How to handle sexism like a boss

Today we are talking about what young girls face every day and how we need to fight through it and empower.

Processed with VSCO with a5 presetThere has been a lot of sexism happening in the news, in media, in politics and in my own life.  And as a blogger, I’m not supposed to talk about it. But I’m a blogger who is passionate about women’s rights overall and I’m writing to give inspiration and motivation for young girls and 20 something ladies. So, I am going to talk about sexism. And this post isn’t only about how to overcome sexism, but for those young girls out there to know it’s okay to be a strong independent woman!

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Found on Pinterest. Of Rora Blue’s series Handle With Care

The idea of sexism has become blurry—people don’t understand what it is. A word you say but being treated like you’re calling out ‘Wolf’. Like when you say someone is being sexist it taken with excuses, defensiveness, and/or blame on you. A book to read is Feminist Fight Club by Jessica Bennett. 254 + references about female empowerment of surviving sexism especially in the workplace; with a lot of examples because “recognizing sexism is harder than it once was.” I could go on about the book, but my consent to tell you to read the book is when you go out and read the book!  It’s empowering and insightful, giving you straight up this is how it is and why it needs to change.  

I think we honestly have a problem, after I was told I was ‘insufferable’ when I was trying to have a fun conversation and I corrected him on his wrong. After I was said to have a problem with ‘everything’ cause I was trying to joke around with him, and those are just recent examples.  I’m 100% human I’m not perfect and I don’t expect anyone to be, but we can try. We can try to move away from sexist comments and ideas because it is 2017.After reading Feminist Fight Club (which is in my Favourites post for May) I have learned where sexism is and how we should fight. And I came up with how we can try to overcome sexism like the boss women we are:

Step 1: Admitting it exists. The more we deny it and the more we give excuses or not call what it is nothing will be done.  Because she is a woman, shouldn’t even come into your thought. And saying ‘you throw like a girl’ like it’s an insult or something? isn’t an insult its old school sexist. Woman and girls are more afraid to admit the sexist comments/action because of fear of feeling like you’re going to get in trouble. That fear is irrelevant now. We need to call out the sexism and if they try to give excuses don’t take the excuse.

Step 2: Facing the truth. A lot of times people don’t want to hear that they are the bad guy/girl, so they make you out to be one. I am 100% tired of this and I don’t stand for this. Having guys call me a bitch, or say I’m being insufferable because I am calling them out or joking back at them just like they are doing it to me, is 100 emoji eye rolls. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

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Found on Pinterest.

Step 3: Don’t Apologize. A lot of sexism happens because women are so willing to give in, we apologize more and we don’t take credit for what we’ve done in the workplace, we say “couldn’t have done without…”.  This has been going on for centuries and that’s why we are fighting to change. Change our ways of feeling the need to apologize, to give excuses and not give yourself credit. Don’t feel sorry for when you do anything or when you are standing up for yourself and against sexism.

Step 4: Handling it like a boss. Since it seems no matter when we stand up for it, we are in the wrong. Society has taught us to just say okay, be quiet, and let it go; and then when we do stand up we are called a bitch–well put a smile on your face and say it in a friendly way, because their sexism is more wrong than you being a “bitch”.

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Found on Pinterest. Rora Blue’s  series Handle With Care

Step 5: Be respectful and equal. In fights we say things we wish we never said. And in this fight we aren’t here to disrespect anyone. We are hear to call out on sexism. Perfect example is MN representative for calling out a “men” for not doing the job.  Those rep. men calling for the female MN representative to apologize for her honesty and calling out the problem is “bitch for being honest” sexism. Men, this is an important step for you.  If you are a man you can join the fight against sexism like the boss man we love and know you are. I’ve had some respectful men and guys in my life, so I know it’s not just a myth. Sexism isn’t only men vs women, women do it too (step 7) but it does come from men a lot of the time. It’s not your fault, sexism has been considered “okay” for centuries. But that’s why we are fighting to change.  Change how “because she’s a woman” is used.   This is the most important step of all the fight. And girls remember, we want to be treated and respected for the girls, the ladies and the women we are and we won’t take anything less.

