A City Girl: Keep going backwards

I rewrote this a LOT….

Ireland vs. Minnesota and  back after living away for two years.  It’s been a year, so here is a little update (it’s long, I have a lot to say!)

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I’m keeping the title the same from when I first wrote this post, because I don’t know what to call it and even though things have changed I still feel myself “going backwards.” I mean, I find myself back to where I was before I moved away.

Many of the things I will talk about here could be summed up as  #youdon’tlknowmylife. It’ll be hard to grasp because you are not me. I can only explain it the best I can and you can only try and understand. People might think they have the answers but it is one of those times where it’s on me. And all you really ask from people is to listen, be there, and understand. 

What hasn’t changed

After a year of living here I still haven’t found my places, I still haven’t found or formed a group I could meet for drinks (people like to brunch here and IDK I rather just have my pancakes). A lot of time I feel out of place and annoyed of how unfriendly this place really is, and I was born here. Or the opportunities here for creative fields are slim.

I’m still not feeling the best about myself–the waves come not as much as they used to, like every day. And it doesn’t help that I’m still not in that career job (more on that) or living in a place of my own. I am uncomfortable, my anxiety is more frequent, and I think we can all agree we feel more at ease when we are around people we enjoy, and in places we know.

REALITY check it’s hard for us 20 something adults trying to make it in the real world. And there are not a lot of creative jobs out there. and you do want to provide for yourself, have opportunities, see the world and live in the world and do what you love, with out the fear and feeling like shit living in it.

Me and MN just never belonged together I think. However, despite this feeling of disappointment and feeling stuck; maybe just maybe things are finally “happening.”

Things began to move

This is where things did began to move because I got a 2nd job that will give me the “experience” I’ve been missing, I believe. Because really, I’ve been applying to jobs for over a year and nothing has been happening. And not getting these jobs, interviews, or even an answer–I began to question myself.  I felt a lot a time a lone, which I know I’m not because I have the same conversation with girls my age A LOT.

A whole year with a masters degree and not doing what I went to school for, was disappointing. I started to feel like shit. Finally I feel I’m on the track I need to be on. I’m creating a lot of content and writing more to build up my CV. It’s not easy being a writer and getting paid for it.  I wish more people grasped that. Despite finally getting something that has put me onto the path I’ve been wanting to be on, there still that frustration and also tiredness of I have a masters and only getting part time minimal jobs. That BITES! Also running around feeling exhausted has giving me no room for anything else…

Let’s talk Blogging

Blogging has suddenly paused. I’ve fallen out of the loop with blogging and bloggers. There are days where I could be on top of it, but I’m tired, or the 6 hour difference struggle.  I love blogging  and well we all want what we love and enjoy to be our job.  I don’t want blogging to become something it isn’t for me, I don’t want to take on #spon, when it’s not right. And that hasn’t come yet in the swoon of random emails of products, companies asking for more followers (the behind blogging stuff).

I will always be honest with you guys. Blogging has really come to a hault a lot of days but some days it’s going. I’m still working on the balance and planning of two jobs, blogging and a life. 

Where am I now? 

I was told at work that I treat “Ireland like my home but it’s not” and that honestly bothered me, because (A) how many times have I talked about why I left because I was temporary?  I told them”I don’t think I do but you should try lifting up your life.” Because I wasn’t living out of a suit case in Ireland, I was improving my life.  And that’s where I am now, trying to get my life back and myself back.

How I miss the girl I once was and I want her back. Moving to Ireland probably was the best thing for me; I really became someone I never thought I would be and losing that affected my confidence in myself on so many levels. I was back on the couch binge watching Gilmore Girls the whole summer. And this girl I grew out of is some how back?

The truth is when you lose yourself in so many ways it’ll take a while to get to where you once were. I think this is where a lot of people get confused and I get tired of talking about it, because the only way to move on is to keep going forward. But I can’t help feeling I keep going backwards.

What’s next?

 I told myself another year in MN despite us not belonging together. Another year so I can start making BIGGER moves. You hear a lot of stories of a girl who started with a blog and now is a best seller–personally I want to be that girl! That’s my goal, I went to school for writing, I want to write. If it’s through someone else’s voice until my voice gets heard then so be it. I never went for Creative writing to write a novel but after this year the thought did cross my mind: “Maybe it’s time to write a novel”.

