They only care when you’re doing something wrong // but she was doing it all right ||  

Try putting everything I’ve seen, I’ve felt myself , what others have told me in this. 

They have something to say about how you dress, the colour of your hair. The tattoo on your body, that nose ring in your nose. Fact you speak up but your only really doing it for the likes. Or they call you a bitch for being honest. They leave you comments saying you’re too thick because you aren’t a size two.  Like what they say about you means something, it defines who you are–but that is bullshit.

Here she is being herself and they think what they have a say. That they can just belittle, bully her down, say mean things for what?! For their own stratification, because they don’t like what they see in the reflection. Because it doesn’t agree with them and their own style. Because all she is doing is being herself, but they don’t like it. They will only care when she is doing something wrong. But here’s the thing, she is doing everything right.

IT would be so easy to be like everyone else, to do what everyone else is doing, to conform, to stay silent, to follow the rules of the road, but that is no fun. And worst of all to fear backlash, comments, dislike, or opinions by strangers or people she knows only hurting herself. To lower herself, to be what they want to be is the worst.

…..

Care  but don’t care about peoples opinions. 

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Also today is #internationalgirlsday the blog post is on FB page. 

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Bad date part 4: what does a girl want

From the perspective of a city girl

Disclaimer these bad dates aren’t suppose to be hating or anything on dating, men or anything. There mostly suppose to be funny and empowering for girls (I’m a girl).  Part 5 is something I’ve been holding off on because its an important topic of dating and/or relationships.  But first light and fluffy.

What does a girl want? A GREAT song and a good question. .I want to start Part 4 of bad dates with a little example…

one time I was on bumble and this guy asked me for drinks straight away, something I get but I really don’t want to do. I want to talk to the guy before I go meet him–complete stranger! But, I was actually honestly busy which I told him. He decided to offer that “we can just hook up if that would be easier”. He even offered to take me to Perkins. I KNOW PANCAKES! (sarcasm) I told him that if he wanted a hook up he could just go out and pick up a girl the usual way” HIS RESPONSE: “you’re just too hard to please, no drinks, no hooking up, I tried everything” MY ANSWER: :I didn’t say no I said my free days aren’t free at the moment. And hooking up is what ever girl loves to hear *insert the eye rolling emoji*” 

He might be joking. And me ‘calling him’ out he actually saw my point (rare thing) and wanted to start over, but I was kind of over bumble so we never talked again.  Despite a “joke” saying “you’re just hard to please” and telling a girl “we could just hook up if that is easier” IS NOT WHAT THEY WANT.

It would be so easy to tell you what a girl doesn’t want. A game, random out of the blue message of “what’s up” to an emoji after months of silence. A girl doesn’t want some guy to be passive or someone who is intimated by her. List goes on, but what does a girl want?

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After a first date with a guy he asked me what I wanted out of this. A question that made no sense to me since this was the first date. And it seemed each time I went on date with a guy or even meeting a guy in the bar it came to this.  What does she want? Because obviously we want to have your babies right there.

What a girl wants with a relationship is more complex every girl wants something different out of a relationship, might be stability, someone to take care of them. Might be a family man someone who is going to take care of the kids. Someone who puts in the work to make things work. A guy who’s going to be there even when its shitty.

Every girl has imagine her dream guy. She has some sort of type; mines between Ryan Gosling and Zac Efron-but British. But girls rarely date there type, I know I haven’t except for hair colour. And I only get series with guys that I feel complete comfortable around-which in all honesty is a rare thing. You know your not going to get into a relationship with a guy who goes agents all your values. That is maybe why when dating I lay it right out there, this is what I value and if they don’t text me back well we didn’t waste our time.

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Found on Pinterest. Can this guy be my next BF?!?! (he probably already has a gf because he’s perfect with that jean jacket, camera and sign) LOLS

Girls are stereotypical put in this complicated box of, she is not telling you want she wants. It’s in every romcom where the main character is a guy trying to understand his now X girl friend. But as simple as He’s Just Not That Into puts it for guys its the same for girls, “if she wants to date you she will date you.” Or your in the friend zone. *insert some football touch down gif*

We all girls want something different. And it seems with dating its getting harder to get what you want . So to answer your question. What girls want isn’t always a ring, a house or 40 years. When you meet a girl don’t expect her to be walking down the ale any time soon. Some girls, maybe even most girls, only want someone to join them on their adventures of life. But all girls want respect, which will bring on part 5 coming soon.

 

OOTD with Reality check.

Reality Check. 

