Black Friday Sale!

Such GREAT DEALS for this Holiday Season!

ebadbaa91e210b5d64c1c5fc314ec275-1Ever since moving back, I began to take note of how there a lot of advertisement and there seems to be an excuse for a SALE. Columbus day SALE, Mother’s day SALE. The joke I gave is Ireland has Bank Monday’s it’s an excuse to drink while State Side excuse to have a SALE. And the biggest sale of all is Black Friday. For so many years the Black Friday Sale would start on Thanksgiving. A day where you should be with your family but instead, you have people working and others participating. It’s our own fault we go, we buy thus companies, marketing will keep going. We are the consumer after all. I think that’s the only economic concept I took from my high school class.

Thanksgiving has become such a messy holiday with Black Friday Sales. I think this ruined Thanksgiving for me, for the fact people would rush from their dinners to go shopping, to buy the best deal on TV. I get it a really good deal, but like do I really have to spell it out for you?!?! I personally don’t think anything should be open on Thanksgiving even in the evening, maybe grocery stores but only for the morning. But it isn’t even Thanksgiving. Its how we are watching more ads then the show, how bloggers talk about sales, and we just keep spending. Or what about with social media with sponsorships. I have nothing against #ads, especially when you know they got to get their money somehow and you know the person would never like do something that they wouldn’t like–you would know if they were that kind of people (trust me).

But, it seems to be like every post (forget that everyone is standing on the street wearing clothes and calling them a fashion blogger), everything someone does is with something. And it feels like a lot of the time I’m in a world of advertisement and perfectly placed items with perfect words. Wonder why I couldn’t get the whole businesses side of my advertisement class or even want t take more than intro because MY GOD it’s so boring!! I turn on my TV there is an ad, I go on my computer put on youtube, Spotify MORE ADS, ADS, ADS, ADS. Like I said I get its good for the economy and such, I get things need to be paid for, people need to make money. but does it have to be this bad?

I realized I would never be able to go into advertisement because I would never be able to conform to what advertisements need to do to SELL. Kind of like how I will never be the definition of a blogger.

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Part 5: those messages girls get

I’ve held onto this one for awhile, and its a hard one, and I don’t want to get in the wrong either. This Bad Date is not going to be funny, the word dick pic will be used A LOT and that’s my ‘warning’ if you don’t want to read. 

Bad Dates Series A city Girl Story

In the wake of women standing  and speaking up against sexual harassment and sexual assault, what’s happening in Hollywood, everywhere else, in #metoo and recently one of my favourite bloggers Frassy called out the creepy men that message her; and me fearing to share my stuff because I “know” what will happen but all I want to do is be creative. So it’s time to talk about those catcalling, dick pics, and those messages you get from guys.

If a guy says something or does something that is offensive I’m going to call  him out and hope he apologizes- they usually don’t. If a guy is going to grab my butt, I will kick him. And suddenly I’m the bad person?? Once I watch a guy reach, a foot away, with his hand going for a girl under her skirt. I slapped it so fast and screamed NO! For some beeping reason, guys think this is okay to say, touch, do, message girls. I was listening to the podcast called Its Galz (when I got this idea for this post-MONTHS AGO) which talked about those demeaning, sexualised,  messages girls get FROM STRANGERS. They talked about how guys think just because a girl posted a cute, sexy selfie or snap doesn’t mean you can DM her and start sending crude rude messages to her. It happens, and with dating, it happens, way too often. You kind of wonder if there is actually a decent guy out there who isn’t going to send you a picture and you know exactly what it is before you even open it.

Don’t you take it as a compliment? a guy asked me on a date once.

We are taught to take it as a compliment. That when a guy wants to “fuck you on that bed” that this is a good thing. When you are trying to get to know a guy and all he is  wanting is to meet you up for the night, drive around in his car, calls you at 4 am in the morning waking you up from your sleep to “come over.” Sending you dick pics after your having a nice conversation. I once got a dick pic from a guy who took it under the desk while still in the library. I sent a message back saying “did you seriesly just send me that, while you are in the library?” AND HE DID IT AGAIN!!