There is some sort of ‘plan’ floating around in my head, but half the time I have no time, I get stressed, anxiety and fear about my future hits me, and all I want is to live my life doing what I want to do.  State side is not easy going; I am not relaxed with work. And that’s what I miss a lot, the easy going life with drinks on a Monday night, hanging with friends in the Village on a Tuesday evening, stores closing at 6 pm week days.

So what I would like to happen next is to stop feeling this pressure;  I want to keep blogging; I want to see my writing in others’ hands in some form or another.  I want to keep working to have a career writing but I also want to live my life.  After a year of being back I honestly am ready to move forward and I think I can if I keep pushing myself further and don’t let my anxiety, fears, doubts hold me back. 
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Over all the biggest thing I learned is to put myself first and limit the stress I put onto myself. It is going to take awhile to put myself back together and figure out life; I need to take baby steps and find those happy things in my daily life. Take care of myself.

I do hope writing these updates aren’t like too much like a diary, but like all my other writings I have done on here it will let others know they’re not alone; they may say “that’s exactly it.” (If you’re saying that’s exactly it comment below with that’s exactly it! We girls (or boys) have to stick together.)

 

 

 

 

 

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What I’ve been loving and what I can live without

similar post here.

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I think about sharing my favourite beauty/products I use, even thought of doing a “morning routine” themed post  but I really don’t know what to say . So thought I just do that stuff on FB page or on insta, but I don’t know I don’t think I’m “interesting” enough for that. I just wear make-up, I buy what I buy and I’m like everyone else on the ABH pallets why do I need to share that? But to have some easy going post I thought I share what I’ve been loving in the beauty/bathroom stuff. Along with what I could live without.

 

HAIR:

Tresemme Beauty-full Volume: I got this a year ago and after a shower I put it in and it does wonders to my hair-it does Volumes it. I used it a lot before going out.

Verb sea spray: I liked this especially after my hairs been in a top knot or some braids and I need some texture to my hair. I will then wash my hair afterwards because my hair will get knotty.

FACE:

Body Shop vitamin E range: I love this range I think it does wonders for my skin.

Urban Decay face mist: maybe this should go under make up, but this has really done wonders for my face and make up from getting onto my clothes.

MAKE UP:

Lo’real True Match Foundation: I got this foundation because Blake Lively was in the ad (I’m a sucker for blake lively) and I wanted to see if the foundation she used was mine-& it was! W3!! So I had to get it and I actually really like this foundation, I think it does what it says. But IDK if I’ll keep buying Lo’real stuff because what I’ve been reading, its all two different sides but its interesting I really don’t have a insight to this it’s just good to stay what kids call “woke”.  Teen Vogue Article here.

Tarte “Paaarty” blush: got this blush in my birthday gift from Sephora and actually been using it a lot. It’s less pinky then Nars one and more darker which does wonders for a tan.

Hoola Bronzer: is there anything better? I use this a lot more for contouring or what I like “shaping my round face”

Gimme Brow: this stuff is wonders for keep my brows in place but also for a quick “let me do my brows” moment especially when you don’t have tedious minutes.

Bum Bum Cream: I love the smell of it, I don’t know if it does what it say it does but that’s because I don’t use it every time I get out of the shower (i have the travel size) but I like.

Tyna Burr Martha moo: my friend went to England and was going to pick me up another one of these because I love it so much but she couldn’t find it. I think I love it for how it stays on for a liquid lipstick, I love the applicator. The colour is lovely and right up what I love for a lip. But this is the first liquid lipstick besides sleek that hasn’t disappointed me.

Can live without

“Better then sex”: it is good, but for a mascara that you can only have up till 3 months before its ‘bad’ and the price i think ill have to pass.

Nars foundation: its good but like its foundation and the price I couldn’t keep buying it

Naked skin hybrid complexion perfecto: I got this because a girl I worked with said its all she used. It smells funny and it doesn’t last long. I feel like things are still showing after applying.

NYX  HD studio finishing powder: the smell, it makes me sneeze and it drys not only the air I’m breathing but my face.

NYX Born to Glow: I read this was a dupe for these more expensive glow stuff. And I feel like it doesn’t do what it says, it doesn’t blend nicely.

