Part 5: those messages girls get

I’ve held onto this one for awhile, and its a hard one, and I don’t want to get in the wrong either. This Bad Date is not going to be funny, the word dick pic will be used A LOT and that’s my ‘warning’ if you don’t want to read. 

Bad Dates Series A city Girl Story

In the wake of women standing  and speaking up against sexual harassment and sexual assault, what’s happening in Hollywood, everywhere else, in #metoo and recently one of my favourite bloggers Frassy called out the creepy men that message her; and me fearing to share my stuff because I “know” what will happen but all I want to do is be creative. So it’s time to talk about those catcalling, dick pics, and those messages you get from guys.

If a guy says something or does something that is offensive I’m going to call  him out and hope he apologizes- they usually don’t. If a guy is going to grab my butt, I will kick him. And suddenly I’m the bad person?? Once I watch a guy reach, a foot away, with his hand going for a girl under her skirt. I slapped it so fast and screamed NO! For some beeping reason, guys think this is okay to say, touch, do, message girls. I was listening to the podcast called Its Galz (when I got this idea for this post-MONTHS AGO) which talked about those demeaning, sexualised,  messages girls get FROM STRANGERS. They talked about how guys think just because a girl posted a cute, sexy selfie or snap doesn’t mean you can DM her and start sending crude rude messages to her. It happens, and with dating, it happens, way too often. You kind of wonder if there is actually a decent guy out there who isn’t going to send you a picture and you know exactly what it is before you even open it.

Don’t you take it as a compliment? a guy asked me on a date once.

We are taught to take it as a compliment. That when a guy wants to “fuck you on that bed” that this is a good thing. When you are trying to get to know a guy and all he is  wanting is to meet you up for the night, drive around in his car, calls you at 4 am in the morning waking you up from your sleep to “come over.” Sending you dick pics after your having a nice conversation. I once got a dick pic from a guy who took it under the desk while still in the library. I sent a message back saying “did you seriesly just send me that, while you are in the library?” AND HE DID IT AGAIN!!

IS SO MESSED UP! For god sakes, I didn’t ask you to send me a picture of your dick that I thought was your elbow! That random hi you get from a stranger in your DMS turns to him wanting your number. And when you tell him no, your the bad guy? Here’s a tip  for those guys: fuck off, keep your dick in your pants, and stopppp! No girl has asked for anything, no girl or anyone post or is talking to you for you the creepy guy who thinks its okay to be so DISGUSTING. That is sexual harassment, and in 2017 you really should stop.

Girls, its not our fault.

You posted that selfing because you posted it after you felt good about yourself and their comments belittle you down like your nothing. HOW DARE THEY! Pull a 180 after talking about joining you for a walk with their dog sending half-naked pictures of himself in the mirror like damn he had abs but like really we were having a nice conversation then you send me that video? But I saw it, and I couldn’t believe you SENT THE EXACT SAME one like was it saved or something??? There is so much a girl can fake with guys but when it comes to those messages, pictures, words, and actions. You can’t fake or go along with any longer.

A guy sending his dick isn’t flattery it’s degrading. Sending her messages out of the blue, telling her how she looks makes your horny, is horror. It sure isn’t sweet or romantic.  Thinking the way to a girls heart or to her bedroom is to talk down to her, make her feel worthless or feel worth it but then make her feel like scum. That is not okay, and we girls deserve better than this. We are more than a body to fuck and we are more than just something to look at; we are more than those pointless snaps of your dick!

Girls, don’t be afraid to speak your mind, to tell the guy who said you look fuckable to fuck off, don’t take those DMs or those catcalls as a compliment. Because it is harassment. I have this t-shirt that says “not yours”  and I wear it with pride because I’m sure in hell, not yours to honk at.

When you’re dating a guy what do you do when he does become a dick of a creep sending you pictures, and talking “dirty” but it isn’t dirty it’s degrading.

I think with online dating, social media, a guy asking you for your snap, ability to send pictures, DMS– that we don’t have to be smart about it we ALREADY ARE smart about it. That if they’re not going to teach boys we will!! To tell the guy you know what I didn’t ask for that dick pick and I showed all my friends & we had a great laugh. Hit the block button, say goodbye, and know if your dating a guy and all he’s doing is sending you dick picks and changing the subject into something sexual the guy’s a pig.