I see a lot of people post there OOTD, which is fine, but if  I shared every outfit I wore it wouldn’t be that “fashionable” or even exciting. When I’m home home and not going anywhere or if I would run to Target, I rather just throw on clothes. And those clothes are on my floor. One day, the day I got this idea for this post was a day were my period was at its

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absolutely worst! Think my body has gotten use to the medication I use to help with my cramps and period, that one full day all I want to be is in a ball. Who wants to wear clothes? And if I went out and took photos or even tried with my outfit you won’t even know, unless I put in the caption and then would you even read it?  Here’s a hint, I do go out and take my photos. Because when I go take photos it isn’t for an OOTD it’s for content–but also for visual story to go along with my blog if thats to post it on instagram or along with a blog.

There are a lot of photos on instagram that are “fashion” and “ootd” related. Nothing wrong with that, I love clothes. But the reality is that there just clothes and instagram, clothes company and those people wearing those clothes hit the marketing mark when it comes to our love for outfits. It started with magazines with articles about clothes, 7 day outfits with 5 items. But with instagram its almost putting this real stamp on it, like these aren’t girls or guys you see in magazines these are every day people. Reality check, they really aren’t, not anymore. And think that just shows how we should assume what we see is what actually is. Like some photos me and my friend had a debate if they actually wear those outfits out. More power to them if they do.

This post is very short to basically remind people that what we see on instagram or on a blog, even in video isn’t the whole story. I am an open book, but I like to remind people that there are secrets between each page. Have you study English you know that is true; a book has a lot more to then the words on the page, the time it was written, what the author was going through, the time the book is place or where its placed. You may think you know but you have no idea. So even though tons of people are shouting and calling BS on themselves, instagram, the truth is the more we scream it the more it’s like calling Wolf. Instead just be, don’t say it, don’t hashtag it, just be it and if someone needs a reminder I’ll take them back to this post that’ll say:

The only thing fake about me is my hair colour, I’m human perfectly imperfect. 

 

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Why Fidget Spinners are not a toy: lets talk about accommodations for kids with learning disabilities.

I am who I am and you are you, we are different and that is okay. 

I have a learning disability and the best way I can explain it to people is that my mind works different than others and sometimes I need things to help me keep up. This post is a talk about all things I’ve used and the frustration that comes along with it. Read to find out more.

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I was in my economics class having to wait for the test to be passed out before I could leave. Usually I would come in and the teacher would hand me the test and I would go down to the room, no hassle. This time I had to awkwardly wait and then get embarrassed when I got up to leave, after the teacher nodded at me. The guy behind me tapped me on the shoulder as I got my bag ready, “why do you get to leave?” I told him “I need a quiet place, I get easily distracted, also I get my test read to me.” His answer was “I get distracted, why can’t I leave?” I was 11th grade, 17 years old, and knew exactly why and how I got those things said, “I have an IEP and I got tested, did you?” and walked right out.

This moment has stayed with me and re-plays in my mind when I come across similar situations. Like, fidget spinners; they are a popular thing that everyone’s selling, marketing, and treating like a toy, when fidget spinners are to help kids, like myself, to focus. It gives kids something to play with. It upsets me; so naturally, I’m going to write about it. And instead of going on a RANT I’m going to inform you about what I used to accommodate myself to succeed in school and in life.

  • Fidget ball: I got a fidget ball to play with in 1st grade. I remember sitting in reading time, legs folded up, ball in the middle. Playing with and being told I wasn’t supposed to show anyone or it would be taken away. I made sure of it. This helped me “fidget” around, get my nervous energy, or my energy somewhere while I could listen to the teacher. Even when I wasn’t looking or doodling in my notebook I still was listening. Being able to have that ball helped me; it wasn’t a toy.
  • Taking tests in a different room: I already mentioned the story about how I was asked by a student why I got to take my test in a different room than him. And I will say I never used it to my advantage, I always played by the rules. And even when taking a test in a different room it didn’t guarantee I passed the exam. I would love to show you my English syntax test. Taking a test in a room by myself helps me focus because there are no distractions I am able to feel a little at ease and read the exam out loud and talk out loud to myself.
  • Books on tape and/or having the test read to me: There were a couple of times in middle school that I would have the test read to me. Plus, I would get books on tape, or I would have my computer talk to me; I still do. Because I can easily misread or write the wrong word. I’m sure you have noticed that I will use the word “there” when I meant to type “their.” I just can’t see it or hear the difference. And sometimes I could read a word but it would be spelled wrong. And I WON”T SEE IT!
  • Notetaker/recorder/copy of notes: In college the one thing that was offered to me was a note taker, someone who would take the notes for me and/or I would get a copy of their notes so I wouldn’t miss anything. In high school, the teacher would give me their PowerPoint before class, or give me their notes, which was really handy. This was more for me to catch if I wrote down the wrong word and also for my comprehension.
  • Extra time on a test: I got either 20-30 minutes extra for tests so I wouldn’t feel rushed and could take my time. I know others can easily get test anxiety so I never took this for granted. Sometimes just having the extra time made me take my time. I did the extra things I needed to do to pass the test, like reading it out loud. I always felt guilt if I ended the exam early because I had the extra time.
  • Spellcheckers: Spelling is not my best, and yes I see the irony. But because I have dealt with this my whole life I work hard on my spelling. Checking it over and over; thank God for spell check. Yet, it isn’t enough. I use programs like Grammery or I have a handheld device where I type a word and it finds similar words I might want to use. And I create a cheat sheet of common words I misspell and how they really are spelled.
  • Smartpen: I had a few smartpens to write my notes and record what the teacher said. It was handy because the words I wrote down in the moment can play what was said at the time so if I missed something it was recorded. Also could put it on my computer.