NYX liquid lipstick:  OKAY I”M NOT HATING ON NYX AT ALL I just bought there stuff and when use it I just don’t think it works. And I was very disappointed in there liquid lipsticks. To be fair I haven’t found ANY good liquid lipstick here. They are all like this. When I do apply, it’s sometimes a mess and the colour doesn’t stay on. Like I actually have to reply it. For my Sleek and Tyra burr rally do I have to apply it usually after like a meal maybe but never throughout the day or after one drink of water. And that’s where I’m  disappointed.

If this stuff is what you want to see along with my other stuff “like” or comment below. And don’t forget to follow via email!

How to be a happy blogger

It has been a struggle with blogging especially with instagram, I am not the only blogger who is talking about this. We are all on the same page of how frustrating it is. Social media for blogging has become a place of marketing and expectations.It’s become not genuine. And it really gets frustrating and  you do began to question yourself.

I have felt this.  The content I have been taking this last month I’ve been deleting because I am not happy.  I’m really struggling with content and trying really hard to stay who I am and feel okay with it. Please note I don’t plan to change myself. But there are moments where I am like how can I still be me and still put out good, creative and eye catching content. How can I still be me but drive traffic to a city girl.

So. How do you stay a happy blogger when you are stressing to get the right filter on a photo or even the right photo to share.  There are thoughts that are blocking your creativity (what I do to stimulate my creative is shared at the end).

Getting ride of those negative thoughts! & those ideas! 

Don’t worry about not following the trends: as a blogger who doesn’t define herself as a fashion blogger, for good reason I spend most of my time in clothes from my floor and I don’t have the money to keep up with that.  It seems like you need to be talking, posting, have an opinion, buying what everyone else is. But that’s not true, you don’t have to follow the trends to be a blogger. Because  if you can’t be like them then be different and that will get you notice by the right people.

Definitely don’t worry about how many followers you lose or not getting: for me I look more of a safety reason of who’s following me. It shouldn’t matter how many followers you have, you may think it matters but it doesn’t. And in the world of # tags, and getting traffic to your blog and notice by people, don’t worry. The right #, or the right tag isn’t going to put you anywhere higher. The amount of shitty, un-quality pictures I see when click those # that shit seems to not matter. Use the basic # like #blogger, #fblogger, or your own. I think the best way to get followers is networking, and following other blogs and talking to them.

Who gives a shit about your ecstatic: In my moment of trying to figure out what I can do to bring more attention and traffic to my blog, what content should I use–they all tell about “themes” for post, filters, and not over posting. I’m here to tell you DOES NOT MATTER! I’ve done extent research and it honestly does not matter. Yes, its more appealing especially to marketing but to every day people nope. I agree with the whole don’t over post-& I like one blogger said how she started a blog because she needed a place for photos that didn’t make it on instagram. The stress of getting the right photo, the right filter, sharing at the right time. For me this is my main one I stress over that really has no need. So duck it in the bucket.

Don’t be afraid to put you’re voice out there: Do not be afraid to put your voice out there, “put your stamp on a topic”. I think the one thing you need to do when it comes to blogging is be yourself! if they don’t “like” it –that’s fine each to their own, if they “unfollow” you then you probably didn’t want them to follow you anyways. If they don’t read or click on your blog or read you caption well we have a whole different blog post for that.

Don’t try and play the blogger game: Okay this is going to sound so “high school”. But I’ve have had so many times that theses  “blogger game” happen. The only going to like a bunch of your photos every other week but don’t follow you or the girl who kept unfollowing me over and over again, even comment, but then unfollowed me a few hours later. Sadly blogging is going to have those “mean” people. The key & i did this in high school to: Don’t even bother. Think the best thing we can all do is don’t follow, don’t engage and you know what take the likes they give you but that’s their game they are playing-not yours.

Be yourself:  Your doing blogging for yourself and if you have other ideas of blogging and what blogging should be rather the “norm” or “whats trending” then go for it! Have no fear! 

Five things can do to break the slump!

