Let’s talk about mental health: a guide to getting yourself through.

I know it’s not mental health month anymore so I’m behind but I didn’t know if I wanted to write this or how I wanted to write this.

We all have our own mental health story but we all feel the same way towards it (maybe I don’t want to put anything on anyway);we don’t feel like ourselves, we feel silly after and seem crazy. But we aren’t. I never saw my mental health as an issue and personally, I never really talked about it cause I don’t want pity. So I would just brush it off like saying “i’m fine” and giving people nothing when they ask why. But here it is.

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I never realize I had mental health and need to take care of myself until I had a year that I call my dark time. Then I realize this was something I’ve been going through my whole life and needed not only take care of but also understand and know I have no shame towards it. For me, I have anxiety and depression. Also, my brain gets best of me and I have trouble handling things that lead to extreme outburst and panic attacks. And lately, my mental health has been challenged. So, I’ve been having more bad days and moments than good. Which is hard cause it not only reminds me of that dark time but also I know I’m a strong person and know what I can do; yet it seems to not be enough; the bad still keeps hitting me.

I’ve had two major moments where my mental health was at its worst at 10 years old and at 21. I’ve seen the worst, I have memories and feelings that come to me; reminding me. I know where bad is and I know how to get through it but also where I never want to end up. To make sure I don’t end up back in a “dark time” I do things, I keep myself motivated and filled with positives, I fuck the negativity and sometimes that included people and I have the BEST mother in the WORLD. I’ve tried therapy but my personality just didn’t fit. What do I do then? Well I created a list that I hope may help someone else who is going through some bad days, dark days. Below. Remember: you are strong & beautiful.

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How to get out of them is easier said than done but here is a list of things I do to get myself feeling better or good again.

List of things to do to help you through:

  • Take walks or get out of the house. Getting out of the house, getting some fresh air is the perfect way to have some time. Remember to breath in & out.
  • Disconnect from social media and your phone. Don’t look at phone especially if you wake up and you feel it’s going to be one of those days walk away from the phone
  • Do something that makes you feel good. Even if it’s taking a shower or brushing your hair.
  • Read more. I think grabbing that good book really can be a good distracting and let yourself go into a different world
  • Write. Either its dear diary scribbles on side of notes, or writing a story. Writing down can get those thoughts out of your head.
  • Go into your own little world. Put on the noise cancel headphones and listen to those songs that fill you with joy and happiness.
  • Take your camera and go chase some sunsets. Like the first one; I think the best way to get going especially when you feel it coming is to go on an adventure and take some pictures
  • Lay down. When I hit that point of a breakdown; my best thing I  do is just sit in my tub. ITs weird, I honestly sit there with my clothes on and just talk to myself. Like taking a relaxing bath just no water or clothes.
  • Workout. A lot of the time my energy is built up and I need to let it out so I work out.
  • Hang out with the people that know you and can really be there for you.
  • Take the evening to relax. Have one of those me time nights. Put on a face mask, some Gilmore Girls; keep your phone away, and just enjoy a relaxing night in.
  • Sleep and repeat.

These are things I do before the ‘storm’ during the storm, and after the storm; it really depends on how I’m feeling and what is going to be helpful in that moment. I know I’m the person when someone tells me “oh you’ll get over it” or anything that isn’t helpful just makes it worst. This list is a suggestion, some things you might not have tried and could work for you.  A lot of times you do (I do at least) feel silly cause after the storm you feel fine like what happen wasn’t even necessary. But, don’t feel stupid because what you went through and going through was necessary to get to the rainbow!

Mental health is a battle; sometimes it takes a day, sometimes it lasts a whole week. But keep going and try different things; don’t put yourself in a situation that are going to negatively affect you. And if something isn’t working, drop it and walk away. You may not feel like yourself but you’ll soon feel like yourself or a total new person!Processed with VSCO with hb2 preset

I find with blogging and being open like this I’m helping that little girl who didn’t understand what was going on in her head or that 20 something girl who needs to know someone out there understands. Talking about mental health breaks the stigma. What someone is going through is there’s. Reminder: you don’t know what someone is going through.  A lot of time people can say “they understand” when they really don’t. What we need to do is talk about them, be there for our friends and loved ones; to not run away but to be there, show support cause when they talk to you they don’t want pity what they want is to talk.   For the girls (&boys) going through the battle of mental health remember that you are strong every day!