Step 6: “I’m not bossy I am the boss”. The quote is from Beyonce and it’s everything. It’s stating that sexism exist, how women are fighting the sexism until it’s gone. And putting the comment of saying when a woman takes charge she is being bossy because she’s a woman when in fact she not, she’s being the boss.

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Found on Pinterest.

Step 7: Girls be for Girls! Sexism is seen between girls.  This is something that I am very tired of and needs to stop. We grow up hating and fighting each other, it started when she took my toy to she took my boyfriend to jealousy of success. But that’s why we are fighting to change. The more successful woman there are the more there will be! We need to stick together on this, girls, ladies. We need to link our arms and show that we are united. We might not agree on a lot of things but we can agree that we, woman, can do anything even in heels!

Step 8: Embrace Girls, Ladies and Woman. We are just trying to create a better place that allows girls to know they do throw just as good as boys, or better. To not live in a place where it’s such a shocker that women are strong and independent and know what they are talking about, to take what they say and listen. So girls, ladies, women, be a strong willed, independent women. World get ready because if you can’t handle it well there is going to be a problem because we are here to stay!

One way or another we have experienced sexism. And it really is time we live in a world where girls are just as equal as boys, are not consider a bitch for being honest and throwing like a girl isn’t an insult. Because really girls, to be a strong independent willing woman/girl is sometimes hard to be but we will be her anyways.

 

Let’s talk about A Day without women

 

The purpose of A Day Without Women wasn’t to cause chaos, but to show awareness of the importance of women in society in the work force and in the economy. It was a movement for women to be treated with respect and equality. AND men were NOT forgotten in this.strong-women-featured

So let’s get into why someone may “hate” on A Day Without Women. Maybe they saw that there was no point. Maybe for them, they were perfectly fine, but that’s them–there are more people in this world than just “you” who are not getting the same amount of respect, and benefits as you.  Some may even feel threatened. My favorite quote of all is “strong women scare weak men” BECAUSE its 100% true. We see it all the time, not only with men but with other women. They can’t handle a strong-willed person and get defensive for no reason. I will never understand these people. Then there are people who are just immature, some of which I had to deal with when I posted on my Instagram post to show support for women. I won’t call them out or say what was said but I’ve seen it too many times before and it needs to stop. These actions are what I expected would happen on March 8th. And it’s something I am tired of. BUT the negativity wasn’t loud enough to take away the importance of the movement.

Social media blew up, people, both men and women, showed their support. I loved seeing all the posts about women: the quotes, the words, the pictures, the little girls with their signs. I’d say we blew up everyone’s news feed, letting them know we are here! And it was not just a state-wide movement; it was world-wide. Ireland was striking to repeal the 8th.  It was a day to show awareness, to speak up, and to let society and governments know WOMEN are needed and deserve to not only be heard but to be treated with respect and equality.

I would have LOVED to have been at one of the events, but instead I wore red to show my solidarity.

img_4257The reason I am so passionate about women’s issues is not only because I am a woman, but also because over the years, I have felt both the struggles and the shames of being a women. Don’t get me wrong, I grew up in a house were my dad who never taught me and my sister that we couldn’t do anything case we were girls. He wanted us to do anything we wanted, but better. It wasn’t until I entered the world that I began apologizing for everything, feeling this shame, and struggling with myself and society. I was losing confidence. I found that I lost more and more of as I further entered the world, but why? Perhaps it is because I am a women. And that shouldn’t be the case.

I was silent for a really long time, but not anymore.

