A City Girl: Keep going backwards

I rewrote this a LOT….

Ireland vs. Minnesota and  back after living away for two years.  It’s been a year, so here is a little update (it’s long, I have a lot to say!)


I’m keeping the title the same from when I first wrote this post, because I don’t know what to call it and even though things have changed I still feel myself “going backwards.” I mean, I find myself back to where I was before I moved away.

Many of the things I will talk about here could be summed up as  #youdon’tlknowmylife. It’ll be hard to grasp because you are not me. I can only explain it the best I can and you can only try and understand. People might think they have the answers but it is one of those times where it’s on me. And all you really ask from people is to listen, be there, and understand. 

What hasn’t changed

After a year of living here I still haven’t found my places, I still haven’t found or formed a group I could meet for drinks (people like to brunch here and IDK I rather just have my pancakes). A lot of time I feel out of place and annoyed of how unfriendly this place really is, and I was born here. Or the opportunities here for creative fields are slim.

I’m still not feeling the best about myself–the waves come not as much as they used to, like every day. And it doesn’t help that I’m still not in that career job (more on that) or living in a place of my own. I am uncomfortable, my anxiety is more frequent, and I think we can all agree we feel more at ease when we are around people we enjoy, and in places we know.

REALITY check it’s hard for us 20 something adults trying to make it in the real world. And there are not a lot of creative jobs out there. and you do want to provide for yourself, have opportunities, see the world and live in the world and do what you love, with out the fear and feeling like shit living in it.

Me and MN just never belonged together I think. However, despite this feeling of disappointment and feeling stuck; maybe just maybe things are finally “happening.”

Things began to move

This is where things did began to move because I got a 2nd job that will give me the “experience” I’ve been missing, I believe. Because really, I’ve been applying to jobs for over a year and nothing has been happening. And not getting these jobs, interviews, or even an answer–I began to question myself.  I felt a lot a time a lone, which I know I’m not because I have the same conversation with girls my age A LOT.

A whole year with a masters degree and not doing what I went to school for, was disappointing. I started to feel like shit. Finally I feel I’m on the track I need to be on. I’m creating a lot of content and writing more to build up my CV. It’s not easy being a writer and getting paid for it.  I wish more people grasped that. Despite finally getting something that has put me onto the path I’ve been wanting to be on, there still that frustration and also tiredness of I have a masters and only getting part time minimal jobs. That BITES! Also running around feeling exhausted has giving me no room for anything else…

Let’s talk Blogging

Blogging has suddenly paused. I’ve fallen out of the loop with blogging and bloggers. There are days where I could be on top of it, but I’m tired, or the 6 hour difference struggle.  I love blogging  and well we all want what we love and enjoy to be our job.  I don’t want blogging to become something it isn’t for me, I don’t want to take on #spon, when it’s not right. And that hasn’t come yet in the swoon of random emails of products, companies asking for more followers (the behind blogging stuff).

I will always be honest with you guys. Blogging has really come to a hault a lot of days but some days it’s going. I’m still working on the balance and planning of two jobs, blogging and a life. 

Where am I now? 

I was told at work that I treat “Ireland like my home but it’s not” and that honestly bothered me, because (A) how many times have I talked about why I left because I was temporary?  I told them”I don’t think I do but you should try lifting up your life.” Because I wasn’t living out of a suit case in Ireland, I was improving my life.  And that’s where I am now, trying to get my life back and myself back.

How I miss the girl I once was and I want her back. Moving to Ireland probably was the best thing for me; I really became someone I never thought I would be and losing that affected my confidence in myself on so many levels. I was back on the couch binge watching Gilmore Girls the whole summer. And this girl I grew out of is some how back?

The truth is when you lose yourself in so many ways it’ll take a while to get to where you once were. I think this is where a lot of people get confused and I get tired of talking about it, because the only way to move on is to keep going forward. But I can’t help feeling I keep going backwards.

What’s next?

 I told myself another year in MN despite us not belonging together. Another year so I can start making BIGGER moves. You hear a lot of stories of a girl who started with a blog and now is a best seller–personally I want to be that girl! That’s my goal, I went to school for writing, I want to write. If it’s through someone else’s voice until my voice gets heard then so be it. I never went for Creative writing to write a novel but after this year the thought did cross my mind: “Maybe it’s time to write a novel”.

