Let’s talk about mental health: a guide to getting yourself through.

I know it’s not mental health month anymore so I’m behind but I didn’t know if I wanted to write this or how I wanted to write this.

We all have our own mental health story but we all feel the same way towards it (maybe I don’t want to put anything on anyway);we don’t feel like ourselves, we feel silly after and seem crazy. But we aren’t. I never saw my mental health as an issue and personally, I never really talked about it cause I don’t want pity. So I would just brush it off like saying “i’m fine” and giving people nothing when they ask why. But here it is.

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I never realize I had mental health and need to take care of myself until I had a year that I call my dark time. Then I realize this was something I’ve been going through my whole life and needed not only take care of but also understand and know I have no shame towards it. For me, I have anxiety and depression. Also, my brain gets best of me and I have trouble handling things that lead to extreme outburst and panic attacks. And lately, my mental health has been challenged. So, I’ve been having more bad days and moments than good. Which is hard cause it not only reminds me of that dark time but also I know I’m a strong person and know what I can do; yet it seems to not be enough; the bad still keeps hitting me.

I’ve had two major moments where my mental health was at its worst at 10 years old and at 21. I’ve seen the worst, I have memories and feelings that come to me; reminding me. I know where bad is and I know how to get through it but also where I never want to end up. To make sure I don’t end up back in a “dark time” I do things, I keep myself motivated and filled with positives, I fuck the negativity and sometimes that included people and I have the BEST mother in the WORLD. I’ve tried therapy but my personality just didn’t fit. What do I do then? Well I created a list that I hope may help someone else who is going through some bad days, dark days. Below. Remember: you are strong & beautiful.

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How to get out of them is easier said than done but here is a list of things I do to get myself feeling better or good again.

List of things to do to help you through:

  • Take walks or get out of the house. Getting out of the house, getting some fresh air is the perfect way to have some time. Remember to breath in & out.
  • Disconnect from social media and your phone. Don’t look at phone especially if you wake up and you feel it’s going to be one of those days walk away from the phone
  • Do something that makes you feel good. Even if it’s taking a shower or brushing your hair.
  • Read more. I think grabbing that good book really can be a good distracting and let yourself go into a different world
  • Write. Either its dear diary scribbles on side of notes, or writing a story. Writing down can get those thoughts out of your head.
  • Go into your own little world. Put on the noise cancel headphones and listen to those songs that fill you with joy and happiness.
  • Take your camera and go chase some sunsets. Like the first one; I think the best way to get going especially when you feel it coming is to go on an adventure and take some pictures
  • Lay down. When I hit that point of a breakdown; my best thing I  do is just sit in my tub. ITs weird, I honestly sit there with my clothes on and just talk to myself. Like taking a relaxing bath just no water or clothes.
  • Workout. A lot of the time my energy is built up and I need to let it out so I work out.
  • Hang out with the people that know you and can really be there for you.
  • Take the evening to relax. Have one of those me time nights. Put on a face mask, some Gilmore Girls; keep your phone away, and just enjoy a relaxing night in.
  • Sleep and repeat.

These are things I do before the ‘storm’ during the storm, and after the storm; it really depends on how I’m feeling and what is going to be helpful in that moment. I know I’m the person when someone tells me “oh you’ll get over it” or anything that isn’t helpful just makes it worst. This list is a suggestion, some things you might not have tried and could work for you.  A lot of times you do (I do at least) feel silly cause after the storm you feel fine like what happen wasn’t even necessary. But, don’t feel stupid because what you went through and going through was necessary to get to the rainbow!

Mental health is a battle; sometimes it takes a day, sometimes it lasts a whole week. But keep going and try different things; don’t put yourself in a situation that are going to negatively affect you. And if something isn’t working, drop it and walk away. You may not feel like yourself but you’ll soon feel like yourself or a total new person!Processed with VSCO with hb2 preset

I find with blogging and being open like this I’m helping that little girl who didn’t understand what was going on in her head or that 20 something girl who needs to know someone out there understands. Talking about mental health breaks the stigma. What someone is going through is there’s. Reminder: you don’t know what someone is going through.  A lot of time people can say “they understand” when they really don’t. What we need to do is talk about them, be there for our friends and loved ones; to not run away but to be there, show support cause when they talk to you they don’t want pity what they want is to talk.   For the girls (&boys) going through the battle of mental health remember that you are strong every day!