Not all guys are like this, people have their thoughts on “all” but I know decent guys, I was raised by one, the issue is that this has happened too many times, and it’s a big issue and it HAS BEEN. It just happens #metoo, the stories in the news, and more women calling out guys that FINALLY action might be taken place. Women/girls just want to feel free to be themselves and they really can’t when they share a picture and a guy comments saying “you have really blue eyes *wink(” And all I can say is “thanks I got them from my dad”.

There are so many stories out there, that are bigger than those message girls get, and for any girl (&boy) who has been taking advantage of, sexually harassed, sexually assaulted it is not your fault, it’s not my fault either. For the ones who shared their story, you bring change and voices to so many people. I hope one day we can live without this shame and blame of the victim and stop asking “what she was wearing.”

P.S for the guys (lads) we need you to teach, stand up, and go agents. Ask yourself where are you and where will you be on this issues?

I couldn’t hold onto this post any longer and I really do hope I did this post justice.

 

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What they don’t tell you about living abroad (studying abroad)

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Being able to have the opportunity to live or study abroad is a wonderful that a lot of people should take advantage of but there is a lot that can make living abroad hard and I’m going to tell you. If you are new here, I’ve lived in Ireland for two years on my own working and going to school, I study abroad for a semester and a lot of people ask me question about these things.

They only tell you the good things but the bad is good too. Because like Winnie the Pooh says “how lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”. 

VISA: They didn’t tell you much about a VISA. I knew that I could get a VISA for my year off because I had someone before me do it. Little did I know when looking on au pair world that there were limitations of what country Americans could get working VISA, like UK doesn’t give working VISA for nannies. You need to do your research on VISAs. There are requirements for VISA’s. And this is a whole different topic, but the cost of a VISA. The reality of getting a visa is a lot of unknown questions and calling the local embassy to double check, but once you understand exactly every paper work, its pretty easy. Don’t miss your dates, don’t miss your appointments, make those phone calls. The responsibility of “doing it on your own” comes pretty quick with the visa. ALSO when your finally land and your going through customs HAVE it READY don’t be that person.

Cost: They told you the cost believe me they did, but the truth is that cost really isn’t a something that should “stop” you.  And well living/studying abroad is going to COST you; besides the flights and VISA, what about rent, paying it monthly. When living abroad traveling is so much easier and becomes this option that is right there, but its going to cost you.  But here’s the thing your going to spend money no matter what or where you go, things COST money. So if you are on a budge, budget, you don’t have to spend a lot to get a lot. I still say the best experiences I have are taking the early busses because its cheaper and the birdness living.

Living: They didn’t tell you you get your own bed, and furniture! My first year there I didn’t have to worry. But when moving out and going on my own, I didn’t really know where to start. It all worked out. And it really helped that I was kind of force to do it or I’d be screwed. If you are studying abroad there is no worries you’ll have a place to stay you might of to buy some bedding and a better pillow. Living you want to make it your home for sure, make it your home. You’re living there!

Making Friends: They didn’t tell you about making life long friends. I’m someone who never had a problem meeting people, I’m just really friendly and out going. But think the one thing they don’t tell you about making friends is how hard it is to keep them, here you are a stranger to this place and everyone has there own idea. When I was working I was in a group of friends who went traveling but some odd reason around Thanksgiving they decided to go to a dinner without inviting me and then that was it, no more talking to me. Another hard thing is when you do make friends, they have there own life, they have there group of friends, memories, people they are going to talk about that you never met. The best advice I can give you is invite yourself, and make own memories with them.

Getting a job: They didn’t tell you what’s it like trying to get a job in a foreign country.  It is going to be very different to getting a job in your own country. You will need to make sure you have the right things, your going to be running around to different government buildings trying to figure it out then trying to apply. Best bet is to walk into some place and ask, sell yourself and work your way up.