IS SO MESSED UP! For god sakes, I didn’t ask you to send me a picture of your dick that I thought was your elbow! That random hi you get from a stranger in your DMS turns to him wanting your number. And when you tell him no, your the bad guy? Here’s a tip  for those guys: fuck off, keep your dick in your pants, and stopppp! No girl has asked for anything, no girl or anyone post or is talking to you for you the creepy guy who thinks its okay to be so DISGUSTING. That is sexual harassment, and in 2017 you really should stop.

Girls, its not our fault.

You posted that selfing because you posted it after you felt good about yourself and their comments belittle you down like your nothing. HOW DARE THEY! Pull a 180 after talking about joining you for a walk with their dog sending half-naked pictures of himself in the mirror like damn he had abs but like really we were having a nice conversation then you send me that video? But I saw it, and I couldn’t believe you SENT THE EXACT SAME one like was it saved or something??? There is so much a girl can fake with guys but when it comes to those messages, pictures, words, and actions. You can’t fake or go along with any longer.

A guy sending his dick isn’t flattery it’s degrading. Sending her messages out of the blue, telling her how she looks makes your horny, is horror. It sure isn’t sweet or romantic.  Thinking the way to a girls heart or to her bedroom is to talk down to her, make her feel worthless or feel worth it but then make her feel like scum. That is not okay, and we girls deserve better than this. We are more than a body to fuck and we are more than just something to look at; we are more than those pointless snaps of your dick!

Girls, don’t be afraid to speak your mind, to tell the guy who said you look fuckable to fuck off, don’t take those DMs or those catcalls as a compliment. Because it is harassment. I have this t-shirt that says “not yours”  and I wear it with pride because I’m sure in hell, not yours to honk at.

When you’re dating a guy what do you do when he does become a dick of a creep sending you pictures, and talking “dirty” but it isn’t dirty it’s degrading.

I think with online dating, social media, a guy asking you for your snap, ability to send pictures, DMS– that we don’t have to be smart about it we ALREADY ARE smart about it. That if they’re not going to teach boys we will!! To tell the guy you know what I didn’t ask for that dick pick and I showed all my friends & we had a great laugh. Hit the block button, say goodbye, and know if your dating a guy and all he’s doing is sending you dick picks and changing the subject into something sexual the guy’s a pig.

Not all guys are like this, people have their thoughts on “all” but I know decent guys, I was raised by one, the issue is that this has happened too many times, and it’s a big issue and it HAS BEEN. It just happens #metoo, the stories in the news, and more women calling out guys that FINALLY action might be taken place. Women/girls just want to feel free to be themselves and they really can’t when they share a picture and a guy comments saying “you have really blue eyes *wink(” And all I can say is “thanks I got them from my dad”.

There are so many stories out there, that are bigger than those message girls get, and for any girl (&boy) who has been taking advantage of, sexually harassed, sexually assaulted it is not your fault, it’s not my fault either. For the ones who shared their story, you bring change and voices to so many people. I hope one day we can live without this shame and blame of the victim and stop asking “what she was wearing.”

P.S for the guys (lads) we need you to teach, stand up, and go agents. Ask yourself where are you and where will you be on this issues?

I couldn’t hold onto this post any longer and I really do hope I did this post justice.

 

On my mind: No need to explain yourself

Let me explain how I’m not going to explain myself anymore & a question I’ve been asking myself with Instagram. 

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I have always been an open book and an explainer, every since I was little. I would tell people everything, I’d announce not that I have to go to the bathroom but that I have to pee. I would explain a lot of things to people, mostly out of fear of assumptions and being misunderstood. But, over the last few months now I found myself stopping. Why should we have to explain ourselves really?

