They only care when you’re doing something wrong // but she was doing it all right ||  

Try putting everything I’ve seen, I’ve felt myself , what others have told me in this. 

They have something to say about how you dress, the colour of your hair. The tattoo on your body, that nose ring in your nose. Fact you speak up but your only really doing it for the likes. Or they call you a bitch for being honest. They leave you comments saying you’re too thick because you aren’t a size two.  Like what they say about you means something, it defines who you are–but that is bullshit.

Here she is being herself and they think what they have a say. That they can just belittle, bully her down, say mean things for what?! For their own stratification, because they don’t like what they see in the reflection. Because it doesn’t agree with them and their own style. Because all she is doing is being herself, but they don’t like it. They will only care when she is doing something wrong. But here’s the thing, she is doing everything right.

IT would be so easy to be like everyone else, to do what everyone else is doing, to conform, to stay silent, to follow the rules of the road, but that is no fun. And worst of all to fear backlash, comments, dislike, or opinions by strangers or people she knows only hurting herself. To lower herself, to be what they want to be is the worst.

…..

Care  but don’t care about peoples opinions. 

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Also today is #internationalgirlsday the blog post is on FB page. 

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A City Girl: Keep going backwards

I rewrote this a LOT….

Ireland vs. Minnesota and  back after living away for two years.  It’s been a year, so here is a little update (it’s long, I have a lot to say!)

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I’m keeping the title the same from when I first wrote this post, because I don’t know what to call it and even though things have changed I still feel myself “going backwards.” I mean, I find myself back to where I was before I moved away.

Many of the things I will talk about here could be summed up as  #youdon’tlknowmylife. It’ll be hard to grasp because you are not me. I can only explain it the best I can and you can only try and understand. People might think they have the answers but it is one of those times where it’s on me. And all you really ask from people is to listen, be there, and understand. 

What hasn’t changed

After a year of living here I still haven’t found my places, I still haven’t found or formed a group I could meet for drinks (people like to brunch here and IDK I rather just have my pancakes). A lot of time I feel out of place and annoyed of how unfriendly this place really is, and I was born here. Or the opportunities here for creative fields are slim.

I’m still not feeling the best about myself–the waves come not as much as they used to, like every day. And it doesn’t help that I’m still not in that career job (more on that) or living in a place of my own. I am uncomfortable, my anxiety is more frequent, and I think we can all agree we feel more at ease when we are around people we enjoy, and in places we know.

REALITY check it’s hard for us 20 something adults trying to make it in the real world. And there are not a lot of creative jobs out there. and you do want to provide for yourself, have opportunities, see the world and live in the world and do what you love, with out the fear and feeling like shit living in it.

Me and MN just never belonged together I think. However, despite this feeling of disappointment and feeling stuck; maybe just maybe things are finally “happening.”

Things began to move

This is where things did began to move because I got a 2nd job that will give me the “experience” I’ve been missing, I believe. Because really, I’ve been applying to jobs for over a year and nothing has been happening. And not getting these jobs, interviews, or even an answer–I began to question myself.  I felt a lot a time a lone, which I know I’m not because I have the same conversation with girls my age A LOT.

A whole year with a masters degree and not doing what I went to school for, was disappointing. I started to feel like shit. Finally I feel I’m on the track I need to be on. I’m creating a lot of content and writing more to build up my CV. It’s not easy being a writer and getting paid for it.  I wish more people grasped that. Despite finally getting something that has put me onto the path I’ve been wanting to be on, there still that frustration and also tiredness of I have a masters and only getting part time minimal jobs. That BITES! Also running around feeling exhausted has giving me no room for anything else…

Let’s talk Blogging

Blogging has suddenly paused. I’ve fallen out of the loop with blogging and bloggers. There are days where I could be on top of it, but I’m tired, or the 6 hour difference struggle.  I love blogging  and well we all want what we love and enjoy to be our job.  I don’t want blogging to become something it isn’t for me, I don’t want to take on #spon, when it’s not right. And that hasn’t come yet in the swoon of random emails of products, companies asking for more followers (the behind blogging stuff).

