It is hard not to compare yourself to other people. I mean we see what everyone is doing and how other respond all over social media. We are human we can’t help it. I do it too especially when it comes to school.
I work differently…
When I was in high school how kids would be like I got an A I got an B but they didn’t study and in undergrad it would bother me so much when people would post about how they got a 4.0 and still partied hard. While I spent nights studying pulling my hair out of my head, working my butt off yet I still wasn’t doing as good as they where- but it was my best.
It can be easy to compare yourself and get frustrated with it all since you hare doing your best but it doesn’t seem to be good enough. In any situation, schools just my personal example.
The one thing to remember is we all work differently. Last minute and the stress works for people but for me I need to be a head of the game. If I don’t I will fall behind, I wouldn’t be my best. I have my struggles that need to be met with time management and getting a head of the game. So even though I have the whole thing written two weeks in advance, those two weeks doesn’t mean I’m done. No still going to the library working out it, looking for mistakes, clarity, perfecting it.
And when people ask me about where I am or what I got, I get awkward. I don’t like to talk about them, because I know how it feels to feel behind and fall behind. That I don’t want to put that on someone else. So what do I do I explain myself (something I have to stop doing).
What’s the point of this? Well the title sums it up. We work differently. We are human-we won’t stop comparing ourselves, wanting to feel better that we are doing it right- but in minutes after comparing myself I remember I am not them and they are not me!
It is my first rag week at UCC and all that is happening reminds me of UL’s rag week in 2013. How different it was, how much fun it was, and let’s face it how different I am. Plus, back then I was there to experience study abroad, have fun, and I did not have to put my all into my courses. Also, I was young, only turning 21 and had had no real experience that I now have. YEAH, I’m getting older.
2013 was FUN, we went to all the events, the paint party, we went to stables. We did what we were supposed to do. We even went to our classes and to the library. That time was full of experiences with great friends who, if the term squad was around, would be a squad.
Now, in 2016 at UCC; I’m in grad school and here for my education, I have had many experiences that I learned from (hopefully) and I began to wonder if I should join in. I mean, I don’t have my squad. And right now I’m staring out at the quad with all the students and all I can think is how can I brave this given what I know. I can’t help but feel I am too old for that sh*&. I mean I’m in grad school, I can’t party like I use to. Plus, the anxiety I have being around tons of people; it wouldn’t be debilitating, but I know I’d have an overwhelming feeling that I’d be out of place. I’d be very nervous and want to hide like hiding in a corner.
Events like this make me wonder if I’m missing out while at UCC. But to be fair, these kids are in a whole different place then I am. I was them in 2013. Sadly to say, but you have to grow up some time (DAMN PETER PAN WHY DIDN’T YOU COME TO MY WINDOW).
So as I look at all these people on campus (who knew campus could get this full), the music that is so loud I can hear it in the library, memories about 2013 RAG week are all flashing through my mind, the laughs, the inside jokes, the paint, the next morning’s walk to 44, and my squad. I love all of them; they mean so much to me, and they did so much for me. I kind of want to join in 2016 RAG week but then I walk through the crowd of people and I’m like NO!
Here’s a pictures from 2013:
Welcome back to reality. You were on hold for a few weeks, no worries, nothing to do, you vegged, watched TV shows and are now addicted to them. But, since you won’t have any time to watch them you might as well hold off to watch them for hours straight as you go back to reality.
And what a welcome back reality it was. I had thought nothing of my first week back at grad school. I was just thinking it would consist of buying groceries, seeing people again, and looking the wrong way when crossing the street. I had an idea of what I needed to do for getting myself back into the swing of reality. But I don’t know how I was so underprepared yet on it at the same time.
My “week” back to graduate school was two days of two classes. Which are going to be super exciting and varied topics like media writing (hello Minor) and workshop writing (hello stories). I think these two classes will be good because maybe it will help me find my happy medium between the two. Since in undergrad they were two different departments.
But that wasn’t the difficult part, my mind was still trying to come back from jet lag, realising where I was and I probably needed time to relax but there was no time to relax.
I had goals for the week I was back like getting e-mails sent out. I spent my time in the library because it is where I can get things done. I wasn’t the only one to think so.
Monday started big with sending out emails and trying to find summer accommodations, because the place I am living now doesn’t house for students anymore. Which when deciding to go to UCC accommodation was the selling point. The downside to Cork and Ireland is that housing is difficult to find and the prices are high. But there is always an upside to a downside of things especially if you are prepared and don’t procrastinate. So I am weighing my options and maybe be an Au Pair for the summer.
Tuesday was a bit more relaxed. I was coming down from the weekend and Monday’s exciting welcome back, that my mind was tired yet it seemed to be running wild. It was almost like I didn’t really know where I was yet my feet were walking in the right direction.
That’s the thing that happens when you are on holiday, on hold from reality. The first week back is spent running around, and feeling stressed over what you should have done and what you need to do. Normal.
Wednesday and Thursday were a bit all over but filling my time up mostly in the morning and evenings laying down hoping I will fall asleep. I am getting back into the swing of things and happy to be back.
Little update sorry its so late to post!