I’m no professional I’m a girl who’s living and getting by with a war in her mind (did that rhyme that felt like it rhymed)


Disclaimer: I’m no way an expert, I never learned this in school, I’m not educated. Terms idk. And I’m taking from my perspective, what my mental health is and what I do. There is more to mental health then what I talking about. If you or someone you know are struggling with depression, mental illness, or suicidal thoughts, please reach out—to family, friends, mental health professionals, or crisis workers. In the United States and Canada, you can call the 24-hour, toll-free National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

The Girl that is letting herself go (plus OTTD)

This is a creative thoughtful post- I’ve done these before and I like them. But to mix it up I added a little OTTD to go along with it. 

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You do not exist anymore and I’m letting myself go.

 Looking back I wonder what girl was I to you. The girl you spent a few nights with. The  girl who you spent  months with road tripping. Knowing who you were and who I was with you. The conversations we had, the nights we spend together. Was I the girl I thought I was to you.

The girl who was your best friend. The girl you to talk to at the end of the night. The girl who let you be whoever you wanted to be. Let you go off with your friends; she wouldn’t care. The girl you adored. The girl who only wanted your company but that was too much to ask. I wasn’t that girl to you.

But, you weren’t the guy either. The guy that gave reassurance and confidence, saying “fuck them” when I couldn’t.  The guy I felt like me around you. A guy where I didn’t think twice about how to act around. A proud man for you got that girl that every guy could have had. A78D585F-9D3F-4219-82A8-7D5F616676C4FC2A6896-3B81-4267-BB36-535E8C1CC16C

You lost that girl. You lost her when you walked right out at 3am like it was that easy. You lost her the minute you decided to call her up to talk for hours, making her feel like you were back. But then you turned around and gave her the thumbs up. You lost her the minute you decided she was not worth the fight. You lost her when you made her feel so damn worthless.  You lost her when she realize she shouldn’t be treated like that. I’m that girl.E64E4B54-8C3A-434A-96BB-C35903F0DF67 (1)

I’m that girl and it’s the girl you could never had. I’m done missing the guy you never were. Because to be the guy you were to me, I had to be that girl to you. So I’m letting myself go from you, from all of you.  You do not exist anymore and I’m letting myself go.

Because, I’m not that girl, anymore.

Processed with VSCO with hb2 presetOutfit details:

Jumper: Zara (months old)

Jeans: Topshop (Jamie Jeans)

Fish tights: Pennys

Booties: Nostrums

necklace: forever 21 (years ago)

Hair: Lo’real colour-purple

Let me know if you liked it below. 

Top 10 List of things to help you get to loving yourself

First, let me say this for my own sake and for others to not assume, I am completely utterly in love with myself and honestly do not care what others think. But, there was a time that I wasn’t like this and there were moments where I did not feel like this. It’s called being human.
Now, I am not going to say my personal stories or what I had to go through/deal with when I was trying to be accepted, loved, included by others who were not meant to (I say meant because of the typical “you’re my parents you have to). For anyone it is hard, especially with technology (I will keep saying this) to find happiness in one self. You can find it but it can be hard to hold onto it, not because you are sad or depressed (in most cases), it’s just things can happen and the strong feelings of confidence, love for yourself becomes lost in all of your emotions.
There are some days when I could be down and then in a snap say “who cares, I am awesome and I know it” (not exactly those words). But, for anyone who does have those moments, days, weeks, or even months of feeling isolated, hurt, or angry, don’t let it win. Hold onto your confident voice, and scream to muzzle the sound.
In doing that I came up with a list of things to help get that voice screaming:

1   Journal: Writing is my passion; but it has only been the last few years when I started to journal. I use to do it all the time when I was younger. I found the old pages and to be honest I don’t even remember what I wrote “remember this..” But it honestly helps to just write whatever is on your mind. It’s personal, you’re talking to yourself and basically building yourself up because you will find yourself in the end and will say FORGET this, I am fantastic.
2  Be active: Try not to sit around and do nothing because you will only get more lost in your thoughts. Get up and do something, it can be walking, working out, even window shopping.
3  Be artistic: Sometimes I find myself drawing, collaging, or  doing some sort of craft; it focuses my attention on other things.
4  Text that person: Text that one person you know who will wanna talk; try not to discuss what’s been driving you mad or making you feel this way, instead talk about something else. Talk about them.
5  Delete things: Just take away the things that are causing the issue, the things that are not helping you feel any better. Either if it’s deleting an app or just removing it from your home page. Just make it harder to get to.
6  Dress up: Okay, sorry for any boys, but playing dress up ALWAYS make me feel better; from doing my make up to doing my hair, and trying on clothes. Best feeling in the world.
7  Blast that music: Blast that rock, loud, hard music either in your ears or through out your room.
8  Do something by yourself: I find if I can do something on my own my confidence builds. It could be as easy as seeing a movie.
9  Plan an adventure:  I become more excited when I plan an adventure or a trip. It’s that feeling of I could honestly run, do something with my life. 
10 Remind yourself that you are perfectly imperfect and today, this moment is just one of the lows. Build that bridge and burn it down because you are a fantastic person who should walk down the streets with every step having a point.

    Trying to make it in the working world, the truth from a 20 something girl with a masters.

    you hear it over and over again, we are snowflakes, lazy generation. And my response is you don’t know my life. So, if you really want to know what it’s like to be a millennium trying to make a life for herself in a society that makes you feel like you need to have that house, job, and so much by now read. 

    Holding my completed thesis from University College Cork.

    If you’re not following me on instagram, why aren’t you? I posted something middle of July of a long caption basically confessing how I am going through something personal and how I think about if I don’t share it am I even being real. And how sometimes not sharing is just fine. THIS BLOG POST is me telling what’s going on, it wasn’t going to be it was going to be how to get through difficult days, but how many list can you read. I decided that after having the 100th disappointment come my way after 9 months of chugging alone, feeling so discourage, losing my determination;  I should write this what if someone else out there is in the same boat. 

    People keep telling me that it’ll work out in the end, something will come soon. And how lucky they have so a positive perspective, I am not an optimistic at all–I’ve been disappointed and crushed by high hopes for so long I will admit I am bitter. What drives me is my determination, my mind set for when I want something there is no stopping me. But after so many ‘strike outs’ I don’t have that determination, I have frustration and tears, and fears that for the rest of my life I’m not going to get pass working retail and will never have that life I left Ireland for. It’s like I’m back in my final year of college trying to pass English Syntax; getting those test back with D’s all over them while the guy next to me got an A, but saw he had something marked off and he’s ready to fight. OH I”M DONE! That is exactly how I feel every time when I don’t get that job.

    I began to wonder what can I do. Is it because of my blog? Being so honest and real, people don’t like that, talking about being a women in this world, having a learning disability. I wonder how other ladies do it, how they are so successful, how they make it through so many no’s to their face. I really get discourage when I find out they’re younger then me, and I’m like did I miss my door? Never compare yourself. 

    here’s a puppy to make life a little better

    I read so many articles of millennium and the statistics of how we aren’t lazy but how we are a generation with the largest of jobless careers. (when I find that article I read I’ll link it here). What do you expect when they want for experience is 10 years and you’re like at 14, I was babysitting. Or what about how they combine writing with web page design. The pressure of societies expectations, from relatives faces, fact you knew how great your life was and now look at yourself. You can’t help but feel like a total fucking failure.  I’m not saying this cause I want pity I’m saying this to let ladies out there who are feeling like shit, disappointed, and looking them selves in the mirror with disappointment–that you’re not alone on the whole fucking suck scale. And you wish people will stop telling you it’ll work out because all you want is for it to JUST work out!

    Because all you want is a life, for that apartment in the city, to afford the apartment in the city, to have benefits–don’t even get me started. To not feel like despite having a masters you’re worth it. To not feel like you wasted 4 years of a degree. They told you to go to college and that’s not even enough. SCREAM!