There is some sort of ‘plan’ floating around in my head, but half the time I have no time, I get stressed, anxiety and fear about my future hits me, and all I want is to live my life doing what I want to do.  State side is not easy going; I am not relaxed with work. And that’s what I miss a lot, the easy going life with drinks on a Monday night, hanging with friends in the Village on a Tuesday evening, stores closing at 6 pm week days.

So what I would like to happen next is to stop feeling this pressure;  I want to keep blogging; I want to see my writing in others’ hands in some form or another.  I want to keep working to have a career writing but I also want to live my life.  After a year of being back I honestly am ready to move forward and I think I can if I keep pushing myself further and don’t let my anxiety, fears, doubts hold me back. 
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Over all the biggest thing I learned is to put myself first and limit the stress I put onto myself. It is going to take awhile to put myself back together and figure out life; I need to take baby steps and find those happy things in my daily life. Take care of myself.

I do hope writing these updates aren’t like too much like a diary, but like all my other writings I have done on here it will let others know they’re not alone; they may say “that’s exactly it.” (If you’re saying that’s exactly it comment below with that’s exactly it! We girls (or boys) have to stick together.)







My Weekend Up North plus a traveling guide to North Minnesota

There are not many guide books about Minnesota so I hope these will be great guides too. 

coverfornorthvk.jpgI did not go camping, I wouldn’t even glamp. Maybe. We stayed in a local AmericaInn Hotel in Silver Bay, MN. If you follow my instagram and saw my story of my trip you would have seen the “room tour” of “that’s where we sleep, thats the bathroom and that’s the door”. But, it was the perfect stay for being close to everything we want to do and right off the road. Our first day was just to get there, a stop over in Duluth for food and walk the boardwalk. I’ve been to Duluth a lot, my grandmother lived in Duluth. We ate at one place I new of called Grandma’s. I like it, its local, its fun, the staff are lovely and the food is great. Because I’m not eating meat while state side I had a wild rice burger which I liked A LOT. It is actually a popular thing up here. Wild Rice is an important food  for the Native American’s.  While in Duluth we saw this sign that read “I’m reading for an adventure” and we were.Processed with VSCO with hb2 preset


We drove on State highway 61 up to Grand Maria, a small tourist town, an hour south from the Canadian boarder. You enter above with a great view of the town that was below right on the lake. Don’t be mistaken that is a lake. We parked in a lot that’s right next to the lifeguard house. And walked up, our first stop was “World’s Best Doughnuts” we were going to see if they were the ‘best’. It was a 15 minute line, there is a second window but you don’t get to go inside to see the donuts and I wanted to see them. They are under 2 dollars, have a variety of flavours. But are they the world’s best? I went for Chet’s Best which was plane one with chocolate and sprinkles. It was good the only thing me and my friend both said it was very sugary. There was a chunk of frosting on it, they said “like eating cake”.

We headed onto the shore and did some walking on some rocks. It was almost like the Irish shore in Gtown, but I new I wasn’t because  Pine trees.  Grand Maria is a cute little town, I liked if for it wasn’t commercialises, sorry no Starbucks. There is this cute little library next to the doughnut shop.  If you are going to head this way definitely stop in Grand Maria, you’ll see a lot that you really don’t expect to see.

IMG_1503We headed back south out of Grand Maria, we weren’t going to Canada, and began our journey to the state parks. We got a weekend pass at Temperance State Park, our first stop, it cost 14 dollars. The ranger in there was very helpful when we told her were we were heading. She told us the best way to get there (exactly what google said) and what we needed to see. And were to park. At Temperance was a quick little bridge walk above this small little off high way water fall. A walk down and a climb onto rocks we ended up on this small little tiny rock beach ( i wouldn’t call it sand) were we again climbed some rocks then headed back up, across 61 to the other side were we adventure under the bridge to get a little closer and cooler view of the water. DON”T GET CLOSE! We moved on for a half hour drive, most on a dirt road to George Crosby Manitou State Park. Where we walked around the lake, we weren’t close to the lake, but it was a nice cool walk in the woods. Our next and longest stop was at Tettegouche State Park.  We were so glad we ended here first, cause there was a lot more to see, a lot more to walk, and we wanted to spend our time here.