Everything I look at for inspiration looks the same or what I see I can’t create–limitations of time, location, or not have the right tools (Indesign) or fact I don’t know how–there is no book on this stuff! I sometimes wish I could  clone me or a second friend I could work with so there would be a creative flow, but there’s just me. So here is 5 things I do to get myself creative:

  1. take a walk with your camera
  2. play dress up
  3. buy magazines look through them then make a collage out of them
  4.  scan pinterest. this one has become almost not helpful because everything looks the same. but if you have something in mind and need ideas search it. 
  5. Follow other girls for inspiration and even talk to them, bounce ideas off them

Hope this blog gave you some different mindset to instagram then what you’ve probably been seeing/reading. And that you will find your creative spark and own self again in content. I hope this post gives you inspiration and a different voice to “how to increase traffic on instagram” or  “how to build following on instagram” Because the truth is it’s all BULLSHIT. I say be you and the people who follow/like what you put out are the only people who really matter. And you want to follow you.

 

Here’s some creative thought to go along with this post. 

First day of school outfits

 September has always been “school starts month” so here is my post on first day of school outfits you can try.


Let’s be honest that first day of school outfit especially if you are in high school or secondary school (no uniform) is the only time you will put an effort into your outfit because the rest of the year you will be in yoga pants these days girls were lulu lemon leggings, and your school sweatshirt . In college, I did put more of an effort in what I wore through out the day. But even in college, the first outfit was always the major one. So here are some outfits with looks I put together along with suggestions on what you can do with what you have in your closet.


I am such a T-shirt and jeans girl. And sometimes with the nerves meet excitement the best outfit for first day of school is a keep it cute but casual outfit that is just a T-shirt and jeans. 


For this post I decided to do something differently not only with content (if you’ve been following me on Insta or Twitter you would know that I’ve been driving that struggle bus for content for awhile). Content has been the one thing I struggle with because of location, time, and also getting what I want, what I see out of my head can be hard. There limitations on not have the right technology too. Like I see other blogs, one in particular, that I just inspire by and I don’t want to copy her but I want to take what she does and do that but in my own style and way. That make sense? I’ve said it so many times with blogging, but I have this big desire to change everything but I don’t have the money or know what I want to do–a really silly example is filters I want to change up my filters I have been using. I want to take different photographs but the location is wrong, its not write, its nothing different. There is this quote I saw which said if you can’t be better be different. So I’m trying. And doing this kind of content is the start.


If you want to bring a look,have a style or be known as the girl who wears that here are some more categorise looks. I put my own spin on them. And you can too! The key is to find bottoms, find a top that really fits that look you want and build it from there. You don’t need to buy yourself a “fashionable” item or a key piece. It doesn’t even have to meet the trends.  The key to a first day outfit is creating yourself as the trend to meet, be your own person.


 

And there are some ideas for your first day of school OTTD. If you are going to your first day of school either be high school, or college and are inspired or got ideas from this post please tag or #acitygirlstorySTYLE I’d love to see them!

 

A list of empowering woman

Late but Saturday was women’s equality day, and this was a blog post to go along with it. 

09ea8fafbae9fa6f24e13f4dacdc43c8.jpgI’ve always loved history I liked learning about it in school, I liked going places and learning about their history and cultures. I thought it was interesting to learn about how things come together, what happens and the impact about it. I think history is important to know because then you can learn from it and understand.  And on August 24th we celebrated the 19th Amendment to the United States’ Constitution; which grants women the right to vote and the movement of women’s suffrage. This was an important landmark in women’s movement and history. The day was created to bringing awareness about the importance of gender equality in society.  Source Click HereHere.  I think it’s important to celebrate this day to remember what was, what could have been and what is now & what more needs and will be done.   I create a list of women of history, writers, fictional, actresses, bloggers, and personal that have empowered me someway or another.

Rosa Parks: the women who refused to move. When learning about history her story always struck a toil with me because she did something so normal to me but was such a big risk for her, at that time and changed history for ever. Her bravery was something I admire.572cb90c90939833a217d58317f0fa3d.jpg

Anne Frank: I am a big Anne Frank fan. I remember reading her diary in 6th grade for my reading class and just moved by it, I was reading such powerful words and story from such at the time I thought was fiction but as we read on and learned more was real. That moment my mind open and my heart broke. She was such a young girl who saw the world from a sky window, she had hope when there seemed to be nothing left.