I began to find the voice and confidence in myself and understand the importance to not simply sit still and look pretty or just smile and say yes. Rather, I learned to speak up and to point out the wrongs when I saw them, all while maintaining a very Chrissy T mentality. I know the best way to respond to negativity or hate is silence but we’ve been silent for too long.We tried to get by, pushing our way to the top, saying no, wearing what we want to wear with no fear but it still wasn’t enough. Our silence wasn’t enough; we were still not getting equality, still seen with a “well, you’re a girl” mentality, called a bitch for speaking up, and having our rights to our bodies questioned. And that was what March 8th was all about: to break our silence so they would finally hear us!

I thrived off of this empowerment, wanting to take on the world with no fear or apologies. And really, I mention this in my women’s march post. We need this especially now, this sisterhood and love for each other is more important than ever, in this time where hate seems to be louder. The future is female!

And for the haters or people being negative on the day or towards any women or girl–you are sadly part of the problem.We fight for ourselves because of you.

 

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What being 25 really means.

I am writing this after a long traveling adventure, I am jet legged, and all I really want to do is close my eyes and do nothing. Which I could do but after being gone for two weeks there is a dirty filled suit case to unpack, there’s mail to be open, and things to do– welcome back to reality! But that can hold off one more day because today’s my birthday! I had a party last Friday which WAS super DUPER fun in Reardens, of course, with all my friends which I loved. And tonight we are going out to eat. I’m turning 25, which can be daunting.unnamed-3

This year for a”birthday” post it’s all about what it really means to be 25, because we have this idea that we are 25! and we really should be at this point of our lives of success and a new chapter–maybe even the white picket fence house. That is not necessarily true. Here’s a list of what I realised what being 25 really means.

  1. It doesn’t mean you’ll have it figured out
  2. It means you’re not 21 anymore so don’t act or dress like it
  3. you’ll change your path a few times
  4. you will know exactly what you DON’T want and couldn’t be bothered with any of it
  5. It doesn’t mean you have to be married by now
  6. You don’t have to be like your parents
  7. It means you have to really start washing that make up off your face before bed
  8. Means your still closer to 0 then 100
  9. You’ll have smaller groups of people in your life and that is more important then large groups
  10. You don’t have to have that career job, your still searching for itunnamed-2
  11. Time to invest in good face products
  12. It does meany you need to start brushing your hair
  13. It doesn’t mean you have to CUT it OR stop dying it purple
  14. You are definitely not in high school anymore
  15. You are definitely not in college anymore
  16. You feel more confident but you do feel a little unease cause you are 25 and should know shit–BUT you don’t and that is okay!
  17. You really need to learn how to cook
  18. It’s time you  get a dog
  19. You don’t have to buy a house
  20. You really should know what benefits meanunnamed
  21. You are a women here yourself RAWR
  22. Buy yourself more sophisticated clothes (goes along with how your not 21 anymore) WHICH doesn’t mean designer
  23. It means you have to take care of yourself a little differently now
  24. Wear less sneakers and more boots
  25. It does mean you invest more
  26. Being 25 isn’t scary it’s actually quite exciting

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25 isn’t as scary as one may think, it 100% doesn’t mean you have to have this life of the dream and have it all by now cause you are only 25. It just means you are at a different point in your life, things look different, you have to do things a little differently that is all. For me 25 is the year of this new goal, I just finished my biggest goal of all (I’ll talk about soon unless you follow me on instagram you’d probably know). 25 is my year of really going for it and not giving a–.

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Feeling lost is OKAY!

This is my story. My goal in writing pieces like these will not only shed light on who I am but have others see themselves and relate to parts of it with me.

When Rory Gilmore came back onto my television screen she said the one thing that I was so thrilled to hear: “I’m feeling very lost right now.” Anyone else just go ‘yes’? And said ‘hell yes’ when she said “I have no job, I have no credit, I have no underwear.”

5 months ago I came back from Ireland and it is not easy to let go or move on. I feel lost like Rory says, if you follow on twitter you’ll know. But here, we are 20 something girls who are now in their mid-twenties educated, skilled with experience but it’s not good enough. It’s not only frustrating but confusing because it wasn’t suppose to be like this. And I  am sitting here thinking I gave up everything  for this?