    10 minutes and a work out later. I bounce back, with still struggles, still so many questions what else can I do, feel discourage for you don’t even know. The struggle is there are a lot of people out there-250 people applied for that position, the baby boomers are still working. And you’re kind of what can you bring to the table other than “yourself.” You really got to sell yourself, something I’m really trying to work on. I was asked “why me” the first time I answered:  “oh god what if the other person is nice,” that shows my character but guess you can’t show that your a caring person. Then the struggle in finding that actual job you want.  Honestly feel like this side of the world really does not put a lot of credit to creative jobs or people. For instance, I see other girls making content for a coffee shop or a pub in England. Here there is nothing like that. Trust me I looked, I even try doing freelance positions but again I feel like its the door thing & not much out there. It is worst than Ikea directions! 

    quote.jpgThough, I don’t have any suggestions on what more can you do, what can you put on your CV or in cover letters, because I am still trying to figure that out. What I can tell you is so many times in school after failure, failing out of syntax and actually getting into my car ready to drop out of college, the fact I didn’t, those struggles were hard but I got through them. Look at all the stories I’ve said, the moments I shared.  I am not a patient and high hopes person, like I said, but I do know failure always wins. So I say take a break, try to take the pressure off yourself and wait to apply when you’re not feeling so discouraged but feeling confident. So many times when I bounce back still having tears in my eyes, looking at jobs kind of just makes it worst. I get it you want to have that career, you want to get out of this shit whole your feeling, you want to use what you not only went to school for, but love doing. And you just wish it would! My friend told me that there’s an Irish saying “whats for you won’t pass you” & so far a lot of the things/people that have pass me were never for me, it took awhile to realise that, so I believe in that saying.

    WOW. that felt good to write. If you too are going through the same struggles and frustration let me know if this helped in anyway, or have any advise. That is why I wrote this not for pity I said it because someone else out there is probably sitting on her bedroom floor screaming into a pillow and wanting to give up just let her life be what it is.

    Bad Dates Part 2

    I decided to create a blog series on bad dates and everything in between. And I’ve been on dates and began seeing guys who’ve been nice don’t misunderstand me. The focus here is the “bad”. We are talking about dating for 20 something girls, this isn’t some high school dating shit. This is dating where you might want to find the one, might want that guy you can depend on, the guy you can talk to, go on the adventure with, who’s your best friend. This is Part 2 of Bad Date Series. Read part 1: bad dates and self love.

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    In this second part of bad date series, we are going head first into those frustrating “I’m seeing the guy”, fuck boys, and the guy who isn’t really looking for a relationship. And how they are important to have but soon or later you have to cut them off and wave goodbye.

    First, let me tell you I’ve been there. I was seeing a guy where we weren’t seeing each other but I saw him. I saw him on Thursday night for a drive, I saw him on a night out. I was seeing a guy who all we did was talk through the messenger, never wanted to meet up unless it was on a night out. I was seeing a guy but the minute I needed someone to talk to or be there he suddenly wasn’t. Was it too much to ask for, obviously it was? A term I learned is breadcrumbing. I was being breadcrumbed by these guys– I wasn’t some queen; instead, I was a regular girl there for their needs and entertainment. But, hey it got me to the girl I am today and I can share those experiences with you. So let me tell you about these bad dates and hope that when you decide to walk away it’ll be the BEST thing you will EVER do!


    So what happens when you start seeing the guy and suddenly the conversation has stopped, only sees you on a Thursday night? You are questioning if you can even tell him things, or if he cares. All you’re getting from the guy is a few snaps. There is something wrong here. How do you know when the guy you’re seeing is going to stop playing and start to be “something”. Or how do you stop wasting your time on guys who do things that are just between fuck boy and a guy you saw? I’ve had the 4 am phone calls asking me if I was around, I told them they better be dead if they are waking me up from my beauty sleep. I got those pop-up snaps that I knew what they were. These guys weren’t a waste of time, but they wasted a lot of my time. It took a lot of same old shit to get to the point of goodbye.


    Suddenly, dating is not dating to hang out with the girl, go on adventures; it’s all about ‘getting down with it” a phrase that was said to me. But, hey, at least the guy was nice enough to take you out to dinner first.

    Here’s the thing. We’ve all been there. It’s all fun until you began to realize it’s not fun anymore. Whatever the situation was, who it was, one way or another we girls have been there. Hanging out with a guy, talking to a guy; and suddenly you’re only seeing him horizontal on your basement coach as he whispers in your ear something like “it would be the best I would ever have-” it happen! The guy you have a crush on becomes exactly what you didn’t want him to be. A tool. So what do you do?

