few snaps. There is something wrong here. How do you know when the guy you’re seeing is going to stop playing and start to be “something”. Or how do you stop wasting your time on guys who do things that are just between fuck boy and a guy you saw? I’ve had the 4 am phone calls asking me if I was around, I told them they better be dead if they are waking me up from my beauty sleep. I got those pop-up snaps that I knew what they were. These guys weren’t a waste of time, but they wasted a lot of my time. It took a lot of same old shit to get to the point of goodbye.

IMG_5206

Suddenly, dating is not dating to hang out with the girl, go on adventures; it’s all about ‘getting down with it” a phrase that was said to me. But, hey, at least the guy was nice enough to take you out to dinner first.

Here’s the thing. We’ve all been there. It’s all fun until you began to realize it’s not fun anymore. Whatever the situation was, who it was, one way or another we girls have been there. Hanging out with a guy, talking to a guy; and suddenly you’re only seeing him horizontal on your basement coach as he whispers in your ear something like “it would be the best I would ever have-” it happen! The guy you have a crush on becomes exactly what you didn’t want him to be. A tool. So what do you do?

You may think this is as good as its going to get and you deserve to be treated and keep going with the guy; despite it. NO HELL no! See Part 1. You, girl, are powerful and don’t deserve the guy who’s going to only talk to you when he wants something from you or the guy who after hanging out with him walks out on you like your some one night stand; making you feel so gross. The one thing you have to ask yourself do you want to? As long as you feel confident and will not feel like your self-worth just got flushed down the toilet go for it–wear that crown. Girl power! But if it does not then don’t even bother to because those “hanging out” boys will only see you as that.

It might actually be you.

Sometimes its, not even the guy that breadcrumbing it’s you. You are hanging out, it’s going really well, maybe but nothing is really there. OR have you ever just forced it because A. you feel bad B. your bored C. giving too many chances. I had to convince myself to hang out with guys even though I didn’t like them. Only because he was the little ‘excitement’ (because entertainment sounds bad) through out my day but it wasn’t thrilling–no butterflies were flipping in my stomach.The best advice I got that I’m giving you when it comes to hanging out with guys and you’re forcing it; that no matter how much you may want a boyfriend, someone to hang out with or a guy in your life it’s not worth wasting your time. Because when you know, you know.

We are queens worthy of a king. The game can be fun, the attention can be thrilling, especially when you’re young but those calls at 4 in the morning, popping up because they heard you were in town, sending you a snap chat and you know what it is–is going to get old. Leaving those guys behind may make you feel like your alone but I will say you will feel more powerful than ever because of it. Look at you, you’re killin’ it you don’t need a guy who only wants you for a minute!

Making friends in your 20s

 We are talking about making friends in our 20s. How it’s not easy.

 

16dc1db902c86166887176045f47df91
This image is not mine I found it on pinterest & i love it. If i could put friends in a picture this would be it.

Friendship. Something that seems natural but in reality it something you have to work at, can easily lose; and if you weren’t friends since kindergarten then whats the point.  Having friends is important. Friends are people you can talk to, hang out with, laugh with, knows your secrets, sleep overs, sharing clothes, etc. But, when your in your 20s, out of college, your friends are moving on with their lives and so are you, there is this gap in your life. Suddenly, you find yourself looking for friends. And when your in your 20s its awkward and hard cause you should have friends right?Making friends in your 20s.jpg

If you’re anything like me your friends are scattered around the world. It’s great but it can also get hard sometimes because there not their to share moments and go do things with. I’ve always made friends, even before I moved to Ireland. Meeting people was easy for me. I have always been a small group person, I didn’t want to many people around; and growing up my history with friends wasn’t easy one. But that made the ones who were my friends very special and our bond was strong. When I move to Ireland I was very lucky to have had the  family I worked for aunt around my age and then meeting other Au Pairs in the area who were all came around the same time I came. I got on well with a few of the Au Pairs. But, of course, we broke up (friend break ups are a thing and is a topic I like to touch on in another time).  I became part of the Irish girls group which I loved a lot; they showed me how to put on tan-you can’t go back after that!  When I move to the city it was harder; people in my course where older then me. And it was harder cause I lived there for a year but my american accent was clear. I had my roommates who I met people through. But it wasn’t until my friends birthday that I found my sole sisters; we hit it off right away. Eager to have girlfriends, I message them, chatting with them, asking if they were free and the was squad formed. I also was using social media to connect with girls that went to my school through twitter and instagram. And it worked, not only was I using my blog as a way to put myself out there, network but make friends. Side note: I love the little blogger connections I’ve made, it is really nice feeling and thing to have is friends in blogging world; and it isn’t like some network thing. These bloggers could easily be friends with in real life, going to pubs, shopping, having a laugh with. I love making connections and when they *spark* I am happy!

EMNE8414.jpg

Now, moved again not in college or joining ‘girls who lived abroad’ group, meeting friends is much harder. And it seemed when you did go out no one was willing to go outside there group of friends to talk to you. The whole you have to know people really was true. So how do you make friends in your 20s?

You think you’ll make friends at work but you are working with a variety of different ages and some will talk about there kids-you don’t have a kid. Or you meet someone and they have their own lives and priorities. Or their bio on bumble is “looking for friends when my boyfriend is busy”.  If you don’t like to drink wine or wear pink then you can’t sit with them. Not saying they tell you not to sit with them, but it can feel like that.

I actually don’t have an answer for you; which kind of makes this post pointless. However, after moving back using social media like I did in grad school and going on  bumble (a dating app) BFF mode which was cool, there might be an answer. First, did it work? Kind of, some girls I connected with, but I got myself off bumble. Being a kid born in the 90s not use to this technology it’s awkward and we don’t know what to do with it. It seems unnatural.  For me I found the hard part was finding the people with the same interest, values and mind set, meaning willing to make friends. I didn’t want to watch the Bachelor or drinking wine, going to brunch wasn’t my thing. And it was clear I was definitely in a different place then a lot of people, while they were picking out wedding dresses or baby clothes I wasn’t and I was fine with it. And with instagram, I found, everyone was using it to basically network for there blog like a business and making friends is no business.

When making friends you need to be willing and most importantly being friendly!IKTL5408.jpg

Sure your in your 20s your growing up, you have a life, you have your friends, but there is no problem mingling with others when out and chatting them up you might get on really well.  Honestly one thing I miss and is lacking in making and meeting people is deep meaningful conversation and making real friend connections. If I decided that I had my friends at my friends birthday party, and just talked to the people I new and didn’t talk to anyone else I would haven’t met my squad girls. So if your anything like me and want to put in an Ad in the paper for friends then put yourself out there, use the technology we have, its odd its weird but try it! Be friendly, talk to them like you would talk to them in person. Be willing to talk to people outside your friend group,

Processed with VSCO with a5 preset

ask them if they want to do something, invite yourself, say hi and you never know the person you say hi to might be looking to make friends too. Thus, they will be doing the same things and say hi back. If not, well they aren’t going to be your friend. You want friends who are going to be your friend, not just for a minute or cause their boyfriend is busy, that’s not a friend. I keep the same mindset of how to meet friends with connecting with bloggers–I want to surround myself with different, loving, determine, supportive, people. Making friends is hard in your 20s but maybe go back to your 5 year old days and just ask if they want to be your friend.

You can tell I’m all about those friendships and meaningful connections.

IMG_9445

I like writing stuff like these so if you have any ideas of what other friendship topics I should talk about let me know, really!