I always had this point to drive me. For example, I wanted to go back to Ireland I found a job, wanted to go to graduate school in Ireland I did, and now I don’t know because the point is so much bigger it’s a life. How do I get there, is it through blogging, is it through writing on the side, like what do I have to do? The other day I was convince on moving back to Ireland. I feel this sickness and fear build inside of me that’s personal–and really couldn’t even tell you why. I felt this push outside of me that I had to leave Ireland because if I didn’t leave I would be dealing with the same shit over and over again (that shit is personal), but I came back to nothing and more pressure and more anxiety that you just feel lost and have no real point of direction.  I so badly want to too but like is it right? The reality wall hits again–it all comes back to that. I am missing something that I got there and isn’t here.

And how do we find that thing again that we left behind? A lot of times we look back and we only see the good. We miss what was and want that back thus we lose focus on what’s happening and the moments a head. It can be harder, I know. But the one thing we should not do is look back and also compare/listen to others.

A lot of times I think it’s what is expected, and what our peers are doing better than us. We  feel this pressure and failure upon ourselves when we do this. Like I’ve been told “like you’re only 25” but I also had the other end of “your 25 and you haven’t”…. It’s this rude thing that comes out of people, this need to tell you and be shocked by you,have an opinion on you. Top it up we also have this self pressure we put on yourself and comparing to others that we all do. And what happens well if you’re anything like Rory Gilmore…

You’ll take anything, you would take a job to write about lines that are “hipster”, you’d sleep with a Wookie, and you’ll take an unpaid position in your small town because it’s not only comfortable but you think it might be exactly where you need to be. But you don’t feel any better.

All I can say is  we will figure this out. We have to because we are meant for so much then what we are getting. I am going through that same feeling and all I know is what I know. I know what to do to calm my anxiety, to get rid of that overwhelming feeling–and that is to ride it out. Also I said this in my 2017 goals is to put myself out there, I know the whole thing has a lot to do with my feeling but also my self-doubt and it doesn’t help that no matter how much you try it’s not good enough. See it as a challenge to really fight, I haven’t found that thing I want to fight for but I will always fight for myself–and so should you!Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

Ask yourself instead of those larger questions like what do you want, where do you see yourself. Go smaller, what are you going to do on Friday that will benefit you, are you going to volunteer, are you going to go on a road trip, are you going to go out and have a cup of coffee and do some writing? Are you going to send out those applications, open submissions? Don’t forget take the time to build yourself and then sell yourself.

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Lookbook: Day to Night

Jacket: Francescas

Shirt: H&M

Shoes: Steve Madden

Skirt/ tutu/dress: self made by my mom-she had talent!

Update: January is over

Do you remember my post about achieving my goals? I had written about creating categories for my goals and I created a chart of “if you do this you get a sticker.” You don’t; don’t worry, neither do I. But the post is here if you would like to read it.

img_6726I’m not saying I didn’t fill in my pie charts; I looked them over and filled them in. They just never were on my mind during the day.

Also I realized as I filled in the pie charts that I am quite harsh on myself. For example, I was critical of myself on blogging even though I am keeping up with my writing. I’m trying with the new Facebook page, and I’m working at it each day. But, I am thinking of what I haven’t done, and what I’ve been hoping to do. So I don’t fill in the chart despite doing well.

Who isn’t harsh on themselves? We all are are worst critics.

Processed with VSCO with a5 presetMost people set goals in January then slow down, I do the opposite. In February there is a lot to look forward to, but there is also a lot of unknown to come in February. Story of my life. There are three things this month that are my main goals: Taking care of myself which includes eating right and not going to bed with my make up on. Having better content for blog posts. The third thing is to do more story writing. I have a lot of stories on my mind that I want  to tell so I made a list of places to send them. I’m working on places to pitch ideas. And that really is what 2017 will be for me – going out of my comfort zone and not second guessing myself.

