Trying to make it in the working world, the truth from a 20 something girl with a masters.

you hear it over and over again, we are snowflakes, lazy generation. And my response is you don’t know my life. So, if you really want to know what it’s like to be a millennium trying to make a life for herself in a society that makes you feel like you need to have that house, job, and so much by now read. 

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Holding my completed thesis from University College Cork.

If you’re not following me on instagram, why aren’t you? I posted something middle of July of a long caption basically confessing how I am going through something personal and how I think about if I don’t share it am I even being real. And how sometimes not sharing is just fine. THIS BLOG POST is me telling what’s going on, it wasn’t going to be it was going to be how to get through difficult days, but how many list can you read. I decided that after having the 100th disappointment come my way after 9 months of chugging alone, feeling so discourage, losing my determination;  I should write this what if someone else out there is in the same boat. 

People keep telling me that it’ll work out in the end, something will come soon. And how lucky they have so a positive perspective, I am not an optimistic at all–I’ve been disappointed and crushed by high hopes for so long I will admit I am bitter. What drives me is my determination, my mind set for when I want something there is no stopping me. But after so many ‘strike outs’ I don’t have that determination, I have frustration and tears, and fears that for the rest of my life I’m not going to get pass working retail and will never have that life I left Ireland for. It’s like I’m back in my final year of college trying to pass English Syntax; getting those test back with D’s all over them while the guy next to me got an A, but saw he had something marked off and he’s ready to fight. OH I”M DONE! That is exactly how I feel every time when I don’t get that job.

I began to wonder what can I do. Is it because of my blog? Being so honest and real, people don’t like that, talking about being a women in this world, having a learning disability. I wonder how other ladies do it, how they are so successful, how they make it through so many no’s to their face. I really get discourage when I find out they’re younger then me, and I’m like did I miss my door? Never compare yourself. 

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here’s a puppy to make life a little better

I read so many articles of millennium and the statistics of how we aren’t lazy but how we are a generation with the largest of jobless careers. (when I find that article I read I’ll link it here). What do you expect when they want for experience is 10 years and you’re like at 14, I was babysitting. Or what about how they combine writing with web page design. The pressure of societies expectations, from relatives faces, fact you knew how great your life was and now look at yourself. You can’t help but feel like a total fucking failure.  I’m not saying this cause I want pity I’m saying this to let ladies out there who are feeling like shit, disappointed, and looking them selves in the mirror with disappointment–that you’re not alone on the whole fucking suck scale. And you wish people will stop telling you it’ll work out because all you want is for it to JUST work out!

Because all you want is a life, for that apartment in the city, to afford the apartment in the city, to have benefits–don’t even get me started. To not feel like despite having a masters you’re worth it. To not feel like you wasted 4 years of a degree. They told you to go to college and that’s not even enough. SCREAM!

10 minutes and a work out later. I bounce back, with still struggles, still so many questions what else can I do, feel discourage for you don’t even know. The struggle is there are a lot of people out there-250 people applied for that position, the baby boomers are still working. And you’re kind of what can you bring to the table other than “yourself.” You really got to sell yourself, something I’m really trying to work on. I was asked “why me” the first time I answered:  “oh god what if the other person is nice,” that shows my character but guess you can’t show that your a caring person. Then the struggle in finding that actual job you want.  Honestly feel like this side of the world really does not put a lot of credit to creative jobs or people. For instance, I see other girls making content for a coffee shop or a pub in England. Here there is nothing like that. Trust me I looked, I even try doing freelance positions but again I feel like its the door thing & not much out there. It is worst than Ikea directions! 

quote.jpgThough, I don’t have any suggestions on what more can you do, what can you put on your CV or in cover letters, because I am still trying to figure that out. What I can tell you is so many times in school after failure, failing out of syntax and actually getting into my car ready to drop out of college, the fact I didn’t, those struggles were hard but I got through them. Look at all the stories I’ve said, the moments I shared.  I am not a patient and high hopes person, like I said, but I do know failure always wins. So I say take a break, try to take the pressure off yourself and wait to apply when you’re not feeling so discouraged but feeling confident. So many times when I bounce back still having tears in my eyes, looking at jobs kind of just makes it worst. I get it you want to have that career, you want to get out of this shit whole your feeling, you want to use what you not only went to school for, but love doing. And you just wish it would! My friend told me that there’s an Irish saying “whats for you won’t pass you” & so far a lot of the things/people that have pass me were never for me, it took awhile to realise that, so I believe in that saying.