Once we got to the top, we decided to go to the lower falls which was about 10 minutes walk over and 5 minutes down A LOT of stairs. That you will have to walk up eventually. We went over to the rocks and sat in front of the water looking straight at the waterfall. Taking the shoes off and dipping our feet in. We sat for awhile, not wanting  take on those 150 stairs. But when we did, we adventured to the other one, across the shacky bridge, down some more stairs (going to walk back up these) to the shore and this large water fall–its not big but it’s pretty big. I quickly took of my pants-my swim suit was

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underneath and went in. I was so hot. I also always wanted to swim near a waterfall-the water is not deep enough to swim I basically skinned my knees and was ankle deep. We were so happy to end there and headed back to figure out food. Since there was no place around the hotel, we weren’t camping, I had the restrictions and seemed everything closed at 7. But the one place that didn’t was in Two Harbors, a small town, half hour away. Which wasn’t bad and got us onto another evening adventure. To some boat watching, iron rage exploration and more rocks. There is another beach spot to swim in Lake  Superior but how can you beat swimming in a waterfall?


I love climbing rocks! 


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It was check out day but more adventure a head! Our first stop was the light house, Split Rock. The parks open at 6 am but the lighthouse wasn’t opening until 10. And us not in any hurry ended up there at 9 am! That’s what happens we you don’t set a schedule you really ended up a head of the game. Which really paid of in our favour cause the gates were open, we didn’t have to pay to go to see the lighthouse and ended up walking the 2 mile walk that we took off the path and on the rocks near the shoe, a head of everyone else. Walking the path is free, seeing the light house is going to cost you.

After Split Rock and Pebble beach, which was the end point of the trail, we headed back to the car to head to our final stop; Gooseberry Falls State Park. There was a LOT of people there, which we soon found out was because this was an easy simple spot; also a swimming whole for kids to play on. Me not wanting to be near people, headed to this little top of rock area were you could walk through some stream of water and sit close to the edge. The one thing I had was we were sitting chatting enjoy outselfes, me with my camera and a drown came above us. It’s agents the law to fly them in the state park, but I hated cause its such a public place and there was some stranger videoing me. I’m fine for when your in like the middle of the ocean but not were children are running around. But we continued out, adventuring across the rocks, water, seeing a few more smaller waterfalls, going into the water to get some cool shots–my long hair ends barely touching it. I think this spot is really cool, but there are just too many people everywhere there is no like relaxing, someone is going to get in your shot not the biggest deal but you kind of don’t want a kid in your photograph you know?

After that we headed back south home, stuck in an hour of traffic, which I LOVE (sarcasm) But this weekend was great, I always need a weekend away especially when things get too much. I always would escape to the beach and my secret spot in Gtown. And this was my three hour drive escape. I didn’t really realize I needed this weekend until after, I felt good, I felt like this was the happiness I’ve been needing. And it brought on this new form of confidence and inability to focus come Monday. But Wednesday morning, reality hit again. Don’t you just hate that? But, I know that happiness and confidence is in me!Processed with VSCO with hb2 preset

I do recommend if you ever in Minnesota go up North, there is really nothing like it and you really don’t expect it to be in Minnesota because in the city it is truly city life; then you get back of nowhere to farm land, to nothing again. But up north you get this woods, lake, and beautiful scenery. It had to be the lake for me, cause I finally saw the Horizon end, it’s what I’ve been looking for!

If you want to see more photos & I have lots check out the FB page (like it!) and instagram all at A City Girl Story 


My first Pride

On the bus back home from the most exciting day of all Sunday’s with my bestie, I mention how I should write a blog post about pride and she said I should. It’s not going to go into a ‘talk’ instead I am going to tell you about my experience. & sometimes that the best thing you can do.

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I never been to the Pride weekend events or saw the parade. My friends always went-I either was out of town or busy. So when I saw I wasn’t out of town or busy I had to go. I wanted to go and see it for myself, I wanted to be there to support. And experience what everyone talked about but you never really knew what it was like until you went.