I’m no professional I’m a girl who’s living and getting by with a war in her mind (did that rhyme that felt like it rhymed)


Disclaimer: I’m no way an expert, I never learned this in school, I’m not educated. Terms idk. And I’m taking from my perspective, what my mental health is and what I do. There is more to mental health then what I talking about. If you or someone you know are struggling with depression, mental illness, or suicidal thoughts, please reach out—to family, friends, mental health professionals, or crisis workers. In the United States and Canada, you can call the 24-hour, toll-free National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

The Girl that is letting herself go (plus OTTD)

This is a creative thoughtful post- I’ve done these before and I like them. But to mix it up I added a little OTTD to go along with it. 

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You do not exist anymore and I’m letting myself go.

 Looking back I wonder what girl was I to you. The girl you spent a few nights with. The  girl who you spent  months with road tripping. Knowing who you were and who I was with you. The conversations we had, the nights we spend together. Was I the girl I thought I was to you.

The girl who was your best friend. The girl you to talk to at the end of the night. The girl who let you be whoever you wanted to be. Let you go off with your friends; she wouldn’t care. The girl you adored. The girl who only wanted your company but that was too much to ask. I wasn’t that girl to you.

But, you weren’t the guy either. The guy that gave reassurance and confidence, saying “fuck them” when I couldn’t.  The guy I felt like me around you. A guy where I didn’t think twice about how to act around. A proud man for you got that girl that every guy could have had. A78D585F-9D3F-4219-82A8-7D5F616676C4FC2A6896-3B81-4267-BB36-535E8C1CC16C

You lost that girl. You lost her when you walked right out at 3am like it was that easy. You lost her the minute you decided to call her up to talk for hours, making her feel like you were back. But then you turned around and gave her the thumbs up. You lost her the minute you decided she was not worth the fight. You lost her when you made her feel so damn worthless.  You lost her when she realize she shouldn’t be treated like that. I’m that girl.E64E4B54-8C3A-434A-96BB-C35903F0DF67 (1)

I’m that girl and it’s the girl you could never had. I’m done missing the guy you never were. Because to be the guy you were to me, I had to be that girl to you. So I’m letting myself go from you, from all of you.  You do not exist anymore and I’m letting myself go.

Because, I’m not that girl, anymore.

Processed with VSCO with hb2 presetOutfit details:

Jumper: Zara (months old)

Jeans: Topshop (Jamie Jeans)

Fish tights: Pennys

Booties: Nostrums

necklace: forever 21 (years ago)

Hair: Lo’real colour-purple

Let me know if you liked it below. 

Top 10 List of things to help you get to loving yourself

First, let me say this for my own sake and for others to not assume, I am completely utterly in love with myself and honestly do not care what others think. But, there was a time that I wasn’t like this and there were moments where I did not feel like this. It’s called being human.
Now, I am not going to say my personal stories or what I had to go through/deal with when I was trying to be accepted, loved, included by others who were not meant to (I say meant because of the typical “you’re my parents you have to). For anyone it is hard, especially with technology (I will keep saying this) to find happiness in one self. You can find it but it can be hard to hold onto it, not because you are sad or depressed (in most cases), it’s just things can happen and the strong feelings of confidence, love for yourself becomes lost in all of your emotions.
There are some days when I could be down and then in a snap say “who cares, I am awesome and I know it” (not exactly those words). But, for anyone who does have those moments, days, weeks, or even months of feeling isolated, hurt, or angry, don’t let it win. Hold onto your confident voice, and scream to muzzle the sound.
In doing that I came up with a list of things to help get that voice screaming:

1   Journal: Writing is my passion; but it has only been the last few years when I started to journal. I use to do it all the time when I was younger. I found the old pages and to be honest I don’t even remember what I wrote “remember this..” But it honestly helps to just write whatever is on your mind. It’s personal, you’re talking to yourself and basically building yourself up because you will find yourself in the end and will say FORGET this, I am fantastic.
2  Be active: Try not to sit around and do nothing because you will only get more lost in your thoughts. Get up and do something, it can be walking, working out, even window shopping.
3  Be artistic: Sometimes I find myself drawing, collaging, or  doing some sort of craft; it focuses my attention on other things.
4  Text that person: Text that one person you know who will wanna talk; try not to discuss what’s been driving you mad or making you feel this way, instead talk about something else. Talk about them.
5  Delete things: Just take away the things that are causing the issue, the things that are not helping you feel any better. Either if it’s deleting an app or just removing it from your home page. Just make it harder to get to.
6  Dress up: Okay, sorry for any boys, but playing dress up ALWAYS make me feel better; from doing my make up to doing my hair, and trying on clothes. Best feeling in the world.
7  Blast that music: Blast that rock, loud, hard music either in your ears or through out your room.
8  Do something by yourself: I find if I can do something on my own my confidence builds. It could be as easy as seeing a movie.
9  Plan an adventure:  I become more excited when I plan an adventure or a trip. It’s that feeling of I could honestly run, do something with my life. 
10 Remind yourself that you are perfectly imperfect and today, this moment is just one of the lows. Build that bridge and burn it down because you are a fantastic person who should walk down the streets with every step having a point.

    Spill it out: Being Like vs “like”

    Social Media has changed how we live our lives and sometimes it can have very negative affect. We always cared about being liked, but now with social media, words like “instagram-famous,”  it’s a whole different kind of desire to be liked and it’s very hard as a blogger and a every day girl. 

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    Do you ever get this frustrating feeling like everything you do now has to be valued by others?  What determines how GREAT a blog post, pictures of graduations,  or a status on going to a movie? Does it not mean anything if a post does not get at least get 50 likes. Maybe it’s because we live in a digital age where our lives are exposed–but remember: only some have heard and only a few actually know.

    We worry so much about being liked physically and by a button. We care about how many followers we have on instagram to snapchat, how many friends we have on Facebook. Is it worth putting ourselves out there to be liked and followed because with those ‘likes’ also comes no likes and feelings of rejection.

    Digit age has affect our lives. It’s weird but this is how our lives our lived now–online.  Social media and likes, counting the number of friends online is unhealthy. We shouldn’t care about being liked, but instead care about being respected, cared for and appreciated for who YOU are.

    That “like” isn’t real.

    The like and sometimes what we see in the picture isn’t what’s real.

    I am guilty to this as well in my blogging and personally. But, I’m not blogging for the likes, I’m doing it for myself.  I am doing it cause I want to bring imperfection to the world.  But, I still want to be liked, naturally. When I post a status I get worried that I am “too much,” that some how that “like” will give me satisfaction or validation. I’ve been told by a guy that I was annoying, that he had to put up with me, so I had to put up with his burping in my face. Thus, I began to worry more. It took a lot of effort to say “fuck it, I’m sharing these pictures because I want to for me not for anyone else.” I’m not going to post “everything” I’m going to share what I want and others can think what they want. But, when I started blogging, I began to feel the same need to be liked and began struggling with it. I stressed because over followers, likes I was getting, the status of my post, how well a post was doing, and the unfollowing. When really it shouldn’t determine my worth and my ability to be a good writer/blogger. Worrying about being liked is a so unhealthy and is why I want to write this post.

    As a blogger I want readers/followers that like what I put out and connect with my blog post and captions and/or photographs on my instagram. I don’t want someone to follow me or like the picture to get my attention or to just follow them. A lot of time it can feel like people are playing a game with you just to get those likes and followers. You say you want originality but you keep the fake accounts? What if you don’t connect with what they shared, you don’t agree with it, or it’s just not you.What good does that do anyone?! And if someone I follow, follows me back, I do get happy because that means they took time to read and saw what I was doing. They may have thought “hey we are on the same wave length.”

    Liking a blog post, comments or responding to bloggers or post is good. Feed back is always important and likes, comments, etc are ways of giving feedback. Positive or negative–take the negative unless its direct at you personal–as room to grow! For me as a blogger to do a give away it’s not in my nature to be like “asking” for followers. Not saying for bloggers who do it isn’t bad thing it’s just not me. But a lot of times I ask myself where is the real in blogging anymore?!?! 