WOW. that felt good to write. If you too are going through the same struggles and frustration let me know if this helped in anyway, or have any advise. That is why I wrote this not for pity I said it because someone else out there is probably sitting on her bedroom floor screaming into a pillow and wanting to give up just let her life be what it is.

Being a girl is expensive

Warning periods are being talked about. 

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You walk into a shop and head to that section. There are rows and rows of different brands, types, and orders. There is this overwhelming feeling and also a little embarrassing feeling because people that pass you know you have your period. Feeling unease you get to the register trying to act like you are just doing a pick up of things with shampoo, razors, body washes, some foundation causes your skin isn’t perfect.  Everything goes through and then the guy who too is trying to ignore that item he just scanned, he’ll probably wash his hands after, tells you $60.95.

Shit just hit the fan.

To live a life without fear, rejection, and safety we need to buy a few things; yet the price is too much! It shouldn’t be this complicated, I just want something to take care of it. nothing too fancy, nothing to let me play soccer; because no kind of tampon is going to make it “feel” any better, do you even know where those things are going? It won’t be nice. But there’s more to just buying a box of tampons.

We take Advil, that cost money, we buy a heating pad that cost money. We go to the doctor and they give us this hormone pill that cost money and feeling  shame for it. We are supposed to get over it, or worst when I’m not PMSing I’m still PMSing.  Or how about the fact that we are girls we have our bodies and blood is coming out of a place that when your 13 your like “Holy crap I am dying!” is not even considered as the important issue or even on the shelf or something to be covered. But, your penis pumps are. (Oh yes I said it Penis PUMP).We go through so much when on our periods. Not only the pain and trying to take care of it. But the worry of can you see? Let me double check in this mirrors. And sitting, I don’t know about you but I hate sitting!

Having our periods is more than what it means to be a woman. Or that it’s the beauty of mother nature. Cause it really isn’t that beautiful in my eyes.

For me having my period was always this annoying, I have it I’m going to tell you thing. When I walk into a shop to go buy some tampons and pads I honestly wave it around like I don’t care. When living in the village where word gets around faster than you can spell MISSISSIPPI. The woman who I knew would ask me if I wanted a brown bag; I would say no. For A. I have no shame. B. it’s my period. When I was younger I had to leave school early, because of “female issues” it’s not an excuse it is valid. Because sitting in ASL listening to the teacher ramble on and on while I’m there wishing I was in a ball on the floor. Thankful, I was able to go to the doctor and get the hormone pill (little blue pill aka birth control) for this pain inside me. But some aren’t as lucky.

There is no metaphor, period.

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Here we are dealing with our woman “issues” while others decided what we can and can not have for ourselves. Putting a price on our body and well-being is

the worst thing ever! Telling us that we aren’t covered yet this is our health, this is our well-being?!  Our bodies are dealing with a lot and not only does the pain hurt like hell, it’s one thing we treat like it doesn’t matter. When all we want is a safe, less pain and not going to break the bank, should be free from opinions and price tag for us to live our life with no worry of shame, BS, and our health. Being a girl shouldn’t be this expensive.

 

Period.

 

How to handle sexism like a boss

Today we are talking about what young girls face every day and how we need to fight through it and empower.