Of course, I did my research, only taking a few woman’s studies that touched on LGBQT subjects, friends and hearing other people talk about it, I still want to be respectful. I didn’t want to be shocked than have my oh so expressive can’t hide it face be shocked. But I am 25 years old I know not to point and to be respectful. And I was told that MN pride festival is family friendly, just with more boobs and bums–which when there it felt normal, it felt right. More on this later.


My favorite part was the parade, it took awhile to start there was a protest (for black lives matter-respect). The people in the parade were still pretty entertaining. It allowed you to see more, get more out of it and even get up and dance with them (still standing on the side).  Who was there: EVERYONE it seemed!  Both our senators were, sadly only one party (to my knowledge, there were a lot of politicians there who I didn’t know). It is such an MN thing to be nice and with all that has been happening in MN and around the world (read the news) it’s nice to have that to know we are still MN nice and welcoming. All the different organisations, businesses, groups including religion and politics come to the parade. Showing their support that it is really about the people and who you are, not who they or anyone else wants you to be. I was sitting on the side having a ball, screaming sticker me, I fly DELTA, dancing along and just embracing it all. Years ago, I might not even think about going to the event like this or screaming out; I’d stay to myself. I was still was too scared to ask the cool girls with balloons on them for a picture or get a picture with Al Frankin.  But it still was enjoyable.

After the parade we went to the park were booths, shows and events were happening. We walked around the park, taking it all in. We were not going to any the events or doing any of the things, we were the go with the flow, let’s sit and watch this show, eat some mini doughnuts, chit chat, and walk around collecting stickers; people.

I am someone who likes to people watch, look around, and notice things; take in stories, learning, and wonder. And there was plenty of things to see that I’ve seen before or never seen in my life. But what I did see were people being who they are, not feeling uneasy or scared for who they are; because they knew this was a safe place so many others were doing the same that no one gave a shit! That’s what acceptance is. Sure some of it was a bit out there, but you looked shrugged it off and kept on cause they were being them–I loved that. I love that person shoes, their hair, the drag queen shows. I love how different everyone was, different groups from church to bikers to sex workers to recovering drug attics to gay men choir all in one place. This was what it was all about.  And I was so happy see all those people, all the colour around showing nothing but love.

I am straight I don’t know what it is like to be LGBTQ but I always try to understand, I am always welcoming. And here they were letting me into their community that was so colourful, wild, funny, glamours, and 100% love for who you are. Honestly, you had to be there. Processed with VSCO with hb2 preset


Spill it out: I don’t want to be a good influence.

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I don’t want to be a good influence because that’s too much pressure for me.

We all want to find something of ourselves in someone else, we find inspiration but we also find jealousy. I’ve had my experience of both.  We can’t help it but I think we should find more inspiration from others vs jealousy. Staying on track with how I don’t want to be a good influence. No one wants the there daughter to be dropping f-bombs but maybe they want someone their daughter can talk to, can give them advice. Giving inspiration and determination. And that is me.

No one is perfect, and I am far from it. I am 25 years old, not only do I swear, but I drink, I’ve gotten myself into situations I regret, I don’t eat my crust, I don’t listen, I’ve driven over the speed limit, I show more skin in winter & in summer and I talk back. I am a 25-year-old woman who is going to be a 25-year-old women. However, despite that I am someone girls can look up to. I understand my platform, I understand that people look up to me from the little one to my cousins to my peers. And I want them to. Because, as I grew up I didn’t really have that. I had a few but there was more I had to learn on my own or through friends that would be GREAT to have someone older to be there. Through blogging that’s my goal.


There are topics I wanted to talk about on here that I stepped away from; like this post was going to be something completely different but I deleted out of fear of what people may think. Not about me more out of consideration of how others may react, and opinions, negative ones. I never want to offend. There are topics and subjects that are hard to talk about, one’s that are seen shameful or make people bashful. I personally, don’t mind talking about the topics but I feel more awkward when I know others don’t. I also 100% worry of being called names or opinions from outside voices just cause of a topic. Which just makes me more want to talk about it.

This is life, these things are happening in our lives; and the more we don’t talk about them the more we will either feel shame or there won’t be a change. They won’t be a lesson learned or even understatement.