Marilyn Monroe: A Hollywood icon. Her beauty was eyed by so many people but she wasn’t a size two, she embraced her sexuality and lust with no shame. I have always found myself relating to a lot of her quotes when growing up.314286dcd4e9e98f88d3c7766ab90d7e

Viola Davis: The characters she plays to her speech my whole body just gets chills by this woman. She’s out spoken with no fear. I love the characters she puts on screen for us. I love how she is aware of the world around us. There is something about Viola Davis that when she is on screen or taking the stage I am in ah.

Princess Leia: I remember watching Star Wars when I was younger and loved it, probably not as much as other people. But having Princess Leia on the screen really had to affect on me, that I didn’t realize until later when I got older and started realizing the hardship and degrading stuff women have to go through.  When she blasts the wall to go into the garbage while the men stood behind that was GREAT.

Wonder Women: After seeing the movie she is another character I am glad is on our screen.  Not only her care for others and wellness. But also the fact she is a woman, she’s in a “sexy” outfit but she is kicking ass.

Celia Rae Foote (the help): She is a character in the Help that when I watch this movie she is the one person I just love and adore. She’s an outcast who sure has a pretty face, but it isn’t the pretty face that gets her in trouble its the no fucks and her openness to the world and people around her. And she still strives on!

Mumu: Grandma for Finnish. Growing up and heading to Mumu’s farm I’ve gotten to hear and see what a strong independent woman was. The stories I heard, the stories she told me, the things she did; what she let me do she put sisu in me. Everything about my Mumu I want to keep close but just know she was the start of what feminist and independent looked like for me.

Mom: I never felt growing up I was different or unequal until I left the house until I entered the world. Having my mom around, talking to us, letting us play with Barbie and race cars. Allowing me to get dirty, allowing me to cry. And see herself, beat the norm, beat the ideas; not a stay home mom, she was a working mother and that was normal to me. And it still is. She didn’t put the ideas of society or world around us or on us, she built us up to break them like she does.

30bf73d4d5b6ee54fcf98ca502c0cee1What women has empowered or influenced you? What women do you admire? What women do you look up to? Character or real, let me know 🙂  There are a lot of women out there that I find daily!

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A City Girl at the state fair & what we did and ate.

Not eating meat makes going to the state fair challenging.  If you want to read my post of what I was looking forward to doing at the state fair you can access it here.  

 

Going to the state fair has always been a tradition. It’s HUGE  so it’s appropriately called “The great Minnesota get together”! But, after asking a few people they say they never go. Maybe it’s just the people living in the city who just know it’s crazy and expensive, or they never established the tradition of going to the fair. Each to their own, I say. But a lot of people from all around Minnesota drive to the State Fair Grounds each year.  I talk more on that here, this post is all about what we did, what we ate, how much was spent, hours in line, and what it was like for someone who gets overwhelmed in large crowds and could probably have had a culture shock. Here is a Pinterest/printable check list for you! 

The Ground we covered:

Depending on what gate you come in you’ll end up in a section of the fair. This time we got to go through the main gates, the more iconic entrance. The fair grounds cover a pretty big area and we covered EVERYTHING. There is definitely a lot of things to do, from rides, to shows, to free music, to big-name performers at the Grand Stand. There are booths with things you can buy, from random stuffed animals, cow boy boots, to hot tubs. We were there in the evening and tried to see all of it, but we didn’t get to see as much as we usually do since the dairy barn closed at 10 pm. But we went to the animals of course to see the largest boar and the baby pigs. We caught a horse show, too. And of course we went to the birthing barn, headed to the education building to get our free pens and walked around the Eco Building. Something new we did was watch a glass blowing demonstration near the Blue Barn.

What we ate:

There are the specifics you always eat when going to the state fair. And eating food is the most important part of the fair, there are new add-ons each year. They even give you a list of new food, food locations, a discount book, and a list of the food on a stick because that’s what it’s all about. Deep fried, of course. I always get my little stuff but try to have a “meal,” something larger than something on a stick. But, since I am not eating meat (I’m still eating fish and cheese) it seemed much harder. I did get walleye on a stick, $5 bucks at a stand in the food building. We then went for the usual Milk Shake at the dairy barn near the farm animals, the only place to get your milk shake! Of course, we get mini doughnuts, especially if you going in the morning. Don’t miss a pickle on a stick from the Fried Pickle stand (it use to be in the food building) now moved down near the French Fries stand (those are a must too). We went to the blue barn because we heard the food is more meal like however there are not many options for none meat eaters so I just picked at my mom’s beans and rice as she ate the pork. This year we did go for the Sweet Maratha Cookies, it’s all the rage at the state fair, buckets full of cookies that a lot of people take home and eat for days. However, as I ate the cookie it wasn’t as good as I remembered, or what I thought would be so good considering the length of the line since EVERYONE gets them.