Processed with VSCO with a5 presetThere has been a lot of sexism happening in the news, in media, in politics and in my own life.  And as a blogger, I’m not supposed to talk about it. But I’m a blogger who is passionate about women’s rights overall and I’m writing to give inspiration and motivation for young girls and 20 something ladies. So, I am going to talk about sexism. And this post isn’t only about how to overcome sexism, but for those young girls out there to know it’s okay to be a strong independent woman!

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Found on Pinterest. Of Rora Blue’s series Handle With Care

The idea of sexism has become blurry—people don’t understand what it is. A word you say but being treated like you’re calling out ‘Wolf’. Like when you say someone is being sexist it taken with excuses, defensiveness, and/or blame on you. A book to read is Feminist Fight Club by Jessica Bennett. 254 + references about female empowerment of surviving sexism especially in the workplace; with a lot of examples because “recognizing sexism is harder than it once was.” I could go on about the book, but my consent to tell you to read the book is when you go out and read the book!  It’s empowering and insightful, giving you straight up this is how it is and why it needs to change.  

I think we honestly have a problem, after I was told I was ‘insufferable’ when I was trying to have a fun conversation and I corrected him on his wrong. After I was said to have a problem with ‘everything’ cause I was trying to joke around with him, and those are just recent examples.  I’m 100% human I’m not perfect and I don’t expect anyone to be, but we can try. We can try to move away from sexist comments and ideas because it is 2017.After reading Feminist Fight Club (which is in my Favourites post for May) I have learned where sexism is and how we should fight. And I came up with how we can try to overcome sexism like the boss women we are:

Step 1: Admitting it exists. The more we deny it and the more we give excuses or not call what it is nothing will be done.  Because she is a woman, shouldn’t even come into your thought. And saying ‘you throw like a girl’ like it’s an insult or something? isn’t an insult its old school sexist. Woman and girls are more afraid to admit the sexist comments/action because of fear of feeling like you’re going to get in trouble. That fear is irrelevant now. We need to call out the sexism and if they try to give excuses don’t take the excuse.

Step 2: Facing the truth. A lot of times people don’t want to hear that they are the bad guy/girl, so they make you out to be one. I am 100% tired of this and I don’t stand for this. Having guys call me a bitch, or say I’m being insufferable because I am calling them out or joking back at them just like they are doing it to me, is 100 emoji eye rolls. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

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Found on Pinterest.

Step 3: Don’t Apologize. A lot of sexism happens because women are so willing to give in, we apologize more and we don’t take credit for what we’ve done in the workplace, we say “couldn’t have done without…”.  This has been going on for centuries and that’s why we are fighting to change. Change our ways of feeling the need to apologize, to give excuses and not give yourself credit. Don’t feel sorry for when you do anything or when you are standing up for yourself and against sexism.

Step 4: Handling it like a boss. Since it seems no matter when we stand up for it, we are in the wrong. Society has taught us to just say okay, be quiet, and let it go; and then when we do stand up we are called a bitch–well put a smile on your face and say it in a friendly way, because their sexism is more wrong than you being a “bitch”.

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Found on Pinterest. Rora Blue’s  series Handle With Care

Step 5: Be respectful and equal. In fights we say things we wish we never said. And in this fight we aren’t here to disrespect anyone. We are hear to call out on sexism. Perfect example is MN representative for calling out a “men” for not doing the job.  Those rep. men calling for the female MN representative to apologize for her honesty and calling out the problem is “bitch for being honest” sexism. Men, this is an important step for you.  If you are a man you can join the fight against sexism like the boss man we love and know you are. I’ve had some respectful men and guys in my life, so I know it’s not just a myth. Sexism isn’t only men vs women, women do it too (step 7) but it does come from men a lot of the time. It’s not your fault, sexism has been considered “okay” for centuries. But that’s why we are fighting to change.  Change how “because she’s a woman” is used.   This is the most important step of all the fight. And girls remember, we want to be treated and respected for the girls, the ladies and the women we are and we won’t take anything less.