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So, I’m going to talk about some things; you might not like them you might not agree with them. Hey, thats how the world works and that is fine. But don’t shame or be mean to someone because of that. We hear/see it so often people comments, people being opinionated towards who we are, what we do etc in life and online.  Great fantastic– like the random people on the beach when I was having one of the most frustration moments of my nanny life with a dog and a ball telling me what to do–I will tell you what I told them–go away. I won’t be a good influence cause I will never meet others standers nor will I want to.

When I nannied the best feeling in the world was knowing that I impacted her (&him) vs verse to me as well. The moment she says she learned it from me even if it was “probably shouldn’t have taught her that” like “that’s my name don’t wear it out.” That honestly was the best feeling. I know I’m no one, nor do I want to be, but if I can change (impact) girls in a way that makes them into empowering, driven, independent girls who have no fear of being who they are. Then I will be happy.

What I will be isn’t a good influence but I will be someone to look up to.

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A day in life of a city girl living in a big city.

I wanted to write this so when someone stubbles on my blog they get a little more. Also this is in relations to a out of blue post I did called “Today was a good day”. This post really focuses on the contrast of life abroad to here. 

I wrote this post Today was a good day, after having this best friendly experience in Benefits and Only. I am someone who is just trying to find her place and feel important, like anyone else. and while living in Ireland I got a lot of that, while here not so much. It’s so go-go there is no time to learn someone’s name.


Like the other day I walk into Sephora and they were friendly but they weren’t going to sit down and be like lets do make up. Or booking something was so many hoops-two weeks in advance I understand but when asking to book it–honestly it didn’t feel easy it felt like a hassle basically. Compared to when I did it in Benefit after buying something it was like “how about this day” no problem. And even when one time it did screw up–I felt this unease frustrating, “not worthy” feeling and walked out. When I came back they felt so bad, they sat me down right away. And I was right back to feeling like this girl was my BFF again.


There was this sense of friendship and connections I made while living in Ireland like every place I went was “my place” (not in a childish that’s mine) but there was a sense of belonging.  While here I can’t tweet a local pub (bar) and even get a response, the person at a counter is trying to sell me something or spray perfume in my face. I go into coffee shops and they smile, but they smile at me. While living abroad having the bar tender know my name; or even have a conversation with me, being in a store and chatting with me, making friends on twitter or even having the library and Rearden’s interact with me on social media, not only made me feel good it is what made me go to them.   Now here it seems it’s just a place and I’m just a girl. Read Tody was a good day.


After living abroad, my mind really open up not only seeing what others saw but also experience other ways of living life. And I learned something. Here stores open at 10 and close at 9; stores abroad open by 9 and close by 6; you catch the bus, travel by train. Going to the local pub on a week day at 8 pm is normal.  Not saying Ireland or any place is perfect; what I’m saying is maybe they have the right idea of how to live and do life with being easy going and on the whole not tipping thing. What I’m really saying is….We are always in crowded places, stuck in rush hour traffic, trying to be the first one of  something or off the free way. Such a hustle and bustle. And that really is the main thing.


adayinlifeIt’s time to take our time, really have a conversation with the bar tender, get to know the person you randomly sat down next to, close down shops early, and really focus on what is important. I’m a city girl trying to find her place in this big place.





Let’s talk about mental health: a guide to getting yourself through.

I know it’s not mental health month anymore so I’m behind but I didn’t know if I wanted to write this or how I wanted to write this.

We all have our own mental health story but we all feel the same way towards it (maybe I don’t want to put anything on anyway);we don’t feel like ourselves, we feel silly after and seem crazy. But we aren’t. I never saw my mental health as an issue and personally, I never really talked about it cause I don’t want pity. So I would just brush it off like saying “i’m fine” and giving people nothing when they ask why. But here it is.

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I never realize I had mental health and need to take care of myself until I had a year that I call my dark time. Then I realize this was something I’ve been going through my whole life and needed not only take care of but also understand and know I have no shame towards it. For me, I have anxiety and depression. Also, my brain gets best of me and I have trouble handling things that lead to extreme outburst and panic attacks. And lately, my mental health has been challenged. So, I’ve been having more bad days and moments than good. Which is hard cause it not only reminds me of that dark time but also I know I’m a strong person and know what I can do; yet it seems to not be enough; the bad still keeps hitting me.