How much will you spend…

You will be spending money when going to the state fair, especially if you do all the extra things like the rides, the games, buying the carnival stuff, or things from the little shops; plus all of the FOOD. But I brought about 40 and I had 20 left so that was pretty good. There is a lot of free things you can get at the fair, trust me. For me it always was about the free stuff you can get!

More….

When asking people if they were going, if they said no a lot of time it was because of the crowds of people. There are some interesting people you will notice at the state fair, and there are TONS of times where you’re basically inching along when walking. I even ran into a guy because we both were looking a different direction. There are plenty of strollers you’ll likely get hit by, too. But, for me, even though I get easily overwhelmed when there are lots of people around I still like to go. I don’t know why but the state fair is one place where it doesn’t happen, maybe it’s because I’m so focused on where I want to be or staring at the ground so I don’t step in cow shit. I remember when I was younger I always was telling a story in my head when we walked around the fair grounds. So, for those of you who don’t like crowds, take a chance and wander over to the fair. Look around and let your imagination run wild.

Pinterest/printable check list for you BELOW!

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Usually we go near the end of the state fair (it goes on for two weeks) and this year I’m going twice! Usually once is all we do, some people do go almost ever day! Like I said, MN State Fair is something you should see and experience.

Vlog of the State Fair:

What I am excited about the Minnesota State Fair

minnesota state fairThe reason I told people to come to Minnesota in the summer was not only because there is no snow but at the end of August we have our State Fair. The MN State Fair is probably the biggest event of the whole summer, the planning starts early. Think of the state fair as where you can get food on a stick, deep fried food, tons of free shit in bags, go to concerts, and see farm animals. There are a lot of people there, which can be overwhelming but it’s such a great people watching spot. And trust me you will get some interesting people. There are some rides for kids to go on.

The main thing I want to see are the farm animals, but you have to start early to see all the recently born chickens, goats, sheep, pigs, cows, and ducks. If you get there early you avoid crowds. We hit all the main buildings; my favorite the environment building. There are a lot of random booths, where you get a lot of free shit that when you get home you will probably throw away.  There’s a building were you get to see Mrs. Minnesota face carved in butter, there is college building with all the Minnesota base colleges. There’s pubs that when I was younger we never hit but now we do. There is lots to do at the MN State fair, and everyone has there own thing. Mine are my usual food and the farm animals. 

The food we get is always a pickle on a stick, which was once in the food building but has moved to its own booth. Get a milkshake, but get it ONLY AT the cow barn because the milk is fresh. For a meal I use to stop at a greek booth but now that I don’t eat meat we’ll have to keep walking to see what I can find. Most people have a long list and know exactly what food they are going to try. We usually grab the discount book, do a little go through and whatever sounds good and we share it. Martha’s Cookies are always a must, if you get a bucket you will be bringing them home. But, to be honest they are not as good the next day.

 

 

The one reason I like to go to the fair, besides getting a pickle on a stick, is for the animals. I jump for joy as we walk down the street with cow and horse shit every where is the animals! I can not wait to get to the pig place to see the little ones, see the sheep, the cows, the horses.  It’s weird, it’s random, it’s the city girl in me but if you were ever in a car with me driving through Ireland you probably experiences my “SHEEEP!” moments.

“I’m such a girl.”11113206_10153444983768463_3970835565234745909_n

The Minnesota State Fair like I said is a the biggest event of the season and everyone has their own thing, their own lists of what to do and see. A lot of time it’s about the food, because there is a lot of food. But for me, besides the animals, I just like being there. Not the whole day, you really don’t have to be there the whole day, but maybe four hours. I’m excited to go this year and I will tell my friends this is why I came back as I eat my pickle on a stick.

I’d do anything for a pickle on a stick!

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