I  use to write status all the time about what was happen, in “on this day” I wrote “out and about” A LOT. I explained so much in status, which then went to twitter, then when blogging went to explaining whats been happening–like you actually care, like what I am saying is sooo important it’ll change your life. It won’t I’m not an idiot. But why do I do it? Maybe in hopes someone would care or out of fear no one would actually care. Here’s the thing people who do care know and the people who don’t don’t matter. Half the time people only care what your doing if your doing it wrong. 

So I am going to stop explaining myself. Because half the time its not needed and other time you are just trying to defend yourself to someone who has already made up their mind. I like to say make your assumptions you’ll be the ass. A challenge I like you to take is to stop yourself from explaining, stop yourself for telling, stop yourself for writing that twitter or status. See what happens.

I’ve been questioning blogging  especially blogging with instagram

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This whole month of October started out with being burnt out having to work two jobs, feeling so out of the loop and not feeling like I was doing GREAT with blogging. In my update after a year being back I said how I want to write. But after seeing my Stats and traffic with my blog–I wonder if blogging is worth it.

I really enjoy the little place I made on Instagram through blogging that I would have never done if I didn’t, I met some really cool people through it too.  However, there’s been this down slide of things where there is no engagement, traffic coming from to my blog I aim to get never happens. For none bloggers — its like that you shared this amazing thing on S.M and when you go back no one or your mom has liked it. It’s like that.  This is why I try to engage with other bloggers because I know thats what they want and know the feeling when it doesn’t happen.

Writing comes easy to me, I have endless ideas, my draft box is full-but to make sure they’re GREAT the time I put in them to make sure there is no mistakes is A LOT. I stress over content, figuring out how to promo it, I check my status, I see if anyone has commented/liked, etc.  For what, to realize no one is reading it, it hurts.

It is harder to get people to read your stuff, I get it–I find it hard to sit down and read to I’ve always had and when its online well you get into your circle of scrolling. I’m not here for the attention or the likes–I never been that person and to be honest I really never expected this many people to follow my blog SO I AM GRATEFUL sometimes a little overwhelmed.

Blogging isn’t my job but its more than a hobby.  I’m putting so much stress into blogging while working two jobs, & all that work into three different directions is HARD. That I wonder if I’m not getting the traffic and the connections I made are getting strain just like my friendships. It sucks to be 5,000 miles away. My BFF told me it would be a shame for me to get ride of my insta after all that progress, able to see my life journey over the past few years.

It’s selfish for me to stay here, but the point is I love it, I enjoy it–I enjoy it more then my actual personal accounts. Another con to keep instagram blog is fact that there is a game I’m not willing to play but I adresses that here.

 

They only care when you’re doing something wrong // but she was doing it all right ||  

Try putting everything I’ve seen, I’ve felt myself , what others have told me in this. 

They have something to say about how you dress, the colour of your hair. The tattoo on your body, that nose ring in your nose. Fact you speak up but your only really doing it for the likes. Or they call you a bitch for being honest. They leave you comments saying you’re too thick because you aren’t a size two.  Like what they say about you means something, it defines who you are–but that is bullshit.

Here she is being herself and they think what they have a say. That they can just belittle, bully her down, say mean things for what?! For their own stratification, because they don’t like what they see in the reflection. Because it doesn’t agree with them and their own style. Because all she is doing is being herself, but they don’t like it. They will only care when she is doing something wrong. But here’s the thing, she is doing everything right.

IT would be so easy to be like everyone else, to do what everyone else is doing, to conform, to stay silent, to follow the rules of the road, but that is no fun. And worst of all to fear backlash, comments, dislike, or opinions by strangers or people she knows only hurting herself. To lower herself, to be what they want to be is the worst.

…..

Care  but don’t care about peoples opinions. 

Follow a city girl story on instagram

Also today is #internationalgirlsday the blog post is on FB page. 

For the girl who need the reminder of the importance of confidence in herself.