I feel that “going for it” feeling for February. Of course as I write this I start to think, second guess, and doubt myself. However, there is more behind this determination in me then there was in January. I think it’s because at the end of February I’ll be back in Ireland.

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Lookbook: T-shirts with a purpse

If you are all about graphic t-shirts, looking vintage then these two t-shirts are for you, they also help increase awareness about important causes.

I’m feeling very slumpy this week, it has a lot to do with my life and that it’s that time of the month. I start to think of all the things I’ve not been doing. Plus, it seems it has increased to a level that is making me feel like CRAP, not only in myself but in blogging as well. If you have been following me on Instagram you might have noticed a slow down in posts and also a lot of #throwback. But, I’m hoping that this weekend finally getting to learn how to snowboard and also taking care of myself will get me over this slump mood. I think I just need to buy myself something pretty–or have a night out.

Anyway, the whole life part is more personal but I also believe I am feeling down because of how women are being treated in society/government. The reason why I am bringing that up is one of my favorite things to buy are t-shirts or even hats (LOVE hats even though I don’t wear a lot of hats I love collecting hats) that go towards good. I have two t-shirts that are about supporting women and I have created everyday looks of how to wear them proudly.

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The nasty gal t-shirt: I wore this shirt during the march. And it’s made by Google Ghost; inspired by the USA election and the phrase “Nasty Women,” they took the phrase and made it their own. They empowered those words for women. They have a really cool story in the about me page I recommend go reading. The shirt not only spreads a good message but they good to a great cause. The profits  from the sale are going towards women – 50% of the proceeds from these shirts go to Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood is a a non-profit that provides affordable health care, especially for women, and is under threat. It gives out  a lot like STD testing,sex education,and breast exams. So really this T-shirt is a triple threat with spreading the message of women, taking a stand and giving to planned parenthood which helps women!

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My Sister.org: Now I didn’t know sex trafficking was happening so frequently in Minnesota, I was shocked!  Sex trafficking is selling/trading of women for sex. My Sister.org is a Minnesota based organization that not only is bringing awareness to sex trafficking but is putting action into stopping sex trafficking. Their mission statement, 68dea2ed-92f8-42c8-97f3-d5de75d7506btaken from their site: MY SISTER’s mission is to prevent sex trafficking, educate communities, empower the population, provide after-care for survivors and offer growth opportunities to at-risk women through the sales of our statement-making, ethically-sourced apparel and accessories. 
You can learn more about what they do, how you can help and also get educated on their site’s blog. I’m still learning more about this as well, but I got a t-shirt to share the awareness and to spread the message. Because it parallels my biggest movement of saying Women are not objects! We aren’t a body; we are human.

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A lot of time organizations and groups want you to get involved, and that really is the best way to do it – devote your time and money to them. But, talking about your causes, spreading the message on twitter, sharing reliable sources, and wearing a t-shirts also helps. I don’t have a lot of time to volunteer, so being able to wear these t-shirts in my every day apparel helps put the message out there. I shouldn’t wear white but these t-shirts are on point.
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Why I was at the Women’s March on Washington via Minnesota and what it was like being there.

With anything like this there’s going to back lash but I’m going to say if you don’t agree with women’s rights which are human rights, or equality, treating women with respect and to be open and understanding–don’t read this.  

Why I March

 

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Growing up, I saw no shame in who I was or what I was doing. Others made me feel shame though. As I got older, I began not to care and ignore outside voices. I decided to embrace myself and all that was with no fear. Fuck the judgment or being called names, or worse, being seen only for my body. My favorite comeback to any degrading or sexist comment is, “Thanks I’m a college graduate.”

Recently, I felt like I couldn’t be who I was and I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. Even though it’s 2017, society still treats women unequally. Even worse, there are people in positions in power that say derogatory things, treat women without respect, and take away our rights to our own bodies. I want to feel comfortable with myself and in my own body without these comments, judgements, or ideas.