I’ve had two major moments where my mental health was at its worst at 10 years old and at 21. I’ve seen the worst, I have memories and feelings that come to me; reminding me. I know where bad is and I know how to get through it but also where I never want to end up. To make sure I don’t end up back in a “dark time” I do things, I keep myself motivated and filled with positives, I fuck the negativity and sometimes that included people and I have the BEST mother in the WORLD. I’ve tried therapy but my personality just didn’t fit. What do I do then? Well I created a list that I hope may help someone else who is going through some bad days, dark days. Below. Remember: you are strong & beautiful.

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How to get out of them is easier said than done but here is a list of things I do to get myself feeling better or good again.

List of things to do to help you through:

  • Take walks or get out of the house. Getting out of the house, getting some fresh air is the perfect way to have some time. Remember to breath in & out.
  • Disconnect from social media and your phone. Don’t look at phone especially if you wake up and you feel it’s going to be one of those days walk away from the phone
  • Do something that makes you feel good. Even if it’s taking a shower or brushing your hair.
  • Read more. I think grabbing that good book really can be a good distracting and let yourself go into a different world
  • Write. Either its dear diary scribbles on side of notes, or writing a story. Writing down can get those thoughts out of your head.
  • Go into your own little world. Put on the noise cancel headphones and listen to those songs that fill you with joy and happiness.
  • Take your camera and go chase some sunsets. Like the first one; I think the best way to get going especially when you feel it coming is to go on an adventure and take some pictures
  • Lay down. When I hit that point of a breakdown; my best thing I  do is just sit in my tub. ITs weird, I honestly sit there with my clothes on and just talk to myself. Like taking a relaxing bath just no water or clothes.
  • Workout. A lot of the time my energy is built up and I need to let it out so I work out.
  • Hang out with the people that know you and can really be there for you.
  • Take the evening to relax. Have one of those me time nights. Put on a face mask, some Gilmore Girls; keep your phone away, and just enjoy a relaxing night in.
  • Sleep and repeat.

These are things I do before the ‘storm’ during the storm, and after the storm; it really depends on how I’m feeling and what is going to be helpful in that moment. I know I’m the person when someone tells me “oh you’ll get over it” or anything that isn’t helpful just makes it worst. This list is a suggestion, some things you might not have tried and could work for you.  A lot of times you do (I do at least) feel silly cause after the storm you feel fine like what happen wasn’t even necessary. But, don’t feel stupid because what you went through and going through was necessary to get to the rainbow!

Mental health is a battle; sometimes it takes a day, sometimes it lasts a whole week. But keep going and try different things; don’t put yourself in a situation that are going to negatively affect you. And if something isn’t working, drop it and walk away. You may not feel like yourself but you’ll soon feel like yourself or a total new person!Processed with VSCO with hb2 preset

I find with blogging and being open like this I’m helping that little girl who didn’t understand what was going on in her head or that 20 something girl who needs to know someone out there understands. Talking about mental health breaks the stigma. What someone is going through is there’s. Reminder: you don’t know what someone is going through.  A lot of time people can say “they understand” when they really don’t. What we need to do is talk about them, be there for our friends and loved ones; to not run away but to be there, show support cause when they talk to you they don’t want pity what they want is to talk.   For the girls (&boys) going through the battle of mental health remember that you are strong every day!

I’m no professional I’m a girl who’s living and getting by with a war in her mind (did that rhyme that felt like it rhymed)


Disclaimer: I’m no way an expert, I never learned this in school, I’m not educated. Terms idk. And I’m taking from my perspective, what my mental health is and what I do. There is more to mental health then what I talking about. If you or someone you know are struggling with depression, mental illness, or suicidal thoughts, please reach out—to family, friends, mental health professionals, or crisis workers. In the United States and Canada, you can call the 24-hour, toll-free National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

My Story: Moving Back after living away for two years

I think it’s hard a lot of the times because I never expected myself to move back. And coming back after two years is not easy. Things I am going to talk about in this blog post are all personal. I also hope that these words will find others advise, strength, or themselves.


Missing What Was


I’m at the point of really missing my life I had for the past 2 years. I’m missing my usual places, friends especially human contact, to sit in a pub, walking, chasing sunsets and ability to hop on a bus and see sheep. I miss meeting people on nights out–I went out with my friend on St. Patricks day here, and it was different. No one was willing to talk to a stranger–a comment here and there in passing. Not having that night out, meeting people was weird and something I miss.