You are feeling discourage in yourself and wanting it all to stop but you don’t know how. So you spend the day in bed questioning everything instead of taking action because every time you take action you are reminded by so much.  You look in the mirror and you see it all; you see your flaws, you see what they might see, you can’t unseen it. And it gets to you. You began to feel unhappy but you’re not sad, your something else. You do not feel that confidence you once felt.

Happiness doesn’t come for things you have. You can go on a shopping spree and it can make you happy but only for a second.  Happiness is how you feel about yourself & if you don’t feel that than what happens? You’re good, you’re breathing it’s just that life has become a little  frustration. Things are getting to you and you began to go down and you get discourage.

You are feeling that fear of failure in yourself and start to see it more and more, that your losing the important parts of life.

 

You’re going to get a little lost, your going to question not only things but yourself, you’re going to get a lot of no’s, your going to get those looks and you just want to get there. You wish people stop talking and telling you things and start handing you the directions you need. You need those words to tell you exactly what you need to hear. So here they are. If we stop questioning ourselves, letting these things frustrating us and making us feel discourage (easier said then done) that we will soon be feeling like ourselves again, we will laugh spontaneous, we will look in the mirror and there you will be. 

hm top grunge pruple lip creative thought lookbookNot loving yourself won’t get you anywhere, it will be hard especially when you’re questioning yourself after a something that effects you so hard, you’re feeling out of place, your feeling the weight of the world, you see your future and your scared, you feel stuck.  And each time you come back to yourself and feeling like your not enough. You need to know you are worth it despite not meeting the demands of others, not having the enough experience. You’re will and confidence in yourself will shine through the heartbreak or hurt. And you will find yourself where you need to be.

Put that effort in yourself again. Where the discourage you felt will turn into confidence. You will feel worth of who you are when you look at yourself, when you walk in a room, you will know despite not looking or acting like everyone else you belong here. That person you’ve been missing will be in front of you again.

And you will soon find yourself without realising in the place you’ve been struggling to get to.

 

 

 

P.S I’m not going to tell you that it will all work out in the end, or when you get to the point you will have the closet full of shoes, maybe you will. Who knows!?

To my friends

National Friendship day & I thought I write to my friends.

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To my friends I never thought I have, I am so lucky to have you.

I always new friends were what makes life great, but I seemed to never find the right ones. Until I met you. The moment we met, that one thing that bonded us together weather it was a night out, a scarf, me saying “hi” to you, a topic of conversation or fact we were roommates; it is was the start of our friendship. Those random moments were you let us sit down and we were friends by the end of the night. The friends that made me feel wanted like the time I was in my room and I got a message from you to come on over to watch Iron Man. To the girls I could talk to about anything, texting you none stop about the random things and the OMG moments. When I mention “the bus guy” you know which guy I am talking about. You know everything. The time I needed you the most, to just be distracted, to not talk about anything, to let me sit in silence, giving me a floor to sleep on when I was too drunk to go home. The spins around dancing and sining, welcoming me in your already formed group, creating life time of memories. Teaching me how to put on tan, doing my make up before I was going to have to talk to a boy. Me running to you after I talk to a boy. Giving me advise and vis versa.  To the road trips we had and the long talks in the car, you were the one that listen. And even if we weren’t that close of friends, we were still friends. Saying hi to me in passing, calling me Yank because that was our thing. If I was sitting by myself you wouldn’t ignore you would say hi. That despite the sexual tension or the history of who kissed who we were still could hang out, meet at the coffee shop, text every once in awhile, sit in my bedroom watching a movie chit chatting about our winter holidays. Commenting on pictures, have a little conversation that even though we only met once and weren’t definition of friendship we were friends. On a night out, you didn’t allow me to join, it just happen because we were friends and that’s what friends do. They see each other and end up having the bants and a great night out together. They tease each other, they have inside jokes.  The friends you never thought would happen, on Twitter, on social media, turns out you can be friends.  You are the ones can get on with, the ones were it is so easy to just be me around you with not hesitation, no worry, no problem. A friend you can hang out with, even the opposite sex. A friend whom might not even know it but means the world to you, because of that one night.