I will always be honest with you guys. Blogging has really come to a hault a lot of days but some days it’s going. I’m still working on the balance and planning of two jobs, blogging and a life. 

Where am I now? 

I was told at work that I treat “Ireland like my home but it’s not” and that honestly bothered me, because (A) how many times have I talked about why I left because I was temporary?  I told them”I don’t think I do but you should try lifting up your life.” Because I wasn’t living out of a suit case in Ireland, I was improving my life.  And that’s where I am now, trying to get my life back and myself back.

How I miss the girl I once was and I want her back. Moving to Ireland probably was the best thing for me; I really became someone I never thought I would be and losing that affected my confidence in myself on so many levels. I was back on the couch binge watching Gilmore Girls the whole summer. And this girl I grew out of is some how back?

The truth is when you lose yourself in so many ways it’ll take a while to get to where you once were. I think this is where a lot of people get confused and I get tired of talking about it, because the only way to move on is to keep going forward. But I can’t help feeling I keep going backwards.

What’s next?

 I told myself another year in MN despite us not belonging together. Another year so I can start making BIGGER moves. You hear a lot of stories of a girl who started with a blog and now is a best seller–personally I want to be that girl! That’s my goal, I went to school for writing, I want to write. If it’s through someone else’s voice until my voice gets heard then so be it. I never went for Creative writing to write a novel but after this year the thought did cross my mind: “Maybe it’s time to write a novel”.

There is some sort of ‘plan’ floating around in my head, but half the time I have no time, I get stressed, anxiety and fear about my future hits me, and all I want is to live my life doing what I want to do.  State side is not easy going; I am not relaxed with work. And that’s what I miss a lot, the easy going life with drinks on a Monday night, hanging with friends in the Village on a Tuesday evening, stores closing at 6 pm week days.

So what I would like to happen next is to stop feeling this pressure;  I want to keep blogging; I want to see my writing in others’ hands in some form or another.  I want to keep working to have a career writing but I also want to live my life.  After a year of being back I honestly am ready to move forward and I think I can if I keep pushing myself further and don’t let my anxiety, fears, doubts hold me back. 
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Over all the biggest thing I learned is to put myself first and limit the stress I put onto myself. It is going to take awhile to put myself back together and figure out life; I need to take baby steps and find those happy things in my daily life. Take care of myself.

I do hope writing these updates aren’t like too much like a diary, but like all my other writings I have done on here it will let others know they’re not alone; they may say “that’s exactly it.” (If you’re saying that’s exactly it comment below with that’s exactly it! We girls (or boys) have to stick together.)

 

 

 

 

 

Bad date part 4: what does a girl want

From the perspective of a city girl

Disclaimer these bad dates aren’t suppose to be hating or anything on dating, men or anything. There mostly suppose to be funny and empowering for girls (I’m a girl).  Part 5 is something I’ve been holding off on because its an important topic of dating and/or relationships.  But first light and fluffy.

What does a girl want? A GREAT song and a good question. .I want to start Part 4 of bad dates with a little example…

one time I was on bumble and this guy asked me for drinks straight away, something I get but I really don’t want to do. I want to talk to the guy before I go meet him–complete stranger! But, I was actually honestly busy which I told him. He decided to offer that “we can just hook up if that would be easier”. He even offered to take me to Perkins. I KNOW PANCAKES! (sarcasm) I told him that if he wanted a hook up he could just go out and pick up a girl the usual way” HIS RESPONSE: “you’re just too hard to please, no drinks, no hooking up, I tried everything” MY ANSWER: :I didn’t say no I said my free days aren’t free at the moment. And hooking up is what ever girl loves to hear *insert the eye rolling emoji*” 

He might be joking. And me ‘calling him’ out he actually saw my point (rare thing) and wanted to start over, but I was kind of over bumble so we never talked again.  Despite a “joke” saying “you’re just hard to please” and telling a girl “we could just hook up if that is easier” IS NOT WHAT THEY WANT.