    Note: When I network or connect with other bloggers or followers, I never say follow me. I talk to them like they are my friend, like we are drunk girls in the bathroom. I also take notice in who is following me and if I think we could easily be friends in IRL I follow back and comment to get to know, connect, and become friends. I might not do it right a way, but it takes a few times especially online before you realize this girl/boy is totally my bestie, or squad material.

    For my non-blog-related posts I find it more satisfying when I post something and my friends who like it know the story behind that post. Remember just because you get all those likes all those numbers  doesn’t actually give you validation or worth. And it can make you feel good but only for a second, because at the end of the day all you have is yourself and the people who know what actually happened.  What really matters is who’s answering us and who’s there. That is when you know who’s in your life is real. Having the people who support you and know what’s happening in your life, who see what you are doing digitally but know what you are actually doing.  We want someone who’s going to like it for they know what’s behind your online message. Other’s are just guessing.

    Just Remember:

    It is better to be liked for who you are then what others want you to be; and if they don’t like you for who you are or what you put out via instagram, snapchat story, or status. Your not getting the “likes” fuck it–your worth isn’t determined by that.





    Top 6 Tips to be Summer Ready

    memorial weekend is here; I haven’t had one in three summers and back in high school it  meant summer was almost here thus it was time to get “summer ready”. Here are some city girl tips on how to be summer ready…


    If you been watching pop TV shows, reading magazines, or blogs you will be seeing a lot of summer ready themed things. For me I never got summer ready it just meant I could wear shorts and sit outside and drink a cider. Life felt a lot more exciting and thrilling with summer. And those phrases like “summer body” or “getting swim suit ready” never really clicked with me but for someone else they could have–and not so positive either. Add those phrases that society needs to delete. Some may joke about getting summer body ready or how they will eat a pizza no matter what–some might not actually be joking. We all want to feel good in ourselves and our skin and its not just a seasonal thing either. But since summer is here and we are going to the beach or cabin more here are some top 6 tips on getting for “summer read” the self positive way…

    Top 6 Tips to be Summer Ready

    1. My number one is to do something that makes you  feel good in your skin; if thats working out or eating. I am not one for diets; yes I don’t eat meat anymore but thats for health reasons. I always tell people is if you don’t feel good do something about it.  That is what I did; I started to work out, I stop drinking soda. Summer we are a little bit more exposed and we don’t want to feel unease with ourselves thus to be able to wear that killer swim suit  we need to feel good while wearing that. #1 do something to make you feel good in your own skin!
    2. Get your hair done! Summer is the time where I go get my hair done. There is nothing like having someone do your hair! I do it three times a year at best. I go in do the whole thing and I just feel like a totally new person and feel good for my hair is looking good. A new hair cut or colour is the key to that summer girl you are wanting to become.
    3. Less make up. In this heat you are going to get sweaty and make up is just going to drain from your face. Plus, being in the sun really helps your skin and you don’t want a huge layer blocking that. Put on the SPF some litter make up and let your natural beauty shine. The feeling good will come with less make up!
    4. Spend more time outside. For 8 months of the year we are inside because its too cold so spend as much time outside as possible even if its sitting reading. Sitting outside enjoy the day, the wind, the sun will honestly make you feel good cause there is nothing like fresh air!
    5. Socialize! Weekends are not only time to go and do something; you can easily do something during the week as well. It doesn’t even have to be drinking; thus one is fine. Being around people honestly brings the summer together and also really gets you motivated and confident. Good Energy!
    6. Take care of yourself! Spending a lot of time in the sun and outside can really tire a person out and  sure the tan not only looks good but makes you feel good it can also dry you out. Drink water, eat a lot of fruit, and take cold showers. Because even though its summer and there is something about summer sun, the ability to be outside, beer gardens you suddenly are in this summer bubble of happiness you still need to take care of yourself.