And a lot more little things as well…

If people, like the kid behind me in my economics class, thinks having these things is a privilege they are 100% wrong. I needed these things, they weren’t something I took for granted, I used them to help me succeed. And even when I got to take my test in a different room I still had to know the stuff. I still failed some tests. The frustration is real, the hurt is real, and the unfairness or backlash I get is so unbelievable.

Having a learning disability means I just work differently than you and while learning I needed a few things to help me in the education system. I’m glad I get to talk about having a learning disability on here, so please let me know if you have any comments.  I was inspired to write this because of the fab with fidget spinners.

How to be a happy blogger

It has been a struggle with blogging especially with instagram, I am not the only blogger who is talking about this. We are all on the same page of how frustrating it is. Social media for blogging has become a place of marketing and expectations.It’s become not genuine. And it really gets frustrating and  you do began to question yourself.

I have felt this.  The content I have been taking this last month I’ve been deleting because I am not happy.  I’m really struggling with content and trying really hard to stay who I am and feel okay with it. Please note I don’t plan to change myself. But there are moments where I am like how can I still be me and still put out good, creative and eye catching content. How can I still be me but drive traffic to a city girl.

So. How do you stay a happy blogger when you are stressing to get the right filter on a photo or even the right photo to share.  There are thoughts that are blocking your creativity (what I do to stimulate my creative is shared at the end).

Getting ride of those negative thoughts! & those ideas! 

Don’t worry about not following the trends: as a blogger who doesn’t define herself as a fashion blogger, for good reason I spend most of my time in clothes from my floor and I don’t have the money to keep up with that.  It seems like you need to be talking, posting, have an opinion, buying what everyone else is. But that’s not true, you don’t have to follow the trends to be a blogger. Because  if you can’t be like them then be different and that will get you notice by the right people.

Definitely don’t worry about how many followers you lose or not getting: for me I look more of a safety reason of who’s following me. It shouldn’t matter how many followers you have, you may think it matters but it doesn’t. And in the world of # tags, and getting traffic to your blog and notice by people, don’t worry. The right #, or the right tag isn’t going to put you anywhere higher. The amount of shitty, un-quality pictures I see when click those # that shit seems to not matter. Use the basic # like #blogger, #fblogger, or your own. I think the best way to get followers is networking, and following other blogs and talking to them.

Who gives a shit about your ecstatic: In my moment of trying to figure out what I can do to bring more attention and traffic to my blog, what content should I use–they all tell about “themes” for post, filters, and not over posting. I’m here to tell you DOES NOT MATTER! I’ve done extent research and it honestly does not matter. Yes, its more appealing especially to marketing but to every day people nope. I agree with the whole don’t over post-& I like one blogger said how she started a blog because she needed a place for photos that didn’t make it on instagram. The stress of getting the right photo, the right filter, sharing at the right time. For me this is my main one I stress over that really has no need. So duck it in the bucket.

Don’t be afraid to put you’re voice out there: Do not be afraid to put your voice out there, “put your stamp on a topic”. I think the one thing you need to do when it comes to blogging is be yourself! if they don’t “like” it –that’s fine each to their own, if they “unfollow” you then you probably didn’t want them to follow you anyways. If they don’t read or click on your blog or read you caption well we have a whole different blog post for that.

Don’t try and play the blogger game: Okay this is going to sound so “high school”. But I’ve have had so many times that theses  “blogger game” happen. The only going to like a bunch of your photos every other week but don’t follow you or the girl who kept unfollowing me over and over again, even comment, but then unfollowed me a few hours later. Sadly blogging is going to have those “mean” people. The key & i did this in high school to: Don’t even bother. Think the best thing we can all do is don’t follow, don’t engage and you know what take the likes they give you but that’s their game they are playing-not yours.