There is not explanation, even if I could, there are only those moments that explain it. Sitting in a beer garden with a couple of beers, chit chatting as you say “we be lucky to have you” to when all my friends I went out with went home and I felt find staying with you guys because we were friends and I never had that before, to the ones you can share a bathroom stall with. There are some bad times that is for sure but we don’t hold them agents each other, we ride them out, we talk them out, we get it because we know each other. We can get mad because we are human and we can’t always be nice. And that’s what makes a friendship. The tears down our faces shows what we really mean to each other. The distance never changed anything, the time apart never broke us, we were still wanting the best for each other, we were still there wandering about each other. We are still friends.

I never needed a group of friends, I only needed friends. And I have many, from high school lifers, to east coaster’s, to the house 44, to the village, to the boy down the road (it rhymed), to the lads who make me laugh, to the instant friends , to the guys, to my gang of friends, to pooh bear, to my college buds, to my “she doesn’t know but we are friends”, to my Food buddies, to my BFF, to my love. To the people I call friends–once your friend with me, we are friends for life.

Your Friend,13329358_10154052280143463_5138318605233107289_o

Kole.

 

 

 

Spilled Ink: How to feel like you have privacy in a public setting

In the times where vlogging and sharing your everyday life how does one stay private?

Sharing everything is how people do things now. We share things for people to know what is happening and to share our excitement. We are sharing so much that our privacy becomes public. Putting yourself out there is like putting a piece of you out there. Even in a private setting your putting yourself out there. But focusing on blogging and the question of privacy….

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Again and again, I have moments where I don’t want to blog. I don’t want to write a city girl story or tell my story despite it is something I love and really enjoy doing because of scam accounts and creepiness. I think that is why I want to find a career to write for other things so I won’t feel so ‘exposed’. But even if I had a career I would keep doing this CAUSE I LOVE It.

Anyways the other day my moment of “I want to go private I want to delete everything” came again when I found an inappropriate account following my blog on bloglovin and there was no block button. The first thing I thought was I didn’t want this associated with my blog, I didn’t want them to see what I write or share EVEN though I control and edit what I say.  Seeing those spam and scam accounts seeing what I’m putting out, strangers is scary thing. Another example is when I was in Dublin I did ask what people suggestions on what to see or if any bloggers that live want to meet up (next time personally message them) BECAUSE I got a request message from a guy who didn’t follow me asking me out, I stocked him naturally he did live in Dublin still CREEPY. I’m very quick at the block button, very quick at figuring out if its creepy at all. I’ve heard worst stories of guys messaging girls and all I can say is, because this can easily be a whole different blog post, is  random ass guys message girls like what gives you this idea to do that. Even if it is a harmless hey–its still some strange ass dude with a private account. It feels violating.

This isn’t my first time experiencing this feeling, I’ve had my experience before social media even exist. And I’ve seen others ask strangers to add them on snapchat. Like how unsafe is that.  And having these things pop up, getting those messages, having them see my stuff–really makes me feel unease. I have some of my social media so far hidden that no one can find me.  When being a blogger or being public with your stuff, there is no hiding. I limit myself, I don’t post selfies, I see who’s following me, who’s seeing my stuff which can be very bad but its also a safety thing for me. I want to do more with blogging, do videos on instagram story but the more expose I get the more scams, creepiness or even harassment–I once had two little lads comment with emojis tagging there mates–I responded then blocked them cause NO! I will not have that, I’m not some side walk.

The important thing is we have to tech how to deal with social media. About being smart, aware, and  know there are things out there you shouldn’t post or even respond–I didn’t respond to any of those messages I get. However, I still feel violated & exposed-wanting to pull back.  when this robot or actual people pop up like this. Either way you have to keep in mind how much you want to share and who will see it. It’s not just about screening calls anymore the world and technology have advanced too much.

And for those private accounts, you have, well there private for reasons. Those should be yours.