It would be so easy to tell you what a girl doesn’t want. A game, random out of the blue message of “what’s up” to an emoji after months of silence. A girl doesn’t want some guy to be passive or someone who is intimated by her. List goes on, but what does a girl want?

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After a first date with a guy he asked me what I wanted out of this. A question that made no sense to me since this was the first date. And it seemed each time I went on date with a guy or even meeting a guy in the bar it came to this.  What does she want? Because obviously we want to have your babies right there.

What a girl wants with a relationship is more complex every girl wants something different out of a relationship, might be stability, someone to take care of them. Might be a family man someone who is going to take care of the kids. Someone who puts in the work to make things work. A guy who’s going to be there even when its shitty.

Every girl has imagine her dream guy. She has some sort of type; mines between Ryan Gosling and Zac Efron-but British. But girls rarely date there type, I know I haven’t except for hair colour. And I only get series with guys that I feel complete comfortable around-which in all honesty is a rare thing. You know your not going to get into a relationship with a guy who goes agents all your values. That is maybe why when dating I lay it right out there, this is what I value and if they don’t text me back well we didn’t waste our time.

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Found on Pinterest. Can this guy be my next BF?!?! (he probably already has a gf because he’s perfect with that jean jacket, camera and sign) LOLS

Girls are stereotypical put in this complicated box of, she is not telling you want she wants. It’s in every romcom where the main character is a guy trying to understand his now X girl friend. But as simple as He’s Just Not That Into puts it for guys its the same for girls, “if she wants to date you she will date you.” Or your in the friend zone. *insert some football touch down gif*

We all girls want something different. And it seems with dating its getting harder to get what you want . So to answer your question. What girls want isn’t always a ring, a house or 40 years. When you meet a girl don’t expect her to be walking down the ale any time soon. Some girls, maybe even most girls, only want someone to join them on their adventures of life. But all girls want respect, which will bring on part 5 coming soon.

 

OOTD with Reality check.

Reality Check. 

I see a lot of people post there OOTD, which is fine, but if  I shared every outfit I wore it wouldn’t be that “fashionable” or even exciting. When I’m home home and not going anywhere or if I would run to Target, I rather just throw on clothes. And those clothes are on my floor. One day, the day I got this idea for this post was a day were my period was at its

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absolutely worst! Think my body has gotten use to the medication I use to help with my cramps and period, that one full day all I want to be is in a ball. Who wants to wear clothes? And if I went out and took photos or even tried with my outfit you won’t even know, unless I put in the caption and then would you even read it?  Here’s a hint, I do go out and take my photos. Because when I go take photos it isn’t for an OOTD it’s for content–but also for visual story to go along with my blog if thats to post it on instagram or along with a blog.

There are a lot of photos on instagram that are “fashion” and “ootd” related. Nothing wrong with that, I love clothes. But the reality is that there just clothes and instagram, clothes company and those people wearing those clothes hit the marketing mark when it comes to our love for outfits. It started with magazines with articles about clothes, 7 day outfits with 5 items. But with instagram its almost putting this real stamp on it, like these aren’t girls or guys you see in magazines these are every day people. Reality check, they really aren’t, not anymore. And think that just shows how we should assume what we see is what actually is. Like some photos me and my friend had a debate if they actually wear those outfits out. More power to them if they do.

This post is very short to basically remind people that what we see on instagram or on a blog, even in video isn’t the whole story. I am an open book, but I like to remind people that there are secrets between each page. Have you study English you know that is true; a book has a lot more to then the words on the page, the time it was written, what the author was going through, the time the book is place or where its placed. You may think you know but you have no idea. So even though tons of people are shouting and calling BS on themselves, instagram, the truth is the more we scream it the more it’s like calling Wolf. Instead just be, don’t say it, don’t hashtag it, just be it and if someone needs a reminder I’ll take them back to this post that’ll say:

The only thing fake about me is my hair colour, I’m human perfectly imperfect. 

 

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Why Fidget Spinners are not a toy: lets talk about accommodations for kids with learning disabilities.

I am who I am and you are you, we are different and that is okay. 