Be yourself:  Your doing blogging for yourself and if you have other ideas of blogging and what blogging should be rather the “norm” or “whats trending” then go for it! Have no fear! 

Five things can do to break the slump!

Everything I look at for inspiration looks the same or what I see I can’t create–limitations of time, location, or not have the right tools (Indesign) or fact I don’t know how–there is no book on this stuff! I sometimes wish I could  clone me or a second friend I could work with so there would be a creative flow, but there’s just me. So here is 5 things I do to get myself creative:

  1. take a walk with your camera
  2. play dress up
  3. buy magazines look through them then make a collage out of them
  4.  scan pinterest. this one has become almost not helpful because everything looks the same. but if you have something in mind and need ideas search it. 
  5. Follow other girls for inspiration and even talk to them, bounce ideas off them

Hope this blog gave you some different mindset to instagram then what you’ve probably been seeing/reading. And that you will find your creative spark and own self again in content. I hope this post gives you inspiration and a different voice to “how to increase traffic on instagram” or  “how to build following on instagram” Because the truth is it’s all BULLSHIT. I say be you and the people who follow/like what you put out are the only people who really matter. And you want to follow you.

 

Here’s some creative thought to go along with this post. 

College Check List: things and advise for College

If you want to know more things about school, my school stories; click here.

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I went back to my undergrad college campus (Winona State) after three years and it was super weird. We passed the beach volleyball section and I told my friend I remember being a freshman and feeling so not “in college” and not “college like;” I felt weird, young, and small. But then I remember all the things I did, wish I did and didn’t do–the didn’t are never regrets they were lessons. And if you are going to college for the first time, or in your third year here’s a check list of things and reminders of what to do in college.

CHECK LIST FOR COLLEGE

  • Get out of your bubble: expand yourself, this is the very first time where you don’t know anyone and you are living on your own-it’s exciting and scary. Just be willing to try and meet people, don’t be afraid. I think when I look back I was so stuck in my own worries and being “too hyper” and not wanting to be something that I wasn’t willing to just do things. It wasn’t until my 2nd year that I broke out of that.
  • Do things with your floor mates:  Definitely live on campus your first year, don’t think about moving out even if you can. I think the best thing about my first year was my floor. We would go to dinner together, we would sit in the hallway together, I would watch TV shows in my neighbours’ rooms. Sleep in the common room together one night. We would study together, we would go to class together or walk in the same direction especially if we saw each other waiting for the bus. Take advantage of living in a dorm!
  • Roommate:  This is my “advice”. I had two freshman roommates; the first one wanted me to change in her closet and the 2nd one stole my clothes. The check list is to really just get along with your roommate. You are put into a room with a total stranger and maybe for the first time in your life you may have to just be able to live with each other. If you can not get along, go to your RA; it’s what they’re there for.  Having a roommate will make you learn the importance of communication instead of being passive aggressive about issues.
  • Take notes, study, and find those reliable sources: I think the biggest thing about college is that you are coming out of a world you know, having parents telling you what to do and a familiar high school, to a ‘whole new world’ and part of that is  learning to be a college student. This might sound a bit weird but really spend time on your note taking, studying. My friend said she really grew and became more open from college, and that not only had to do with the experience of being around so many different things but also the education part. I learned so much in my classes. I never thought I’d learn about the relationship of “Spiderman, God, and Moby Dick.”IMG_6920
  • Go to a house party: I am not telling you to drink! I’m saying go to a crappy house, meet people, go into the party basement have the plumbing burst and be smart–Don’t be stupid! You really have to see things first hand to know, experience and learn that house parties aren’t glamorous at all.
  • Go to class: College isn’t only about the game and fun things you are also there to get an education. Skipping class, not doing the assignment is on you. The quote that stuck with me is “you’re paying for it not me”.  The best example I can give to you for not skipping class is my Energy class, he gave you the whole problem and how to answer them right there, leaving blanks and where to go and get that number to put there, and telling you what answer he wanted to have for an answer. . And there was a kid I met that never went to class, so he missed the homework. The professor said if you miss class you better come with a good excuse or have a good friend. That part I hated, but still how easy is that, go to class, you get the answers! Who would have thunk it!
  • Make friends with the “lunch lady”: I lived on west campus during my 1st and 2nd year and I knew all the staff people that worked in the cafeteria and I loved it! The lady who swiped the cards became my friend during our hour-long talks during breakfast. I went to her with tons of problems and stories; she pointed me in the right direction; she even got me a guys number. I got the best pancakes from the cook, and when the night cafe was open I got to sit with the guys and swipe cards. I even got free chicken tenders.
  • Join clubs: The one thing I wish I did more of was join more clubs or in Ireland they are called societies. I do think there wasn’t really much to pick from though. There were a lot of related to majors, and they felt clicky sometimes. I wish that the UCC societies had been at WSU; something like the Moltey  Magazine would have been SO COOL and a GREAT opportunity. There was a literary journal at WSU but it was a course and it wasn’t going to fit in my schedule.
  • Study abroad: Make time to study abroad. I think the best time I had in my four years was at UL (well top 5 & it is number 1). It is an opportunity to meet new people who will become lifelong friends.
  • Date: Definitely date in college. When I was in college Tinder and Snap Chat were popular and as a result dating was not the thing to do. People would just meet up and suddenly they were in a relationship. College might not be the place where you meet the “one”, but it might be. To find out, date!
  • Definitely do weird things in the library: I’m not talking about the Prince and Me moment, I’m talking about wearing a onesie into the library or maybe lay under the table. And it doesn’t have to be the library. One night my friend and I danced to a One Direction song all the way to the cafeteria. We had a night of “what Kole can fit in.”
  • Go to the games at least once: I am not a homecoming football fan, but I went once and I saw. I went to a lot of basketball games with friends that was fun!
  • Make connection with your professors: They are there to help you and near the end they can be a great resource to really help you even when you are out of college. Go to their office hours; they will tell you when they are on the syllabus, it’;-there is no excuse. Get to know your professors; like find out if they have a cat or a kid. I mean by the time you’re in your last year you might be drinking with them in a bar. WEIRD!
  • Don’t declare your major right away: After learning about how Ireland guides you into what major you should be doing I think we are really lucky that we are able to switch into a new major. I mean you may go to college thinking math but then you really like art. I didn’t declare my major until my 2nd year, I knew I wanted to do English but I wanted to figure it out. I do wish I took more graphic design classes or did more mass communication classes; but my school wasn’t a liberal arts college so the focus was a bit different.