“Not actually from here” conversations: How many times have I had this conversation? I’ve also had the “you were in Ireland” conversation way to many times too.  I’ve said this that I felt a lot of the time that I couldn’t get something or someone, or be able to do something, take the chance because I wasn’t from here. Like I couldn’t buy those shoes because would they fit in my suitcase in 9 months. IT WAS FRUSTRATING. And the reminder from people wasn’t helping. But what I did was ignored and proved other wise.

Coming back : They didn’t tell you that when you come back how not only do you want to go back but how suddenly it all is different now.  I think coming back is more of a shock then actually going to a new place because if you are open and ready to try new things then it wont be as a shock of how much it rains and that they call cookies biscuits. But coming back, its a place you should be use to but its throwing you off, you feel weird and everyone looks funny. The buildings are higher and you feel even smaller.

When you live abroad know the good and bad will come, you will feel everything but you will feel yourself growing. Don’t be afraid be shit scared with no fear in your eyes! I never will take those two years away, the stories, the people, the moments I have for a life time. And I hope I can pass on my wisdom of living, studying, and traveling abroad. Open your mind to different things and oppunities. Also hope that those stories will be in a book one day.

xo

Kole.

They only care when you’re doing something wrong // but she was doing it all right ||  

Try putting everything I’ve seen, I’ve felt myself , what others have told me in this. 

They have something to say about how you dress, the colour of your hair. The tattoo on your body, that nose ring in your nose. Fact you speak up but your only really doing it for the likes. Or they call you a bitch for being honest. They leave you comments saying you’re too thick because you aren’t a size two.  Like what they say about you means something, it defines who you are–but that is bullshit.

Here she is being herself and they think what they have a say. That they can just belittle, bully her down, say mean things for what?! For their own stratification, because they don’t like what they see in the reflection. Because it doesn’t agree with them and their own style. Because all she is doing is being herself, but they don’t like it. They will only care when she is doing something wrong. But here’s the thing, she is doing everything right.

IT would be so easy to be like everyone else, to do what everyone else is doing, to conform, to stay silent, to follow the rules of the road, but that is no fun. And worst of all to fear backlash, comments, dislike, or opinions by strangers or people she knows only hurting herself. To lower herself, to be what they want to be is the worst.

…..

Care  but don’t care about peoples opinions. 

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Also today is #internationalgirlsday the blog post is on FB page. 

Bad date part 4: what does a girl want

From the perspective of a city girl

Disclaimer these bad dates aren’t suppose to be hating or anything on dating, men or anything. There mostly suppose to be funny and empowering for girls (I’m a girl).  Part 5 is something I’ve been holding off on because its an important topic of dating and/or relationships.  But first light and fluffy.

What does a girl want? A GREAT song and a good question. .I want to start Part 4 of bad dates with a little example…

one time I was on bumble and this guy asked me for drinks straight away, something I get but I really don’t want to do. I want to talk to the guy before I go meet him–complete stranger! But, I was actually honestly busy which I told him. He decided to offer that “we can just hook up if that would be easier”. He even offered to take me to Perkins. I KNOW PANCAKES! (sarcasm) I told him that if he wanted a hook up he could just go out and pick up a girl the usual way” HIS RESPONSE: “you’re just too hard to please, no drinks, no hooking up, I tried everything” MY ANSWER: :I didn’t say no I said my free days aren’t free at the moment. And hooking up is what ever girl loves to hear *insert the eye rolling emoji*” 

He might be joking. And me ‘calling him’ out he actually saw my point (rare thing) and wanted to start over, but I was kind of over bumble so we never talked again.  Despite a “joke” saying “you’re just hard to please” and telling a girl “we could just hook up if that is easier” IS NOT WHAT THEY WANT.

It would be so easy to tell you what a girl doesn’t want. A game, random out of the blue message of “what’s up” to an emoji after months of silence. A girl doesn’t want some guy to be passive or someone who is intimated by her. List goes on, but what does a girl want?

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After a first date with a guy he asked me what I wanted out of this. A question that made no sense to me since this was the first date. And it seemed each time I went on date with a guy or even meeting a guy in the bar it came to this.  What does she want? Because obviously we want to have your babies right there.