I am missing getting dressed up with out question, to feel like I wasn’t standing out, to doing things every day even if it was just a walk to the gym. I know it takes time and you really just got to keep trying, but I find myself not wanting to leave the house.

I guess when anyone moves away from your life you are going to feel this isolation and missing feeling.

Feeling Out of Place

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I liked living in Cork, the ability to walk everywhere, shopping was just a few blocks away. Go out my door and into a pub to have one, to watch the match, or sit to write with some coffee in the Roundy or the Raven. Now, I’m struggling to find my place in this hipster Minnesota. Going into the Twin Cities trying to find the right pub in a sea of breweries.  Trying to find a friendly face in a coffee shop or in a store.

It’s hard cause like I said I am from here. I should know where to go or what to do. But I never fitted into the “way of life” here. A lot of time it is the culture shock. Also, it seems if you didn’t go to high school with someone they don’t want to bother. The social life is different here, that’s for sure. I would never go downtown or to a club here. Going out seems pointless, really, because I don’t want to put on heels for a pub with 20 TVs and no one is going to even talk to you. I went to different things volunteering or blogging events–and even though they got me out of the house, the vibe wasn’t right. I am not the American girl in the village, I’m just the girl in the city. The girl who will says ‘grand’ still (sue me!).

Living in Ireland I felt in place. I go take a walk on the beach, work out on the beach, take a walk through the city with no worry I knew where to go, what to avoid and despite the occasional cat call I knew how to handle myself and speak up. Now I’m feeling uncomfortable.

I want to cover myself up and hide a lot of the times. I don’t feel confident, and my confidence in myself always helped me walk the streets on my own, always helped me ignore my anxious or feel out of place, it always helped me to be brave enough to give a look back.

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The weird part is I am a confident person yet right now my confidence is very low. Which is new to me and I am finding it hard to get out of, lack of a better word, “funk.” it is easy to get stuck like nothing can help you. You try to do anything like you try to write but you can’t your stuck. So how do you get out of this funk?

I’ve been very lucky, I don’t take any of the things I’ve done for granted. But when I look back at photos I missed that person I was and I don’t feel like her. Because I feel discouraging, frustrated, unease, isolation and out of place.

All anyone wants is to have is a life they are happy in, and feel happy too.

Personally I’m going through two dramatic changes in my life, moving and exiting school–you know the one where you are out of school trying to make it as an adult. And it’s really discouraging. I’m discouraging a lot of ways, not only in job related, but in my writing, in blogging, in photography, socially, adulting, in counting my change out at the register. And nothing anyone tells me helps. Except when I look to others I follow and watch who say exactly what I feel, and that is why I’m writing this.

Where do we go from here?

1e6dec070533b10d4539b0aa5838f3b2You could have had really good weeks of not feeling any struggle or hurt then have two weeks of feeling it all. So what do you do? For me personally, when I’m bored I am BORED. I can’t even write. It comes to a point where nothing is exciting and everything is boring.

Throw yourself into something is easier said then done. So like they tell you when you break up with someone, don’t go on social media, distract yourself, take care of yourself, and really don’t listen to the outside world. Surround yourself with people who don’t to tell you instead they are there and listen. Keep your days busy, plan them out, leave the house (even if you don’t want to), do something different. Keep trying even if the bar or coffee shop didn’t work out, try another. Feeling like a total failure, put on that “regret me dress” and know you are worth it! Out of place and no one is approachable, join something, don’t wait to be invited invite yourself–and if your anxiety comes or the culture shock is shocking just step away and regroup. Wearing make up, putting on heels, saying grand this is who you are now–who cares if it doesn’t fit with the surroundings!

And most importantly do something to make you happy <<< that’s best advise I ever got & the person who said that to me was 5.

Your working towards your goals and dreams. To get yourself back to the person you where. You really will never forget and will always feel the connection between that place/person, for me Ireland and my friends. You’ll just get to a point where you are not missing but remembering. Things will get there it just takes time (i hate that as well no worries) but I do hope me writing will let you know your not alone. To feel understood.


I wrote this to tell MY story to tell people what it’s like to be in my shoes.