Step 6: “I’m not bossy I am the boss”. The quote is from Beyonce and it’s everything. It’s stating that sexism exist, how women are fighting the sexism until it’s gone. And putting the comment of saying when a woman takes charge she is being bossy because she’s a woman when in fact she not, she’s being the boss.

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Found on Pinterest.

Step 7: Girls be for Girls! Sexism is seen between girls.  This is something that I am very tired of and needs to stop. We grow up hating and fighting each other, it started when she took my toy to she took my boyfriend to jealousy of success. But that’s why we are fighting to change. The more successful woman there are the more there will be! We need to stick together on this, girls, ladies. We need to link our arms and show that we are united. We might not agree on a lot of things but we can agree that we, woman, can do anything even in heels!

Step 8: Embrace Girls, Ladies and Woman. We are just trying to create a better place that allows girls to know they do throw just as good as boys, or better. To not live in a place where it’s such a shocker that women are strong and independent and know what they are talking about, to take what they say and listen. So girls, ladies, women, be a strong willed, independent women. World get ready because if you can’t handle it well there is going to be a problem because we are here to stay!

One way or another we have experienced sexism. And it really is time we live in a world where girls are just as equal as boys, are not consider a bitch for being honest and throwing like a girl isn’t an insult. Because really girls, to be a strong independent willing woman/girl is sometimes hard to be but we will be her anyways.

 

Let’s talk about A Day without women

 

The purpose of A Day Without Women wasn’t to cause chaos, but to show awareness of the importance of women in society in the work force and in the economy. It was a movement for women to be treated with respect and equality. AND men were NOT forgotten in this.strong-women-featured

So let’s get into why someone may “hate” on A Day Without Women. Maybe they saw that there was no point. Maybe for them, they were perfectly fine, but that’s them–there are more people in this world than just “you” who are not getting the same amount of respect, and benefits as you.  Some may even feel threatened. My favorite quote of all is “strong women scare weak men” BECAUSE its 100% true. We see it all the time, not only with men but with other women. They can’t handle a strong-willed person and get defensive for no reason. I will never understand these people. Then there are people who are just immature, some of which I had to deal with when I posted on my Instagram post to show support for women. I won’t call them out or say what was said but I’ve seen it too many times before and it needs to stop. These actions are what I expected would happen on March 8th. And it’s something I am tired of. BUT the negativity wasn’t loud enough to take away the importance of the movement.

Social media blew up, people, both men and women, showed their support. I loved seeing all the posts about women: the quotes, the words, the pictures, the little girls with their signs. I’d say we blew up everyone’s news feed, letting them know we are here! And it was not just a state-wide movement; it was world-wide. Ireland was striking to repeal the 8th.  It was a day to show awareness, to speak up, and to let society and governments know WOMEN are needed and deserve to not only be heard but to be treated with respect and equality.

I would have LOVED to have been at one of the events, but instead I wore red to show my solidarity.

img_4257The reason I am so passionate about women’s issues is not only because I am a woman, but also because over the years, I have felt both the struggles and the shames of being a women. Don’t get me wrong, I grew up in a house were my dad who never taught me and my sister that we couldn’t do anything case we were girls. He wanted us to do anything we wanted, but better. It wasn’t until I entered the world that I began apologizing for everything, feeling this shame, and struggling with myself and society. I was losing confidence. I found that I lost more and more of as I further entered the world, but why? Perhaps it is because I am a women. And that shouldn’t be the case.

I was silent for a really long time, but not anymore.

I began to find the voice and confidence in myself and understand the importance to not simply sit still and look pretty or just smile and say yes. Rather, I learned to speak up and to point out the wrongs when I saw them, all while maintaining a very Chrissy T mentality. I know the best way to respond to negativity or hate is silence but we’ve been silent for too long.We tried to get by, pushing our way to the top, saying no, wearing what we want to wear with no fear but it still wasn’t enough. Our silence wasn’t enough; we were still not getting equality, still seen with a “well, you’re a girl” mentality, called a bitch for speaking up, and having our rights to our bodies questioned. And that was what March 8th was all about: to break our silence so they would finally hear us!