What a girl wants with a relationship is more complex every girl wants something different out of a relationship, might be stability, someone to take care of them. Might be a family man someone who is going to take care of the kids. Someone who puts in the work to make things work. A guy who’s going to be there even when its shitty.

Every girl has imagine her dream guy. She has some sort of type; mines between Ryan Gosling and Zac Efron-but British. But girls rarely date there type, I know I haven’t except for hair colour. And I only get series with guys that I feel complete comfortable around-which in all honesty is a rare thing. You know your not going to get into a relationship with a guy who goes agents all your values. That is maybe why when dating I lay it right out there, this is what I value and if they don’t text me back well we didn’t waste our time.

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Found on Pinterest. Can this guy be my next BF?!?! (he probably already has a gf because he’s perfect with that jean jacket, camera and sign) LOLS

Girls are stereotypical put in this complicated box of, she is not telling you want she wants. It’s in every romcom where the main character is a guy trying to understand his now X girl friend. But as simple as He’s Just Not That Into puts it for guys its the same for girls, “if she wants to date you she will date you.” Or your in the friend zone. *insert some football touch down gif*

We all girls want something different. And it seems with dating its getting harder to get what you want . So to answer your question. What girls want isn’t always a ring, a house or 40 years. When you meet a girl don’t expect her to be walking down the ale any time soon. Some girls, maybe even most girls, only want someone to join them on their adventures of life. But all girls want respect, which will bring on part 5 coming soon.

 

OOTD with Reality check.

Reality Check. 

I see a lot of people post there OOTD, which is fine, but if  I shared every outfit I wore it wouldn’t be that “fashionable” or even exciting. When I’m home home and not going anywhere or if I would run to Target, I rather just throw on clothes. And those clothes are on my floor. One day, the day I got this idea for this post was a day were my period was at its

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absolutely worst! Think my body has gotten use to the medication I use to help with my cramps and period, that one full day all I want to be is in a ball. Who wants to wear clothes? And if I went out and took photos or even tried with my outfit you won’t even know, unless I put in the caption and then would you even read it?  Here’s a hint, I do go out and take my photos. Because when I go take photos it isn’t for an OOTD it’s for content–but also for visual story to go along with my blog if thats to post it on instagram or along with a blog.

There are a lot of photos on instagram that are “fashion” and “ootd” related. Nothing wrong with that, I love clothes. But the reality is that there just clothes and instagram, clothes company and those people wearing those clothes hit the marketing mark when it comes to our love for outfits. It started with magazines with articles about clothes, 7 day outfits with 5 items. But with instagram its almost putting this real stamp on it, like these aren’t girls or guys you see in magazines these are every day people. Reality check, they really aren’t, not anymore. And think that just shows how we should assume what we see is what actually is. Like some photos me and my friend had a debate if they actually wear those outfits out. More power to them if they do.

This post is very short to basically remind people that what we see on instagram or on a blog, even in video isn’t the whole story. I am an open book, but I like to remind people that there are secrets between each page. Have you study English you know that is true; a book has a lot more to then the words on the page, the time it was written, what the author was going through, the time the book is place or where its placed. You may think you know but you have no idea. So even though tons of people are shouting and calling BS on themselves, instagram, the truth is the more we scream it the more it’s like calling Wolf. Instead just be, don’t say it, don’t hashtag it, just be it and if someone needs a reminder I’ll take them back to this post that’ll say:

The only thing fake about me is my hair colour, I’m human perfectly imperfect. 

 

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Why Fidget Spinners are not a toy: lets talk about accommodations for kids with learning disabilities.

I am who I am and you are you, we are different and that is okay. 

I have a learning disability and the best way I can explain it to people is that my mind works different than others and sometimes I need things to help me keep up. This post is a talk about all things I’ve used and the frustration that comes along with it. Read to find out more.

fidget spinners how there not a toy blog post

I was in my economics class having to wait for the test to be passed out before I could leave. Usually I would come in and the teacher would hand me the test and I would go down to the room, no hassle. This time I had to awkwardly wait and then get embarrassed when I got up to leave, after the teacher nodded at me. The guy behind me tapped me on the shoulder as I got my bag ready, “why do you get to leave?” I told him “I need a quiet place, I get easily distracted, also I get my test read to me.” His answer was “I get distracted, why can’t I leave?” I was 11th grade, 17 years old, and knew exactly why and how I got those things said, “I have an IEP and I got tested, did you?” and walked right out.