College is the first real chapter when you are figuring yourself out so allow yourself to do it. Make friends, get out of your comfort zone, really get yourself involved, don’t be afraid, and definitely keep at your studies! I am not your mother but realize that college is the balance between having fun and getting an education, so do it!  This wasn’t supposed to be “tips” for college, but advice for things to do while in college and consider things that you may not have thought of doing. Like I didn’t join a club until my 2nd year of college, I mean I put my name down but it took a year to go.

 

I’m definitely going to a style school post closer to September, but I did share some Outfit ideas without going school shopping on FB page. If you want tips about college like studying, buying books, dealing with roommates, or making friends in your courses, like this post & if I get 6 likes I will know I should do it!

 

Bad Dates Part 3: what not to say to guys.

A List of things you should not say or do when dating a guy:

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  1. Don’t tell him you punch a boy in the balls in third grade
  2. Don’t show him the crazy side of you
  3. Don’t talk about what you’ve done, where you’ve done it and how many times you’ve done it (referring to anything really)
  4. Don’t tell him you believe in Women’s Rights
  5. Or that you’re a feminist
  6. Don’t tell him anything about you.
  7. Don’t tell him that the most controversial thing you ever wrote about was on your period.
    • “Hey…what is the most controversial thing you’ve ever blogged about?”“Probably about when I talk about my price of female products and my period”No answer
  8. Don’t show or let it show that you’re actually having a panic attack, just politely say you have to go
  9. Don’t give him your snapchat (this is more for you not for him)
  10. Don’t tell him you hate American Football
  11. Don’t go on a road trip, or out to dinner, don’t spend every Saturday or Friday because they may think you’re heading for marriage.
  12. Don’t tell or go on a rant about your worries in life
  13. Don’t tell him about your struggles
  14. Don’t get mad at him or punch him in the arm he doesn’t want to know how strong you really are.
  15. Don’t tell him about the things that irritate you like plaid shirts, large trucks and hat wearing out because he probably has all three
  16. Don’t ruin his jokes or pick up lines. Don’t even try to be sarcastic back to him- he either won’t get it or take your series or worst offensive. Cause for god sake you can’t joke!
  17. Don’s say whatever is in your mind, keep it in your mind, because once you say it he’ll realize your mind is insane!
  18. Don’t tell him not every girl wants a relationship
  19. Don’t question him.
  20. And don’t get to know each other-what are you thinking?

Obviously you should be doing what ever the hell you want, this was a joke list. When you’re going on a date, dating a guy; be yourself, if he doesn’t like it, can’t handle it, or gets mad at you for your honesty then that is not your issue.