I am hitting that point in my life where what I’m looking for is a career. However, the career I want is not an easy one. Getting a job isn’t easy for a lot of people my age. I’m not talking about putting jobs back in America either; there are a lot of jobs and I am applying for them. The issue is that the career I want is under attack. I want a career in writing in media, write for magazines, or online. Sometimes it doesn’t have benefits. I don’t want to choose a career for the benefits, especially if it’s not what I want to do OR what I went to school for. But it seems like I will have to go into a job that I’m not interested in, or passionate about, or related to what I went to school for, just to succeed and survive.

 

The March itself…

We walkeimg_6835d down wet, icy sidewalks towards St. Paul college where the Women’s March was starting. We got to the meeting spot and my eyes widened. I was AMAZED at the number of people standing around. There were people all over with signs, standing on the hill, standing in the parking garage. A women’s voice echoed as she guided them through some stretches as we took a strenuous journey to the capital.

The March took awhile to get started. We stood in the same area for about an hour, but the voices were loud as we chanted, “This is what feminist looks like,” and my favorite Girl Scout song, “Everywhere we go…” Just watching the people, seeing kids and men, and all the diversity in one place, was empowering. The signs that people held were spot on, while others were funny and clever. My favorite was a little girl holding a hand drawn sign of Rosie The Riveter, up high. I saw my same attitude and determination in her. We are girls and we want our voices to be heard.

Police officers and volunteers guided us safely towards the capital lawn, where more people gathered and listened. They gave inspiring speeches about women, about diversity, about equality. They gave us hope and reminded us that what was happening was just the start. That it showed that we are coming together to make our voices heard. I was competently moved by this. I was anxious about everything happening in the world and in my life; I felt like giving up. I felt like caving into a job I didn’t want and clothes that weren’t me. After the Women’s March, I didn’t feel that anymore.

We walked along with so many women, children, and men who where there for the same reasons–to get our voices heard and start this movement. Because women of all sizes, backgrounds, color, etc., feel they and their rights are under attack. It affects so many others too, because women have children, husbands, and friends–many who are feeling the same things. And the Women’s March brought all of us together.

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I’ve never really had such support of women. We are more likely to be against each other  but this march showed other wise.It was clear that this was a peaceful march. There were people from all different political background as well, who came here in support and rejection of what was happening in the place we call home and around the world. Knowing that other people were marching in cities across the globe together was empowering.

We are coming together despite our differences to show support and say we deserve respect, equality, and the right to our own bodies! If you love and support women, don’t demean them. Don’t shame them. Don’t say bad things.

There was a man who pointed out one girl’s sign: “Nasty women make history.” And he held up his sign while shouting, “I love nasty women.” And the world made sense again.

Women took the phrase ‘nasty women,’ that can be seen as a sexualized term, and made it their own! That’s empowerment! One of my favourite quotes is: “I refuse to live in this world of shame and silent apologies. Life cannot be dictated by the perception of others, and I wish the world had made it clear to me that people’s reactions to my sexuality were not my my prob, they were theirs.” – Emily Ratajkowski

img_6932The Women’s March was only the beginning–that was clear. We aren’t going to sit by and let the derogatory remarks and disrespect continue. We aren’t going to let lawmakers take away all our hard work, our rights, our bodies. I am forever grateful for participating in the Women’s March and for the support, because even though there was backlash, I hear more love and support than ever before.

This is something I strongly believe in, common thing I do write about, not only on here but also in my personal writing. A City Girl story is for the girls, the ladies, and the women, not ruling out any man or boy either. Because we love them. What we dislike is feeling like we have to be something, that we are lesser, that we can’t embrace who we are without getting negative feedback or be called names, for if we ware something there is a risk, that we don’t have a right to ourselves. So, I marched and will continue to march for that and for all the city girls who feel it too. This movement is giving me what I needed and I found what I am willing to fight for–WOMEN.

Thank you

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If you don’t know what the Women’s March is about, visit their website  and read their mission statement. If you love women and believe we are equal, then support women!