This moment has stayed with me and re-plays in my mind when I come across similar situations. Like, fidget spinners; they are a popular thing that everyone’s selling, marketing, and treating like a toy, when fidget spinners are to help kids, like myself, to focus. It gives kids something to play with. It upsets me; so naturally, I’m going to write about it. And instead of going on a RANT I’m going to inform you about what I used to accommodate myself to succeed in school and in life.

  • Fidget ball: I got a fidget ball to play with in 1st grade. I remember sitting in reading time, legs folded up, ball in the middle. Playing with and being told I wasn’t supposed to show anyone or it would be taken away. I made sure of it. This helped me “fidget” around, get my nervous energy, or my energy somewhere while I could listen to the teacher. Even when I wasn’t looking or doodling in my notebook I still was listening. Being able to have that ball helped me; it wasn’t a toy.
  • Taking tests in a different room: I already mentioned the story about how I was asked by a student why I got to take my test in a different room than him. And I will say I never used it to my advantage, I always played by the rules. And even when taking a test in a different room it didn’t guarantee I passed the exam. I would love to show you my English syntax test. Taking a test in a room by myself helps me focus because there are no distractions I am able to feel a little at ease and read the exam out loud and talk out loud to myself.
  • Books on tape and/or having the test read to me: There were a couple of times in middle school that I would have the test read to me. Plus, I would get books on tape, or I would have my computer talk to me; I still do. Because I can easily misread or write the wrong word. I’m sure you have noticed that I will use the word “there” when I meant to type “their.” I just can’t see it or hear the difference. And sometimes I could read a word but it would be spelled wrong. And I WON”T SEE IT!
  • Notetaker/recorder/copy of notes: In college the one thing that was offered to me was a note taker, someone who would take the notes for me and/or I would get a copy of their notes so I wouldn’t miss anything. In high school, the teacher would give me their PowerPoint before class, or give me their notes, which was really handy. This was more for me to catch if I wrote down the wrong word and also for my comprehension.
  • Extra time on a test: I got either 20-30 minutes extra for tests so I wouldn’t feel rushed and could take my time. I know others can easily get test anxiety so I never took this for granted. Sometimes just having the extra time made me take my time. I did the extra things I needed to do to pass the test, like reading it out loud. I always felt guilt if I ended the exam early because I had the extra time.
  • Spellcheckers: Spelling is not my best, and yes I see the irony. But because I have dealt with this my whole life I work hard on my spelling. Checking it over and over; thank God for spell check. Yet, it isn’t enough. I use programs like Grammery or I have a handheld device where I type a word and it finds similar words I might want to use. And I create a cheat sheet of common words I misspell and how they really are spelled.
  • Smartpen: I had a few smartpens to write my notes and record what the teacher said. It was handy because the words I wrote down in the moment can play what was said at the time so if I missed something it was recorded. Also could put it on my computer.

And a lot more little things as well…

If people, like the kid behind me in my economics class, thinks having these things is a privilege they are 100% wrong. I needed these things, they weren’t something I took for granted, I used them to help me succeed. And even when I got to take my test in a different room I still had to know the stuff. I still failed some tests. The frustration is real, the hurt is real, and the unfairness or backlash I get is so unbelievable.

Having a learning disability means I just work differently than you and while learning I needed a few things to help me in the education system. I’m glad I get to talk about having a learning disability on here, so please let me know if you have any comments.  I was inspired to write this because of the fab with fidget spinners.

How to be a happy blogger

how to be a happy blogger a city girl story postIt has been a struggle with blogging especially with instagram, I am not the only blogger who is talking about this. We are all on the same page of how frustrating it is. Social media for blogging has become a place of marketing and expectations.It’s become not genuine. And it really gets frustrating and  you do began to question yourself.