I have a learning disability and the best way I can explain it to people is that my mind works different than others and sometimes I need things to help me keep up. This post is a talk about all things I’ve used and the frustration that comes along with it. Read to find out more.

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I was in my economics class having to wait for the test to be passed out before I could leave. Usually I would come in and the teacher would hand me the test and I would go down to the room, no hassle. This time I had to awkwardly wait and then get embarrassed when I got up to leave, after the teacher nodded at me. The guy behind me tapped me on the shoulder as I got my bag ready, “why do you get to leave?” I told him “I need a quiet place, I get easily distracted, also I get my test read to me.” His answer was “I get distracted, why can’t I leave?” I was 11th grade, 17 years old, and knew exactly why and how I got those things said, “I have an IEP and I got tested, did you?” and walked right out.

This moment has stayed with me and re-plays in my mind when I come across similar situations. Like, fidget spinners; they are a popular thing that everyone’s selling, marketing, and treating like a toy, when fidget spinners are to help kids, like myself, to focus. It gives kids something to play with. It upsets me; so naturally, I’m going to write about it. And instead of going on a RANT I’m going to inform you about what I used to accommodate myself to succeed in school and in life.

  • Fidget ball: I got a fidget ball to play with in 1st grade. I remember sitting in reading time, legs folded up, ball in the middle. Playing with and being told I wasn’t supposed to show anyone or it would be taken away. I made sure of it. This helped me “fidget” around, get my nervous energy, or my energy somewhere while I could listen to the teacher. Even when I wasn’t looking or doodling in my notebook I still was listening. Being able to have that ball helped me; it wasn’t a toy.
  • Taking tests in a different room: I already mentioned the story about how I was asked by a student why I got to take my test in a different room than him. And I will say I never used it to my advantage, I always played by the rules. And even when taking a test in a different room it didn’t guarantee I passed the exam. I would love to show you my English syntax test. Taking a test in a room by myself helps me focus because there are no distractions I am able to feel a little at ease and read the exam out loud and talk out loud to myself.
  • Books on tape and/or having the test read to me: There were a couple of times in middle school that I would have the test read to me. Plus, I would get books on tape, or I would have my computer talk to me; I still do. Because I can easily misread or write the wrong word. I’m sure you have noticed that I will use the word “there” when I meant to type “their.” I just can’t see it or hear the difference. And sometimes I could read a word but it would be spelled wrong. And I WON”T SEE IT!
  • Notetaker/recorder/copy of notes: In college the one thing that was offered to me was a note taker, someone who would take the notes for me and/or I would get a copy of their notes so I wouldn’t miss anything. In high school, the teacher would give me their PowerPoint before class, or give me their notes, which was really handy. This was more for me to catch if I wrote down the wrong word and also for my comprehension.
  • Extra time on a test: I got either 20-30 minutes extra for tests so I wouldn’t feel rushed and could take my time. I know others can easily get test anxiety so I never took this for granted. Sometimes just having the extra time made me take my time. I did the extra things I needed to do to pass the test, like reading it out loud. I always felt guilt if I ended the exam early because I had the extra time.
  • Spellcheckers: Spelling is not my best, and yes I see the irony. But because I have dealt with this my whole life I work hard on my spelling. Checking it over and over; thank God for spell check. Yet, it isn’t enough. I use programs like Grammery or I have a handheld device where I type a word and it finds similar words I might want to use. And I create a cheat sheet of common words I misspell and how they really are spelled.
  • Smartpen: I had a few smartpens to write my notes and record what the teacher said. It was handy because the words I wrote down in the moment can play what was said at the time so if I missed something it was recorded. Also could put it on my computer.

And a lot more little things as well…

If people, like the kid behind me in my economics class, thinks having these things is a privilege they are 100% wrong. I needed these things, they weren’t something I took for granted, I used them to help me succeed. And even when I got to take my test in a different room I still had to know the stuff. I still failed some tests. The frustration is real, the hurt is real, and the unfairness or backlash I get is so unbelievable.