I thrived off of this empowerment, wanting to take on the world with no fear or apologies. And really, I mention this in my women’s march post. We need this especially now, this sisterhood and love for each other is more important than ever, in this time where hate seems to be louder. The future is female!

And for the haters or people being negative on the day or towards any women or girl–you are sadly part of the problem.We fight for ourselves because of you.

 

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What being 25 really means.

I am writing this after a long traveling adventure, I am jet legged, and all I really want to do is close my eyes and do nothing. Which I could do but after being gone for two weeks there is a dirty filled suit case to unpack, there’s mail to be open, and things to do– welcome back to reality! But that can hold off one more day because today’s my birthday! I had a party last Friday which WAS super DUPER fun in Reardens, of course, with all my friends which I loved. And tonight we are going out to eat. I’m turning 25, which can be daunting.unnamed-3

This year for a”birthday” post it’s all about what it really means to be 25, because we have this idea that we are 25! and we really should be at this point of our lives of success and a new chapter–maybe even the white picket fence house. That is not necessarily true. Here’s a list of what I realised what being 25 really means.

  1. It doesn’t mean you’ll have it figured out
  2. It means you’re not 21 anymore so don’t act or dress like it
  3. you’ll change your path a few times
  4. you will know exactly what you DON’T want and couldn’t be bothered with any of it
  5. It doesn’t mean you have to be married by now
  6. You don’t have to be like your parents
  7. It means you have to really start washing that make up off your face before bed
  8. Means your still closer to 0 then 100
  9. You’ll have smaller groups of people in your life and that is more important then large groups
  10. You don’t have to have that career job, your still searching for itunnamed-2
  11. Time to invest in good face products
  12. It does meany you need to start brushing your hair
  13. It doesn’t mean you have to CUT it OR stop dying it purple
  14. You are definitely not in high school anymore
  15. You are definitely not in college anymore
  16. You feel more confident but you do feel a little unease cause you are 25 and should know shit–BUT you don’t and that is okay!
  17. You really need to learn how to cook
  18. It’s time you  get a dog
  19. You don’t have to buy a house
  20. You really should know what benefits meanunnamed
  21. You are a women here yourself RAWR
  22. Buy yourself more sophisticated clothes (goes along with how your not 21 anymore) WHICH doesn’t mean designer
  23. It means you have to take care of yourself a little differently now
  24. Wear less sneakers and more boots
  25. It does mean you invest more
  26. Being 25 isn’t scary it’s actually quite exciting

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25 isn’t as scary as one may think, it 100% doesn’t mean you have to have this life of the dream and have it all by now cause you are only 25. It just means you are at a different point in your life, things look different, you have to do things a little differently that is all. For me 25 is the year of this new goal, I just finished my biggest goal of all (I’ll talk about soon unless you follow me on instagram you’d probably know). 25 is my year of really going for it and not giving a–.

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Feeling lost is OKAY!

This is my story. My goal in writing pieces like these will not only shed light on who I am but have others see themselves and relate to parts of it with me.

When Rory Gilmore came back onto my television screen she said the one thing that I was so thrilled to hear: “I’m feeling very lost right now.” Anyone else just go ‘yes’? And said ‘hell yes’ when she said “I have no job, I have no credit, I have no underwear.”

5 months ago I came back from Ireland and it is not easy to let go or move on. I feel lost like Rory says, if you follow on twitter you’ll know. But here, we are 20 something girls who are now in their mid-twenties educated, skilled with experience but it’s not good enough. It’s not only frustrating but confusing because it wasn’t suppose to be like this. And I  am sitting here thinking I gave up everything  for this?