    There is something definitely about summer that brings you to cloud 9 but what I learned is that its not only just a summer thing you can bring that cloud 9 year round by taking care of yourself and doing what makes you feel good.  The summer ready is so not about what we see on tV or in magazines or even on instagram; its in ourselves. I don’t want to feel gross, I want to feel good when I put on the jeans and I want to take care of myself. Enjoy this summer, get yourself ready and get yourself going for summer ready is just the start of a year of motivation, feeling good, looking good, glowing happiness for yourself! Brining that Summer Ready every month of the year.


    Summer is a good start of a rock happy self  year round!


    Style: How my style has changed over the years

    Confidence comes with age. The things I wear now I would have never worn in high school or even three years ago. But that’s what happen’s when you get older, your style changes because you start to change, you start to develop more, and feel more of who you are with no fear. Here’s how my style story plus more…


    Little old Tom Boy:

    When I was little my mom dressed me and my sister with matching outfits a lot of the time for special days or holidays we went on. And my style was 100% 90s kid. I was Mary-Kate Olsen. I wore dressed but I didn’t care if I got them dirty. When I was 10 I asked for a a tool box and a hats. I have lots of hats because of this. I was the tom boy girl who still liked playing dress up. I had the candy necklaces. I had the odd clipps in my hair. And because I want to keep my pictures of younger me and memories personal here is pictures of Olsen twins because when I was younger I looked like them.

    High School themed sweatshirts and pants:

    My style was just trying to figure itself out in high school. I look back at picture of me in middle school and high school and just think how awkward I felt but how I wish I had a style. We would go school shopping but I would end up never wearing them–I wore sports gear or school themed clothing I got.  I’d take those quizzes on what my style is, just to help me figure it out, figure out what I liked. Who did I want to be; but everything I tried just didn’t feel like me or felt good in. I went through at lot of phases in high school; even did the whole black liner that a guy told me I shouldn’t cause I looked pretty without it. High school your suppose to be awkward, wearing yoga pants; not feeling good in your clothes. High school was the awkward years of clothes and style. I had no style.Today, not so much the case.


    I began to hit a peak in college, taking chances, putting on make up, doing my hair. My freshmen year I really was like “no more high school” dressing. I had a friend for all four years who was such a style and on point girl; who really put confidence in myself. I was on the floor as she sat above me to curl my eyelashes for the very first time, she gave me my first lipliner. I had no clue what anything was or what to do; but I began to just experience.  I began to dress up to go to class. Wearing leather pants out to the bars. I also wore sweatshirts and my leopard print shorts with UGG boots saw more then one day. I began to adore shorts with tights. And my style began to grow as I began to feel more like myself. But I still wasn’t feeling good especially in jeans.

     Irish influence:

    I definitely was influenced by the Irish while living there; I mean I NEVER put on tan or wore heels before I moved there. But I began to do it; and now my heels are high and putting on tan is human nature to me.  But I’m definitely more confidence in my clothes; and wearing clothes that I wore or bought years ago now I feel more good in them. I am wearing jeans. And I am also wearing clothes I never thought I would wear.  Like low cut shirts, nice pair of slacks.  Confidence does come and changes how you dress yourself for sure. I definitely think all those pictures I pinned wishing my style was like that is now happening; I don’t feel like I’m playing dress up or look foolish. I do still feel this odd phase of working woman having to dress “conservative” but I own a lot of crop tops. Getting dress for work is were my confidence is slowly decreasing because I don’t feel good in those clothes or feel like me.  But I began to buy things that are “adulting” but still me. And I want my style in any situation every day to work to dressing up stay who I am.


    What is my style now?

    After all those quizes and all those pins; years of trying to figure out what my style was-the answer was just as simple as I wear what I like to wear and what makes me feel good. Some days its a sweatshirt and leggings, other days its a total put together outfit. But….I think if I had to define my style it would be grunge, casual, boho. I like the textiles and prints of boho and I like the easy going of grunge, and I just love t-shirt and jeans; keeping it casual. Maybe one day the crop tops will stop; but they really haven’t they are just coming in different styles now.

    My biggest tip to when buying clothes, don’t buy something cause its trend and everyone else is buying it. Buy it cause you want it. Or if you like it and everyone has it either get it in a different colour or wear it different. Get a different style of some trend. Style is an individual thing, own it.