Having a learning disability means I just work differently than you and while learning I needed a few things to help me in the education system. I’m glad I get to talk about having a learning disability on here, so please let me know if you have any comments.  I was inspired to write this because of the fab with fidget spinners.

How to be a happy blogger

It has been a struggle with blogging especially with instagram, I am not the only blogger who is talking about this. We are all on the same page of how frustrating it is. Social media for blogging has become a place of marketing and expectations.It’s become not genuine. And it really gets frustrating and  you do began to question yourself.

I have felt this.  The content I have been taking this last month I’ve been deleting because I am not happy.  I’m really struggling with content and trying really hard to stay who I am and feel okay with it. Please note I don’t plan to change myself. But there are moments where I am like how can I still be me and still put out good, creative and eye catching content. How can I still be me but drive traffic to a city girl.

So. How do you stay a happy blogger when you are stressing to get the right filter on a photo or even the right photo to share.  There are thoughts that are blocking your creativity (what I do to stimulate my creative is shared at the end).

Getting ride of those negative thoughts! & those ideas! 

Don’t worry about not following the trends: as a blogger who doesn’t define herself as a fashion blogger, for good reason I spend most of my time in clothes from my floor and I don’t have the money to keep up with that.  It seems like you need to be talking, posting, have an opinion, buying what everyone else is. But that’s not true, you don’t have to follow the trends to be a blogger. Because  if you can’t be like them then be different and that will get you notice by the right people.

Definitely don’t worry about how many followers you lose or not getting: for me I look more of a safety reason of who’s following me. It shouldn’t matter how many followers you have, you may think it matters but it doesn’t. And in the world of # tags, and getting traffic to your blog and notice by people, don’t worry. The right #, or the right tag isn’t going to put you anywhere higher. The amount of shitty, un-quality pictures I see when click those # that shit seems to not matter. Use the basic # like #blogger, #fblogger, or your own. I think the best way to get followers is networking, and following other blogs and talking to them.

Who gives a shit about your ecstatic: In my moment of trying to figure out what I can do to bring more attention and traffic to my blog, what content should I use–they all tell about “themes” for post, filters, and not over posting. I’m here to tell you DOES NOT MATTER! I’ve done extent research and it honestly does not matter. Yes, its more appealing especially to marketing but to every day people nope. I agree with the whole don’t over post-& I like one blogger said how she started a blog because she needed a place for photos that didn’t make it on instagram. The stress of getting the right photo, the right filter, sharing at the right time. For me this is my main one I stress over that really has no need. So duck it in the bucket.

Don’t be afraid to put you’re voice out there: Do not be afraid to put your voice out there, “put your stamp on a topic”. I think the one thing you need to do when it comes to blogging is be yourself! if they don’t “like” it –that’s fine each to their own, if they “unfollow” you then you probably didn’t want them to follow you anyways. If they don’t read or click on your blog or read you caption well we have a whole different blog post for that.

Don’t try and play the blogger game: Okay this is going to sound so “high school”. But I’ve have had so many times that theses  “blogger game” happen. The only going to like a bunch of your photos every other week but don’t follow you or the girl who kept unfollowing me over and over again, even comment, but then unfollowed me a few hours later. Sadly blogging is going to have those “mean” people. The key & i did this in high school to: Don’t even bother. Think the best thing we can all do is don’t follow, don’t engage and you know what take the likes they give you but that’s their game they are playing-not yours.

Be yourself:  Your doing blogging for yourself and if you have other ideas of blogging and what blogging should be rather the “norm” or “whats trending” then go for it! Have no fear! 

Five things can do to break the slump!

Everything I look at for inspiration looks the same or what I see I can’t create–limitations of time, location, or not have the right tools (Indesign) or fact I don’t know how–there is no book on this stuff! I sometimes wish I could  clone me or a second friend I could work with so there would be a creative flow, but there’s just me. So here is 5 things I do to get myself creative:

  1. take a walk with your camera
  2. play dress up
  3. buy magazines look through them then make a collage out of them
  4.  scan pinterest. this one has become almost not helpful because everything looks the same. but if you have something in mind and need ideas search it. 
  5. Follow other girls for inspiration and even talk to them, bounce ideas off them

Hope this blog gave you some different mindset to instagram then what you’ve probably been seeing/reading. And that you will find your creative spark and own self again in content. I hope this post gives you inspiration and a different voice to “how to increase traffic on instagram” or  “how to build following on instagram” Because the truth is it’s all BULLSHIT. I say be you and the people who follow/like what you put out are the only people who really matter. And you want to follow you.