    You may think this is as good as its going to get and you deserve to be treated and keep going with the guy; despite it. NO HELL no! See Part 1. You, girl, are powerful and don’t deserve the guy who’s going to only talk to you when he wants something from you or the guy who after hanging out with him walks out on you like your some one night stand; making you feel so gross. The one thing you have to ask yourself do you want to? As long as you feel confident and will not feel like your self-worth just got flushed down the toilet go for it–wear that crown. Girl power! But if it does not then don’t even bother to because those “hanging out” boys will only see you as that.

    It might actually be you.

    Sometimes its, not even the guy that breadcrumbing it’s you. You are hanging out, it’s going really well, maybe but nothing is really there. OR have you ever just forced it because A. you feel bad B. your bored C. giving too many chances. I had to convince myself to hang out with guys even though I didn’t like them. Only because he was the little ‘excitement’ (because entertainment sounds bad) through out my day but it wasn’t thrilling–no butterflies were flipping in my stomach.The best advice I got that I’m giving you when it comes to hanging out with guys and you’re forcing it; that no matter how much you may want a boyfriend, someone to hang out with or a guy in your life it’s not worth wasting your time. Because when you know, you know.

    We are queens worthy of a king. The game can be fun, the attention can be thrilling, especially when you’re young but those calls at 4 in the morning, popping up because they heard you were in town, sending you a snap chat and you know what it is–is going to get old. Leaving those guys behind may make you feel like your alone but I will say you will feel more powerful than ever because of it. Look at you, you’re killin’ it you don’t need a guy who only wants you for a minute!

    Spilled Ink: How to feel like you have privacy in a public setting

    In the times where vlogging and sharing your everyday life how does one stay private?

    Sharing everything is how people do things now. We share things for people to know what is happening and to share our excitement. We are sharing so much that our privacy becomes public. Putting yourself out there is like putting a piece of you out there. Even in a private setting your putting yourself out there. But focusing on blogging and the question of privacy….


    Again and again, I have moments where I don’t want to blog. I don’t want to write a city girl story or tell my story despite it is something I love and really enjoy doing because of scam accounts and creepiness. I think that is why I want to find a career to write for other things so I won’t feel so ‘exposed’. But even if I had a career I would keep doing this CAUSE I LOVE It.

    Anyways the other day my moment of “I want to go private I want to delete everything” came again when I found an inappropriate account following my blog on bloglovin and there was no block button. The first thing I thought was I didn’t want this associated with my blog, I didn’t want them to see what I write or share EVEN though I control and edit what I say.  Seeing those spam and scam accounts seeing what I’m putting out, strangers is scary thing. Another example is when I was in Dublin I did ask what people suggestions on what to see or if any bloggers that live want to meet up (next time personally message them) BECAUSE I got a request message from a guy who didn’t follow me asking me out, I stocked him naturally he did live in Dublin still CREEPY. I’m very quick at the block button, very quick at figuring out if its creepy at all. I’ve heard worst stories of guys messaging girls and all I can say is, because this can easily be a whole different blog post, is  random ass guys message girls like what gives you this idea to do that. Even if it is a harmless hey–its still some strange ass dude with a private account. It feels violating.

    This isn’t my first time experiencing this feeling, I’ve had my experience before social media even exist. And I’ve seen others ask strangers to add them on snapchat. Like how unsafe is that.  And having these things pop up, getting those messages, having them see my stuff–really makes me feel unease. I have some of my social media so far hidden that no one can find me.  When being a blogger or being public with your stuff, there is no hiding. I limit myself, I don’t post selfies, I see who’s following me, who’s seeing my stuff which can be very bad but its also a safety thing for me. I want to do more with blogging, do videos on instagram story but the more expose I get the more scams, creepiness or even harassment–I once had two little lads comment with emojis tagging there mates–I responded then blocked them cause NO! I will not have that, I’m not some side walk.

    The important thing is we have to tech how to deal with social media. About being smart, aware, and  know there are things out there you shouldn’t post or even respond–I didn’t respond to any of those messages I get. However, I still feel violated & exposed-wanting to pull back.  when this robot or actual people pop up like this. Either way you have to keep in mind how much you want to share and who will see it. It’s not just about screening calls anymore the world and technology have advanced too much.

    And for those private accounts, you have, well there private for reasons. Those should be yours.