I always had this point to drive me. For example, I wanted to go back to Ireland I found a job, wanted to go to graduate school in Ireland I did, and now I don’t know because the point is so much bigger it’s a life. How do I get there, is it through blogging, is it through writing on the side, like what do I have to do? The other day I was convince on moving back to Ireland. I feel this sickness and fear build inside of me that’s personal–and really couldn’t even tell you why. I felt this push outside of me that I had to leave Ireland because if I didn’t leave I would be dealing with the same shit over and over again (that shit is personal), but I came back to nothing and more pressure and more anxiety that you just feel lost and have no real point of direction.  I so badly want to too but like is it right? The reality wall hits again–it all comes back to that. I am missing something that I got there and isn’t here.

And how do we find that thing again that we left behind? A lot of times we look back and we only see the good. We miss what was and want that back thus we lose focus on what’s happening and the moments a head. It can be harder, I know. But the one thing we should not do is look back and also compare/listen to others.

A lot of times I think it’s what is expected, and what our peers are doing better than us. We  feel this pressure and failure upon ourselves when we do this. Like I’ve been told “like you’re only 25” but I also had the other end of “your 25 and you haven’t”…. It’s this rude thing that comes out of people, this need to tell you and be shocked by you,have an opinion on you. Top it up we also have this self pressure we put on yourself and comparing to others that we all do. And what happens well if you’re anything like Rory Gilmore…

You’ll take anything, you would take a job to write about lines that are “hipster”, you’d sleep with a Wookie, and you’ll take an unpaid position in your small town because it’s not only comfortable but you think it might be exactly where you need to be. But you don’t feel any better.

All I can say is  we will figure this out. We have to because we are meant for so much then what we are getting. I am going through that same feeling and all I know is what I know. I know what to do to calm my anxiety, to get rid of that overwhelming feeling–and that is to ride it out. Also I said this in my 2017 goals is to put myself out there, I know the whole thing has a lot to do with my feeling but also my self-doubt and it doesn’t help that no matter how much you try it’s not good enough. See it as a challenge to really fight, I haven’t found that thing I want to fight for but I will always fight for myself–and so should you!Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

Ask yourself instead of those larger questions like what do you want, where do you see yourself. Go smaller, what are you going to do on Friday that will benefit you, are you going to volunteer, are you going to go on a road trip, are you going to go out and have a cup of coffee and do some writing? Are you going to send out those applications, open submissions? Don’t forget take the time to build yourself and then sell yourself.

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Lookbook: Day to Night

Jacket: Francescas

Shirt: H&M

Shoes: Steve Madden

Skirt/ tutu/dress: self made by my mom-she had talent!

Update: January is over

Do you remember my post about achieving my goals? I had written about creating categories for my goals and I created a chart of “if you do this you get a sticker.” You don’t; don’t worry, neither do I. But the post is here if you would like to read it.

img_6726I’m not saying I didn’t fill in my pie charts; I looked them over and filled them in. They just never were on my mind during the day.

Also I realized as I filled in the pie charts that I am quite harsh on myself. For example, I was critical of myself on blogging even though I am keeping up with my writing. I’m trying with the new Facebook page, and I’m working at it each day. But, I am thinking of what I haven’t done, and what I’ve been hoping to do. So I don’t fill in the chart despite doing well.

Who isn’t harsh on themselves? We all are are worst critics.

Processed with VSCO with a5 presetMost people set goals in January then slow down, I do the opposite. In February there is a lot to look forward to, but there is also a lot of unknown to come in February. Story of my life. There are three things this month that are my main goals: Taking care of myself which includes eating right and not going to bed with my make up on. Having better content for blog posts. The third thing is to do more story writing. I have a lot of stories on my mind that I want  to tell so I made a list of places to send them. I’m working on places to pitch ideas. And that really is what 2017 will be for me – going out of my comfort zone and not second guessing myself.

I feel that “going for it” feeling for February. Of course as I write this I start to think, second guess, and doubt myself. However, there is more behind this determination in me then there was in January. I think it’s because at the end of February I’ll be back in Ireland.

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