 

Here’s some creative thought to go along with this post. 

A list of empowering woman

Late but Saturday was women’s equality day, and this was a blog post to go along with it. 

09ea8fafbae9fa6f24e13f4dacdc43c8.jpgI’ve always loved history I liked learning about it in school, I liked going places and learning about their history and cultures. I thought it was interesting to learn about how things come together, what happens and the impact about it. I think history is important to know because then you can learn from it and understand.  And on August 24th we celebrated the 19th Amendment to the United States’ Constitution; which grants women the right to vote and the movement of women’s suffrage. This was an important landmark in women’s movement and history. The day was created to bringing awareness about the importance of gender equality in society.  Source Click HereHere.  I think it’s important to celebrate this day to remember what was, what could have been and what is now & what more needs and will be done.   I create a list of women of history, writers, fictional, actresses, bloggers, and personal that have empowered me someway or another.

Rosa Parks: the women who refused to move. When learning about history her story always struck a toil with me because she did something so normal to me but was such a big risk for her, at that time and changed history for ever. Her bravery was something I admire.572cb90c90939833a217d58317f0fa3d.jpg

Anne Frank: I am a big Anne Frank fan. I remember reading her diary in 6th grade for my reading class and just moved by it, I was reading such powerful words and story from such at the time I thought was fiction but as we read on and learned more was real. That moment my mind open and my heart broke. She was such a young girl who saw the world from a sky window, she had hope when there seemed to be nothing left.

Marilyn Monroe: A Hollywood icon. Her beauty was eyed by so many people but she wasn’t a size two, she embraced her sexuality and lust with no shame. I have always found myself relating to a lot of her quotes when growing up.314286dcd4e9e98f88d3c7766ab90d7e

Viola Davis: The characters she plays to her speech my whole body just gets chills by this woman. She’s out spoken with no fear. I love the characters she puts on screen for us. I love how she is aware of the world around us. There is something about Viola Davis that when she is on screen or taking the stage I am in ah.

Princess Leia: I remember watching Star Wars when I was younger and loved it, probably not as much as other people. But having Princess Leia on the screen really had to affect on me, that I didn’t realize until later when I got older and started realizing the hardship and degrading stuff women have to go through.  When she blasts the wall to go into the garbage while the men stood behind that was GREAT.

Wonder Women: After seeing the movie she is another character I am glad is on our screen.  Not only her care for others and wellness. But also the fact she is a woman, she’s in a “sexy” outfit but she is kicking ass.

Celia Rae Foote (the help): She is a character in the Help that when I watch this movie she is the one person I just love and adore. She’s an outcast who sure has a pretty face, but it isn’t the pretty face that gets her in trouble its the no fucks and her openness to the world and people around her. And she still strives on!

Mumu: Grandma for Finnish. Growing up and heading to Mumu’s farm I’ve gotten to hear and see what a strong independent woman was. The stories I heard, the stories she told me, the things she did; what she let me do she put sisu in me. Everything about my Mumu I want to keep close but just know she was the start of what feminist and independent looked like for me.

Mom: I never felt growing up I was different or unequal until I left the house until I entered the world. Having my mom around, talking to us, letting us play with Barbie and race cars. Allowing me to get dirty, allowing me to cry. And see herself, beat the norm, beat the ideas; not a stay home mom, she was a working mother and that was normal to me. And it still is. She didn’t put the ideas of society or world around us or on us, she built us up to break them like she does.

30bf73d4d5b6ee54fcf98ca502c0cee1What women has empowered or influenced you? What women do you admire? What women do you look up to? Character or real, let me know 🙂  There are a lot of women out there that I find daily!

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