I have felt this.  The content I have been taking this last month I’ve been deleting because I am not happy.  I’m really struggling with content and trying really hard to stay who I am and feel okay with it. Please note I don’t plan to change myself. But there are moments where I am like how can I still be me and still put out good, creative and eye catching content. How can I still be me but drive traffic to a city girl.

So. How do you stay a happy blogger when you are stressing to get the right filter on a photo or even the right photo to share.  There are thoughts that are blocking your creativity (what I do to stimulate my creative is shared at the end).

Getting ride of those negative thoughts! & those ideas! 

Don’t worry about not following the trends: as a blogger who doesn’t define herself as a fashion blogger, for good reason I spend most of my time in clothes from my floor and I don’t have the money to keep up with that.  It seems like you need to be talking, posting, have an opinion, buying what everyone else is. But that’s not true, you don’t have to follow the trends to be a blogger. Because  if you can’t be like them then be different and that will get you notice by the right people.

Definitely don’t worry about how many followers you lose or not getting: for me I look more of a safety reason of who’s following me. It shouldn’t matter how many followers you have, you may think it matters but it doesn’t. And in the world of # tags, and getting traffic to your blog and notice by people, don’t worry. The right #, or the right tag isn’t going to put you anywhere higher. The amount of shitty, un-quality pictures I see when click those # that shit seems to not matter. Use the basic # like #blogger, #fblogger, or your own. I think the best way to get followers is networking, and following other blogs and talking to them.

Who gives a shit about your ecstatic: In my moment of trying to figure out what I can do to bring more attention and traffic to my blog, what content should I use–they all tell about “themes” for post, filters, and not over posting. I’m here to tell you DOES NOT MATTER! I’ve done extent research and it honestly does not matter. Yes, its more appealing especially to marketing but to every day people nope. I agree with the whole don’t over post-& I like one blogger said how she started a blog because she needed a place for photos that didn’t make it on instagram. The stress of getting the right photo, the right filter, sharing at the right time. For me this is my main one I stress over that really has no need. So duck it in the bucket.

Don’t be afraid to put you’re voice out there: Do not be afraid to put your voice out there, “put your stamp on a topic”. I think the one thing you need to do when it comes to blogging is be yourself! if they don’t “like” it –that’s fine each to their own, if they “unfollow” you then you probably didn’t want them to follow you anyways. If they don’t read or click on your blog or read you caption well we have a whole different blog post for that.

Don’t try and play the blogger game: Okay this is going to sound so “high school”. But I’ve have had so many times that theses  “blogger game” happen. The only going to like a bunch of your photos every other week but don’t follow you or the girl who kept unfollowing me over and over again, even comment, but then unfollowed me a few hours later. Sadly blogging is going to have those “mean” people. The key & i did this in high school to: Don’t even bother. Think the best thing we can all do is don’t follow, don’t engage and you know what take the likes they give you but that’s their game they are playing-not yours.

Be yourself:  Your doing blogging for yourself and if you have other ideas of blogging and what blogging should be rather the “norm” or “whats trending” then go for it! Have no fear!

Five things can do to break the slump!

Everything I look at for inspiration looks the same or what I see I can’t create–limitations of time, location, or not have the right tools (Indesign) or fact I don’t know how–there is no book on this stuff! I sometimes wish I could  clone me or a second friend I could work with so there would be a creative flow, but there’s just me. So here is 5 things I do to get myself creative:

  1. take a walk with your camera
  2. play dress up
  3. buy magazines look through them then make a collage out of them
  4.  scan pinterest. this one has become almost not helpful because everything looks the same. but if you have something in mind and need ideas search it. 
  5. Follow other girls for inspiration and even talk to them, bounce ideas off them

Hope this blog gave you some different mindset to instagram then what you’ve probably been seeing/reading. And that you will find your creative spark and own self again in content. I hope this post gives you inspiration and a different voice to “how to increase traffic on instagram” or  “how to build following on instagram” Because the truth is it’s all BULLSHIT. I say be you and the people who follow/like what you put out are the only people who really matter. And you want to follow you.

 

Here’s some creative thought to go along with this post.